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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not tell my DS's dad my D.O.B?

38 replies

SandCastlesGoSquish · 19/02/2013 14:22

My ex has just emailed me asking for my full address and date of birth. He has said this is to register for a DNA test, but there has been no mention of this before. He is on the birth certificate but he isn't allowed DS unsupervised due to concerns about his past behavior and violence.

He knows where I live so he could work my address out easily enough, but it seems strange to me that a DNA test would need my DOB in advance, surely I would fill in any forms at the time of taking swabs?

Is there anything else this information could be used for? I have though of passport, but I don't think this would be the reason, as he doesn't have him alone so I would be aware if he got a passport photo done of him.

Is it reasonable of me to reply saying "I will fill out any details at the time, please let me know when you would like the test to be carried out" or should I just tell him D.O.B?

OP posts:
NotSoNervous · 19/02/2013 14:24

I wouldn't tell him your DOB and I can't see why he would need it. I think your reply is fine

MonstrousPippin · 19/02/2013 14:25

D.O.B is often one element of security checks for any number of things and I agree, why would he need it for the DNA test? I'd keep it to yourself if you're not sure what your personal data is going to be used for.

Original poster
SandCastlesGoSquish · 19/02/2013 14:25

Would it definitely not be needed for DNA then? Slightly concerned about what he's up to Hmm

OP posts:
deleted203 · 19/02/2013 14:26

I wouldn't. Just out of sheer bloody mindedness, if nothing else.

I have no idea what he wants it for; like you I can't think of any reason he would need to know. Tell him if he wants a DNA test done then he is to contact you via solicitor with the dates they are requesting your co-operation and you will consider the matter.

deleted203 · 19/02/2013 14:27

He's not applying for a credit card or some such in your name is he? I'd be quite concerned. Don't give it to him.

Original poster
SandCastlesGoSquish · 19/02/2013 14:30

Wouldn't that have to be posted to my address re. Credit card? You can't put a forwarded address for one to be delivered to can you? Confused

OP posts:
CajaDeLaMemoria · 19/02/2013 14:32

Yes, you can.

I know this because we've just moved but OH has got his new CC delivered here, rather than the address we left a few days ago - and he's still registered for EVERYTHING there. He just gave them a different address to post it too.

I don't think you need your DOB for DNA, and if you did, it'd be on the paperwork with the swab. He wouldn't be expected to have it in advance. I'd be a bit cautious here and completely refuse to tell him.

YouTheCat · 19/02/2013 14:33

Pay day loan?

Original poster
SandCastlesGoSquish · 19/02/2013 14:34

Is there any way to put a block on new things being opened without your permission money wise?

OP posts:
SmiteYouWithThunderbolts · 19/02/2013 14:35

If he's on the birth certificate and has parental responsibility, I don't think he needs to give any of your details for a DNA test. Very Hmm of him to ask. Don't give it to him, your reply is fine.

Seabird72 · 19/02/2013 14:37

Doesn't sound right to me - they might need his DOB for id purposes but not yours I wouldn't think. Sounds dodgy. If he wants a DNA test done fine - he can pay for it and even have it done by post can't he - no need to involve you, your address or your DOB. Most DNA tests are done on the quiet anyway aren't they and the results would be sent to him as he's the one requesting it - don't give it to him and if he doesn't know your DOB he wasn't paying much attention when you had your relationship!!!

LunaticFringe · 19/02/2013 14:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LizzieVereker · 19/02/2013 14:49

Might it be worth signing up to Experian, the credit rating agency, if you are not already? I think you pay a small annual fee and they email you every time there is a change to your credit file, i.e. it would flag up if someone makes a credit search or application in your name. It might reassure you if you suspect he is trying to apply for things in your name.

Oh, and YANBU!

Emsmaman · 19/02/2013 14:52

oh I had a different take to everyone else, I was thinking maybe he was making a passport application for your DS...

Either way don't give it!

Aspiemum2 · 19/02/2013 14:53

I agree with seabird. Presumably he only wants the DNA test to prove he is the father in which case why do they need anything from you?

Original poster
SandCastlesGoSquish · 19/02/2013 14:56

I was just talking to my DM and she mentioned something... Can you sign up to a doctors surgery using just DOB and address? As he flipped last week about me having a doctors appointment and having to arrange to meet up 2 hours later than what he wanted to, and his sister works at a doctors surgery nearby. Is there any way he could be using it to sign me up there to check details/check that appointment as he was convinced I had made it up? Hmm Long shot but would be easier to deal with than the money suggestions!

OP posts:
InNeedOfBrandy · 19/02/2013 14:57

When dd df wanted a DNA I rang and booked it and they needed full name, dob and address for all 3 of us.

HollyBerryBush · 19/02/2013 14:58

He can get your DOB in 30 seconds flat if he pulls a copy of your sons birth certificate or uses any online electoral roll

InNeedOfBrandy · 19/02/2013 15:01

I think your over thinking this tbh op Grin

ineedabodytransplant · 19/02/2013 16:03

Sandcastlesgosquish,

You need full and proper methods of id to register at GPs surgery.

If his sister works in a surgery and gives him any personal info then she will be in really serious hot water. And rightly so.

He won't be able to check up on you at all. Most receptionists etc at doctors shouldn't give info out over the phone, and certainly not to a male asking female's details/info.

ineedabodytransplant · 19/02/2013 16:04

And wouldn't your ex know your dob anyway? Confused

IneedAsockamnesty · 19/02/2013 16:08

It s my understanding that even with pr in the absence of a court order it is still a criminal offence to obtain or attempt to obtain a DNA test without the mothers consent.

I base this on a recent local court case.

rhino1971 · 19/02/2013 16:10

Is it just me wondering how he doesn't already know this? Did he never buy you a birthday card? Of course you may not have been together long, but strange still that he never asked.

HDee · 19/02/2013 16:15

I've changed GP several times and never provided ID.

I go in, fill in a form and hey presto, it's done.

LadyBeagleEyes · 19/02/2013 16:17

How does he not know your date of birth?
I know my ex's and he knows mine.

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