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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this is an odd way to announce you are getting married?

32 replies

LordoftheFliesTime · 20/02/2013 17:21

A group of 5 of us met for lunch today, 4 of us are being bridesmaids for the 5th one and it was a kind of meet up to discuss dress styles etc.

When friend said to the bride - "we're going to a wedding fayre on Saturday if you'd like to come?"

... We were all a little Shock Confused and said - "so are you engaged then?"

To which she replied - "No, we're not engaged and I haven't got a ring, but we are getting married"

OP posts:
MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 20/02/2013 17:24

Nothing wrong with that, she obviously didn't want a big fuss.

valiumredhead · 20/02/2013 17:25

I'm not sure what your post is about? Friend isn't engaged and hasn't got a ring - lots of people skip that part and just get married.

BunnyLebowski · 20/02/2013 17:26

Nothing wrong with it at all.

Much better than those who make a huge fuss over the act of getting engaged and obsess about the proposal/the ring and how much it cost. Eurgh.

Original poster
LordoftheFliesTime · 20/02/2013 17:29

No I don't mean it's odd that they have skipped this bit, people can do whatever they decide is best for them.

But surely if you are deciding to get married you are technically engaged?

And I don't believe that about not wanting to make a fuss. You don't announce that you are going to a wedding fayre without inviting more questions.

OP posts:
RobotLover68 · 20/02/2013 17:32

we didn't get engaged and I don't have an engagement ring, we just got married, don't understand the OP - sorry

Twogoodreasons · 20/02/2013 17:32

Do you think she is making it up?

BambieO · 20/02/2013 17:33

Maybe she just meant they aren't 'officially engaged' trying to deflect the whole 'where's the ring!!! SHOW US THE DIAMOND if it's crap he can't possibly love you ' rubbish

Bue · 20/02/2013 17:33

Well yes, if you are getting married then you are by default engaged. Maybe she just doesn't like the whole idea of "The Engagement"? I hated it and would always just say "we're getting married in August".

What is weird is when people book a wedding, but don't consider themselves "engaged" until they do a planned ring presentation. I know people like this.

Booyhoo · 20/02/2013 17:34

"But surely if you are deciding to get married you are technically engaged?"
this thread exists already

and of course you can go to a wedding fayre without being engaged. tbh it sounds liek your friends is actually trying to avoid 'fuss' and just suggested that her bride friend could come with her to the fayre as it made sense. i doubt it was a stealth announcement.

LittleMissNorty · 20/02/2013 17:34

We decided to get married, and did 12 weeks later. Didn't need to get engaged, but a ring etc.....just wanted to get married. What's the matter with that?

AmazingBouncingFerret · 20/02/2013 17:36

what's with all the (ok 2) engagement/wedding threads??

She probably meant no, not engaged as in no, I havent got a ring.

BunnyLebowski · 20/02/2013 17:36

Engagements are redundant and largely attention-seeking.

If you're with someone and want to get married, just bleeding do it!

I've been with DP for 12 years and we're thinking about getting married this year. There'll be no engagement announcement or ring. Or naff proposal video on YouTube Grin

Thisisaeuphemism · 20/02/2013 17:38

I quite like it.

I 'announced mine by saying' - 'you free on blah di blah? Date. Great!'

We didn't do the engaged bit.

Thisisaeuphemism · 20/02/2013 17:39

I think some people (me) and perhaps ops friend find engagements a bit naff, maybe...

EuroShagmore · 20/02/2013 17:39

Well if she's decided to get married she obviously is engaged. But some people are quite low key about it.

Thisisaeuphemism · 20/02/2013 17:40

Nothing is worse than the word 'fiancée'

Arisbottle · 20/02/2013 17:41

We did similar, no rings just informs may told people that we were getting married and that they were welcome to pop along.

quoteunquote · 20/02/2013 17:42

We never had any of the engagement stuff, nor anything you might find at a wedding fair.

We gave everyone three week warning, word of mouth, and it was brilliant.

ChewinTheFat · 20/02/2013 17:42

I like the low key no fuss approach actually!

I got an invite to an engagement party in the post this morning, didn't realise people still had big parties for engagement.

babies head is engaged lets have a party

Ilovexmastime · 20/02/2013 17:43

She probably didn't want to be accused of upstaging her friend's wedding, so slipped it into the conversation.

Thisisaeuphemism · 20/02/2013 17:43

Except perhaps the words 'wedding fayre'

Internationaltraveller · 20/02/2013 17:45

it is confusing as to why she asked you to wedding fair without telling you she is getting married first. maybe they are planning on waiting a while.

Sallyingforth · 20/02/2013 17:50

As said above, engagements are entirely optional. If you want to squander a lot of cash made a big display you can have a fancy ring, lavish party etc, but otherwise just tell your friends and get on with it.
DP and I have told family and friends that we will be getting married before too long, but have not yet set a date. Since it will be a simple affair we don't need to spend a year planning it. That's good enough for us.

Pickles101 · 20/02/2013 17:52

YANBU. Weird. This & the other engagement thread about now leads me to conclude I am probably the weird one re: marriage stuff. But then I'm not getting married or engaged Grin

FruOla · 20/02/2013 18:01

Hahaha, you think that's bad LordoftheFlies?

Years ago I was at a wedding (very laid-back, reception was a 'hippy-style' party on a river boat) and after the few informal words said by the B&G, another couple got up and announced "oh, and by the way, we got married yesterday" ... obviously waiting for all of us to raise our glasses to them too - plus they got a 'free' reception on the back of 'official' B&G's 'do'.

We were all Shock