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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Help-debts

27 replies

AmyD87 · 19/02/2013 01:36

Hi sorry if Im in the wrong place its quite bewildring :( I don't know where to turn, I cant tell my mum (I'm living with her at the mo) and I dont want friends to know. My husband and I are in some debt (£18000) with cards and stuff and I dont know where to turn. Hes in the army and he wont tell them because it might harm his career. I ddidnt know but after our first he started gambleing and it seems it got worse and worse, until of course the bubble burst. Dont call me for letting him look after the money he's a good man. He stopped gambleing and now hes in GA but we just have this debt that wont go we dont get enough to pay it off itlooks like forever. He might be made redundant from the army anyway. I dont know if the army would help or would throwhim out? Please does anyone know where i can find out? Without the army knowing? Sorry if this is a mess but I'm a mess right now myself.

Amy

OP posts:
IsThatTrue · 19/02/2013 01:57

Try CAB for help and advice. It's free.

Other than that I have no idea I'm afraid, hopefully some wiser MNers will be along soon.

yeahforreal · 19/02/2013 02:27

Try these helplines first , see what your options are . I know the forces take this seriously as it poses a threat
www.bankruptcy-insolvency.co.uk/debt_advice_for_the_armed_forces/index.php
simpledebtsolutions.co.uk/armedforces-army.php
resolveuk.com/military-debt-advice.shtml

Please try not to worry , it's not as bad as it seems and they can help get your debt reduced to 4500 .

I was in the forces and knew a guy that owed the tax man about 100,000 , they did a deal and he did not have to leave.

Good luck and don't worry , it will all work out eventually , ask the experts.

Cuddlyrunner · 19/02/2013 09:05

Go to the debtfreewannabe forum on martinsmoney, there are people there with loads more debt than that who have personal experience in what to do for the first steps. It is a large but manageable debt x

Montybojangles · 19/02/2013 09:12

www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en/articles/where-to-go-to-get-free-debt-advice
Gives lots of links to free charity debt support services. Start with citizens advice bureau as others have suggested.

mumandboys123 · 19/02/2013 10:10

try the forums on moneysavingexpert.com - tons of advice and support from people going through the same.

maddening · 19/02/2013 10:13

Cccs
Money saving expert
Cab

I think that the army have their own debt advisors too.

CloudsAndTrees · 19/02/2013 11:05

There is lots of support available for people in debt. The national debt line is good, and they have a free phone number you can call for advice.

Original poster
AmyD87 · 19/02/2013 13:47

Thank you all so so much for the replies. He did get stuff through GA but the hard bits getting him to discuss it at all. I think we can bring the money thing under control, although it might prevent us from buying a home at some point? Any way thats not so pressing right now I've (weve lol) got my mum whos very supportive but doesnt know about the debt. btw i'm here 'cos the army have sent himaway not'cos weve fallen out but I'm so desperate hes unhappy and really worried about the army finding out and he loves his job. His officers like him and it would be awful if it all went wrong 'cos of this. I thought there might be like an army wife or two or i could look to but dont want any thing official being started off? Because of our living situation i dont come into contact with any. But thanks once again so much for caring to reply .

OP posts:
ControlGeek · 19/02/2013 14:13

Amy have you tried speaking to SSAFA? I've always found them to be brilliant. They have training to help with debt and money matters, and are fantastic with form filling, helping you to get to grips with your budget etc. As they are there for anyone with a forces connection, you can speak to them yourself, confidentially, for advice if you wish.

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts · 19/02/2013 14:15

I can second the vote for CCCS; they've been wonderful at helping us to get on top of our credit card debts.

TheFallenNinja · 19/02/2013 14:18

He MUST inform his commanding officer, there is nothing more damaging than hiding stuff away, if it gets found out(and these things do) he will be in a world of pain.

maddening · 19/02/2013 15:36

Yy to thefallenninja - am sure they do have to know - I know they have their own people to help as well.

If you have to go on a debt management plan (which sounds likely) it will be marked on his credit file so totally visible to his employers.

Original poster
AmyD87 · 19/02/2013 16:12

So is that the law then? 'cos its making me more frightened than bfore.

OP posts:
Lottikins · 19/02/2013 16:59

I am an accountant and have never had an employer search my credit file.

