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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to expect my 16yod not to destroy bathroom with hair dye?

62 replies

Iftheresamurderdontlookatme · 19/02/2013 08:20

This isn't just once it's several times and she's been talked to, shouted at and virtually thrown out for her destruction and lack of respect to property, she is lucky to have her own bathroom, over the years there's been all sorts of mess and just before we put house up for sale we replaced her broken bath panel and put new flooring down and decorated, looked great, she has now stained the wall, the white work top and the white flooring with fing pink hair dye in vast quantities, we have just sold house and survey done last week (pre hair dye incident), I can't leave it like this for new people and will have to replace the lot.
We are bloody furious. How many times do you have to tell the little fers before they get it?
WWUD?

OP posts:
MrsMelons · 19/02/2013 09:37

I am 33 and I still do this, just about to have a new bathroom so I will have to just go to the hairdressers as DH will kill me otherwise. I even buy the foams which don't drip but I still seem to get at least one bit somewhere. It comes off if you clean it straight away but I have painted over the glass paintwork numerous times to cover the bits I miss.

I would be cross if I had a teenage DD that did this if I have asked them not to, I am a bit lapse as our bathroom is falling apart and needs a complete overhaul anyway.

Sixparrotspullingupcarrots · 19/02/2013 09:38

OP didn't call her retarded.
your probably thinking she's retarded.....she's actually not, if she was I could make allowances
She did call her stupid. I think she probably is for having made this mistake several times over, knowing her parents have sold the house.

Op, make her pay for the damage, stop paying to fix bad dye jobs, it's the only way she will realise that there are consequences to her actions.

notsofrownieface · 19/02/2013 09:39

Is it still half term?

ScarletLady02 · 19/02/2013 09:40

Hair dying is messy. I still make a mess and I'm nearly 30. If you want her to take responsibility, make her pay for her own towels, pay for the damage etc as sixparrots says. I have to because I'm an adult. I've ruined SO many towels.

Pink is the worst for staining.

Original poster
Iftheresamurderdontlookatme · 19/02/2013 09:44

Notsofrownyface - unfortunately yes Sad
Sixparrots and abbeycat Thanks

OP posts:
fanoftheinvisibleman · 19/02/2013 09:46

I'm bloody 37 and still have the odd mishap with hair dye. Oh, and I use 'crazy' colours too so god knows what unpleasant things you would call me at my age. I use directions dye which stains terribly but neat bleach and a toothbrush on hard surfaces has not let me down yet. It just takes abit of elbow grease.

Astr0naut · 19/02/2013 09:47

I am goinign to show DH this thread, as he thinks I'm the only pweson in the world who makes a mess.

I've ben dyeing for 20 years.

The world dye ever is that directions stuff that came in pots. In universiaty there were 4 of us using it to dye our hair red, dark tulip, blue and pink.

livinginwonderland · 19/02/2013 09:49

First, stop being so rude about your daughter, you're not doing yourself any favours. Second, stop pandering to her - if she wants to have the privilege of her own bathroom and to dye her hair, she needs to be able to look after her things. When I was sixteen, I dyed my hair red one summer and yes, I got it everywhere. My punishment? Replace the towels I ruined, and clean the bathroom, which is fair enough. You can't call her stupid and retarded and threaten to throw her out over some hair dye.

If she refuses to clean up, get a lock and lock her bathroom, and tell her she can't use it (or dye her hair) until it's cleaned up and fixed. If she refuses, well, tough, no more hair dye for her.

I also think you really need to take a look at your overall relationship with her, it does't sound healthy.

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts · 19/02/2013 09:51

Please calm down and stop being so nasty about your daughter. Calling her stupid isn't ok, no matter how frustrated you feel by the continual mess-making.

Is it the Directions hair dye she's using? That stuff is a swine to clean up - ironically the 'permanent' dyes I use wipe off the sink, floor and walls (where I am prone to liberally splashing when I dye my hair).

