That a present bought for yourself isn't really a proper birthday present

[Timeforabiscuit]

My birthday is at a crap time of year i.e. now

While we didn't have much money I was desperate for a decent winter coat and spotted a good deal online I foolishly said to DH -"don't worry I can have it for my birthday" as justification.

I have been lovely and warm in nice winter parka - but now it's my birthday and I want a proper* present.

*Proper meaning something thoughtfully chosen

I am fully prepared to buy my own cake, cook my own birthday meal and probably make my first cup of tea - because I'm a realist and home before DH.

But this surely doesn't let DH off the hook?

If I ask for something specific DH still buys it and gives it as a gift, and we get cake box of chocs etc. I dont think just because you happen to ask for something that your dh should ignore the fact its your birthday totally (well unless you do the same to him!)

havingamadmoment You are a lone voice of reason in a sea of well... reason I suppose but I don't still don't have to like it!

Have never left out DH's birthday - he's just not keen on cake but gets one anyway

What if I write DH a note saying "I Owe you £50" i.e half the cost of coat - does this release me from the previous arrangement and necessitate him going to the 24 hr Tesco for a card at least?

This question may be better off in legal.....

or the 24 hour petrol stn for some daffs? from his point of view you are no doubt a gift yourself!> i.e. a woman that says what she wants ! oh what joy ! he thinks! > at last ,i (he) cannot get it wrong ! some blokes really do struggle !

I would say you could still have a card and a little something at least, like choc's.

Our anniversary was recently, now as we're trying to save, I said no gifts. However I still got DH some hobnobs and flakes (better than it seems as we're abroad) to unwrap with his card. I got a card. I've now explained, just because I said no gifts, it didn't mean he couldn't spend 10quid on a little something to mark the day. I think with some men, you have to S P E L L I T O U T.

I think for me it would depend a little on how long ago you got the coat. If it was back in October, say, I can see how you feel you might deserve a little something extra now to mark your birthday, to make it special.

If, however, you got it last week in the sales, then I think you are on chips, as we say up here.

YANBU (I seem to be the only one). I'd be feeling sad and hard done to in my nice coat I'd been wearing for weeks if my birthday went unrecognised. I don't think it would kill DH to buy you a £10 gift for the day. Suggest - Thorntons chocolates, M&S jewellery, pair of gloves/scarf to go with your coat.

It's the fact that someone has made an effort to be thoughtful on your birthday rather than the actual gift isn't it?

I do think you dh could get you a card and a box of chocs or something- a bit mean not to or maybe you could go out for a pizza or something.

Developments!! Dh has come home and taken the girls upstairs

There has been rustling and many "shhh its a secret!!!" whisperings

and I have a cake!! DH wanted to make sure I didn't get one so i get to gaze at the chocolately loveliness!!

I am very very happy

and the coat isn't my proper present!! it was something I needed - my present is on pre-order so it won't come until later.

I knew I wasn't loopy - Birthday miracles do exist!!

soworrnoutIt's the fact that someone has made an effort to be thoughtful on your birthday rather than the actual gift isn't it?

That's it exactly!

Well, all my best presents have generally been the ones I've picked myself and if I've gone to the bother of finding them it is not really an extra effort to buy them too. I think it's a great thing to do, you get exactly what you want and are not at the mercy of anyone getting it wrong (I am quite hard to buy the exact right thing for it must be said and I don't really like surprises). Mine is this week too, so long as I get a card and maybe some sweets from DH and the DCs I'll be happy.

Bloody hell, YANBU! I hope he at least gets you a card, and a little bunch of flowers. Or a little cake on his way home from work for you. He could get you all three for under £10! Just a little gesture of recognition that it is your - his DW's - birthday is all that's needed. The fact is, for some people (most of the posters on this thread) these little gestures apparently hold little meaning. For others, like you (and me, and a handful of others) they are very important. A successful partnership entails (among other things) working out what your partner values, and seeing if you can accommodate it. Buying your DW a card and a cake on the occasion of her birthday simply because it makes her happy, even when she has already (shock! horror!) had her 'real' present (which she sourced and acquired herself) is the action of a caring partner.
But give him a chance, op, he may surprise you!

Noooo, I buy myself lovely birthday and Christmas presents.

Yay! Cross posted! Op, I am very pleased that your DH has indeed surprised you!

raises a glass to those that believe in the little things : )

So glad you've got something. It's ok that the coat is your big present but you need a card and a little token just to mark the fact that tomorrow is your birthday.

Yah boo sucks to the MN wisdom that says adults can't celebrate their birthdays.

Hooray! I'm really pleased for you. It is absolutely the fact that someone cares about you - and he's come up trumps by the sound of it.

Have some

Yippee have just seen this now and am so chuffed for you!!

And here's some to say Happy Birthday from all of us!!

You "took the time picking out the present" for a reason, namely - to get the present you actually wanted. And you did. Stop sulking.