Original poster
AmyD87 · 19/02/2013 17:24

Lottikins is it possible to ransfer some how the debts to me? Like they are all in C's name but I could be named in debt and he not, and we could still pay off by any agreement we make? Then it wouldnt matter about the army and his job? Or is that not allowed? After all OK he used cards to get cash to gamble but that's nnot all of it really. As far as I am concerned we got into trouble together (its complicated lol) so why cant I take responsibility? I look after all our money now anyway.

OP posts:
sooperdooper · 19/02/2013 17:30

Are you owed any money back on PPI? I got about £8k back, and it paid off loads of my debts, check if you're owed anything, you can do it yourself, there's some tempate letters on moneysavingexpect.com :)

Original poster
AmyD87 · 19/02/2013 17:37

Well he might be as all the cards were in his name. I dont have any entitlement to that but we could try. Thank you. I suppose even if they gave him the money back they would take it straight off him? But it would make things better so Thank You :)

OP posts:
jcscot · 19/02/2013 19:14

Even if you transfer debts into your name, it will still show up on vetting. Depending on his cap badge, debt can be a real problem if he doesn't disclose it - anyone whose job requires Developed Vetting (where they look at the serving person and all family connections) needs to be pretty clear about any issues like debt.

He shouldn't be afraid of going to his OC or CO - they're used to dealing with this and are more than happy to help. My husband has helped a few of his soldiers with this sort of issue before. Also, there are no more redundancy announcements due until next year, so he should have time to get himself sorted before then.

I will reiterate that the Army can't help unless he tells them. Even if you approach SSAFA, the first thing they will do is advise him to inform his chain of command.

maddening · 19/02/2013 23:07

If you get ppi money they should pay ot direct to you - obviously the wise thing to do is clear the highest interest debts asap with that money - so it's good as you can direct it to the right place.

I worked in a bank on the compliance side and there were plenty of people in the army dealing with financial difficulty and am sure I remember that the army were informed and have a dedicated team to help - and once you've got the debts organised you will feel better.

maddening · 19/02/2013 23:10

Is there any army dedicated forums that would be able to advise of the process before you decide what to do? Maybe knowing how the army view it and deal with it would help?

Original poster
AmyD87 · 19/02/2013 23:46

So it looks inevitable. I always thought so :( Although your message is encouraging jcscot, because really it looks like he might stand a chance. I know his OC? thinks well of him, and so does his SM?. Hoping that in 6months time all this will seem like a bad dream. I think well I know he feels bad about being so selfish or silly i don't know what in the first place to me that's bad enough, but the thought of the army knowing about it is worrying him so much not just becuse its his job but also 'cos the men he's with will think less of him. Next that comes home with him and you can guess the rest. I'm so tired of it and of worring about him and our future. He's coming home (well mums!) the w/e and were going to talk it over properly once and for all. And take the first proper steps to getting on with it. he doesnt know that yet lol. Thank You all so very much for your kind replies Amy x

OP posts:
Original poster
AmyD87 · 19/02/2013 23:51

maddening someone told me the website Arse?!? was where to look but I got so many kind replies from MN that I didnt look on there? does anyone know if its helpful or not? Obviously i'm not going to say his name etc and it would be best if he approaches his own managers himself but they might have a bit more detail? Amy x

OP posts:
jcscot · 20/02/2013 00:09

ARRSE can be a bit of a harsh environment - but it can also be useful in providing info. I'd call SSAFA in the morning or, alternatively, call the AFF - they're really helpful and can point you in the right direction.

SSAFA - 0800 7314880

AFF - 01264 382327

If you get some advice, you'll be able to help him sort through this and let him see that debt, so long as it's being dealt with, does not mean the end of his career.

It will not be the first time his chain of command will have dealt with this.

Original poster
AmyD87 · 20/02/2013 00:23

Jcscot thank you very much for the information, but more than anything else for your kind and supportive words, which are making me cry right now.! sniff.. Thank You Thanks Amy x

OP posts:
SolidGoldBrass · 20/02/2013 00:50

CCCS has changed its name to Step Change Debt Charity, but they are still absolutely marvellous and have sorted my debts out.
I don't know enough about the armed forces to advise on that specifically, but Step Change probably will, and you can phone them for a chat without having to give any identifying details anyway.

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