She's 16, so she's old enough to get a PT job to pay you back for replacing the towels and any bathroom fittings that are beyond rescue.

LottieJenkins · 19/02/2013 09:51

I hate the use of the word retarded and will always pick people up on it. I wonder if she is doing the mess to get a rise out of you on purpose. I feel sorry for your daughter having a mother who thinks so little of her and calls her DISGUSTING names!!!

QuickLookBusy · 19/02/2013 09:55

I hope you don't speak to your dd in the same way you have talked about her on this thread.

My dd has ruined her bathroom floor with hair dye, yes I was angry, no I did think she was a retard or say she needed her arms amputated.

I just bought a rug and covered over the dye.

If you knew she was messy you shouldn't have redecorated the bathroom in all white.

HollyBerryBush · 19/02/2013 09:56

Everyone and anyone is allowed to vent spleen on anoymous forum. Saves all that angst building up inside.

Not eveyone is a walking encycopaedia or paragon of virtue of politically correct terminology either.

TuftyFinch · 19/02/2013 10:03

You lost me at retarded ...

specialsubject · 19/02/2013 10:03

the child has been told repeatedly and is still destructive, and there's no excuse. She gets in there with as much effort as possible to clean up, and all financial input is stopped until the cost of any remaining damage is covered. Might take years of no pocket money, tough.

the child may not be stupid but the behaviour certainly is. OP is excused for going into orbit.

TuftyFinch · 19/02/2013 10:08

Holly you don't have to be a 'paragon of virtue' to know using the term retarded is simply unacceptable. In any context. Ever.

YouTheCat · 19/02/2013 10:11

What Tufty said.

I was all set to be sympathetic (have a teen who ruined 3 towels with hair bleach last week) but I can't be bothered now.

livinginwonderland · 19/02/2013 10:13

specialsubject you could also argue that the OP is a bit stupid for letting her daughter dye her hair in a bathroom that has just been redone, knowing that she is clumsy and gets the dye everywhere all the time. Especially in a white bathroom in a house they're just about to sell.

When I was sixteen, I was ridiculously clumsy (still am at 24!) and always spilt things or knocked things over. Yelling at me never helped, it just made me ten times more paranoid and even more likely to do it and not care, because all that happened was I got in trouble.

QuickLookBusy · 19/02/2013 10:16

Holly of course we are all allowed to vent on here. That doesn't give you the excuse to use disgusting terms.

And if for whatever reason, you've been locked in a cupboard for years and don't realise the term retard is offensive, then posters have every right to point out how inappropriate it is.

wannabedomesticgoddess · 19/02/2013 10:26

You cannot expect your 16 year old to respect you when its clear you dont respect her.

I suggest you catch a grip because if you continue like this you wont have to worry about her using the bathroom at all. She will be gone.

WhatsTheBuzz · 19/02/2013 11:51

agree
with holly though obviously, it is no longer an acceptable term...
also find it hard to believe that all posters who have flamed op have
NEVER been less than perfectly pleasant about at least one person in
their lives - laughable!

wannabedomesticgoddess · 19/02/2013 11:52

I have never been nasty about my own children no...

YouTheCat · 19/02/2013 11:54

Never used the word 'retarded'. Never called my kids 'stupid'.

WhatsTheBuzz · 19/02/2013 11:58

but it IS stupid behaviour!

YouTheCat · 19/02/2013 11:59

It's annoying behaviour. It is disrespectful behaviour. Her dd showed a lack of thought.

Not necessarily stupid though.

starsandunicorns · 19/02/2013 12:04

I m 40 sitting here with dye on i always have a splat here and there both of my dds dye they hair

i brought special towels for them from asda a large for the floor and and another for their shoulders when they came out of the bathroom

i nipped in and cleaned it up with younger dd i used to watch her and clean spillages when they happened both are good at it now.

I never shouted at them if they spilled some.

Dd1 never used the gloves untill i got some from the pertol station they were the proper sort not like in the dye packets.