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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Help-debts

27 replies

AmyD87 · 19/02/2013 01:36

Hi sorry if Im in the wrong place its quite bewildring :( I don't know where to turn, I cant tell my mum (I'm living with her at the mo) and I dont want friends to know. My husband and I are in some debt (£18000) with cards and stuff and I dont know where to turn. Hes in the army and he wont tell them because it might harm his career. I ddidnt know but after our first he started gambleing and it seems it got worse and worse, until of course the bubble burst. Dont call me for letting him look after the money he's a good man. He stopped gambleing and now hes in GA but we just have this debt that wont go we dont get enough to pay it off itlooks like forever. He might be made redundant from the army anyway. I dont know if the army would help or would throwhim out? Please does anyone know where i can find out? Without the army knowing? Sorry if this is a mess but I'm a mess right now myself.

Amy

OP posts:
jcscot · 20/02/2013 11:24

Deb in the forces isn't necessarily a problem, so long as it is clear that you're dealing with it and it's under control. If you bury your head in the sand or try to ignore the problem (especially if it gets to the stage of missed payments or CCJs etc) than it can be a problem that the chain of command can do little to help.

If your husband approaches his chain of command now, before it gets to a troublesome stage, they will help him and it will be done without judgement (assuming he has a good OC/CO, that is!). They won't blab to his fellow soldiers as everything will be treated in strictest confidence - just as they would with any other welfare issue.

You say he's away right now - is he due home soon or has he just left. If he's just left on a six month tour, don't leave it until he gets back. Seek advice from your unit Welfare Officer or SSAFA and start the ball rolling now. If he's due home soon, get it sorted as soon as he gets back.

As for redundancy - he shouldn't worry. I know it's hanging over everyone right now but redundancy is not decided purely on whether someone is in debt or not - it's a lot to do with cuts in certain regiments/corps v expansion in others and they're hoping that a lot of the next tranche or redundancies will come through "natural wastage" as people reach the end of their careers as well as people applying for PVR as they decide to move on.

My last warning: debt will become a problem if he doesn't seek help and if it becomes a problem, it may well escalate to a disciplinary matter and AGAI action. The fact you're worried about it suggests that things are becoming difficult to manage for you both, so please, please, please seek help now. It will lift a weight from both of you and will help you get clear. Also, your husband needs to be clear to his chain of command just how the debt was incurred - gambling, like other obsessive behaviour can be a problem on its own and he needs to be able to reassure them that he has that under control. Given that he's going to GA, he seems to be doing all the right things.

My husband is a serving officer and, believe me, he's seen and heard and helped with all sorts of stuff and I'm pretty certain your husband's chain of command will have done the same so he shouldn't be afraid to seek help if he needs it.

Good luck.

AmyD87 · 20/02/2013 15:38

You see I feel so much better for your messages. Obviously youve heard about this before. Well I despair of seeing our money going on paying it off and yes it will get better with some arrangements. He's going to sort it out believe you me :) He's not away for 6 monts (that was 2010 he did that), no he's on a course, normally he travels here but it's too far so he comes at w/e if not called for duties? Yes there will be redundancy and he did say that some of the older ones are looking to leave etc but he's really worried that whats happened might put him ina bad light. But thanks to what youve said I feel much better and Ive told him and he listened so maybe were in the right place again or nearly lol. The gambleing well it wasnt a long time thing it only lasted a few months but got really silly, started with him out with some friends (not army) and ended like I've said. Hes really no thought to do it any more tbh i think it makes him ill to think about it. He is in GA but not every week or any thing like that now. We got him one of those pre pay cards for petrol and spends while hes away and now I'm the boss :) tbh i'm miserable about the money but even I know its not forever, more worried I was about him and what hes going to do if the army didnt want him. Thank You so much for your kind words and the trouble youve gone to, and I would like also to say Thank You to everybody who placed a reply i've been overwhelmed by it all Blush you are all very kind Thanks Amy x

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