to ask advice. i stalked on twitter, wish i hadn't. found out horrible things, do i tell DH?

[MoodyDidIt]

there is a long back story to this, i don't want to drip feed so here it is in a nutshell. dh has a DD from a previous marriage. for the sake of this post i will call her SD even though i don't really have the right. as DH doesn't see her at the moment because SD doesn't want to (basically because of her mum causing loads of trouble). he is not in contact with SDs mum at all other than he pays maintenance via csa. he has tried and tried to stay in touch with his DD but she is not interested at the moment. and we don't even know where they live at the moment.

anyway just joined twitter and decided to start seeing who i could find on there, well i found SD (just turned 16) and was quite shocked at what i found, there is semi naked pics, and loads of sex and drugs talk, honestly it takes a lot to shock me but it made me feel sick :( i know i shouldn't have looked, but her profile is open and i just couldn't help myself.

should i tell him? or just leave it alone, as technically SD is an adult....he can't really do much anyway, maybe tell her mum, (although god knows how seeing as he doesnt even know her address or anything).... plus i am embarassed for looking, but i was curious as SD is my DD's half sister :(

and as an aside, her twitter could be a way for DH to get in touch with SD without having to go through her mum as he has had to for the last 5 years.

wwyd?

It's also not about a anyone's right to see anyone.

Yes it is. It's about children's rights.

I would imagine that one of the reasons why your daughter still wants to see you is because she knows what efforts you made at often great personal cost, to exercise those rights on her behalf.

I also have tons of guilt about being "absent", that will never go away. It was my decision to leave, I live with how that has affected my daughter every day.

I am very lucky that her mum's poisoning, which dd has told my dw about, hasn't affected her ability to see things for what they really are.

badinage, I agree about children's rights actually. Despite my earlier post.

I support anyone who leaves an abusive relationship Techno, because as well as the damage it does to an individual, that environment also hugely damages children. You tried to exercise your daughter's rights when she was too young to do it for herself and consequently because you have been present in her life she has a relationship with you, despite enormous odds and obstacles. Your situation is therefore markedly different to the OP's.

Thank you, badinage. Sorry for hijacking the original thread.

i am glad you got out of your abusive relationship techno and glad you now have a relationship with your dd

you deserve happiness so don't ever feel guilty about leaving. your DD (unless she knows already) will understand why you did one day. mums leave shit relationships all the time (i did with 1st H) but no one calls them for it. in fact people call them brave and strong etc. and the mums mostly get to "keep" their dc so don't have to go through the pain and guilt that many dads do.

mums leave shit relationships all the time (i did with 1st H) but no one calls them for it.

Oh yes they do, if they leave their children behind and don't even try to exercise those children's rights to see both parents. Mothers who do that get castigated far more than fathers in the same position. If you're going to use comparisons, at least compare like with like.