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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be uncomfortable with people asking how much I earn?

78 replies

digibouti · 17/02/2013 20:03

Ok, it was just my mum. But still, I feel really uncomfortable saying it. Do other people know how much you earn?

OP posts:
Passmethecrisps · 17/02/2013 20:04

I'm a public servant so if people were dead keen they could find out. But YANBU - it's grim. I hate that - asking about salary, cost of your house anything like that is horrid

ratbagcatbag · 17/02/2013 20:05

Yep, but I don't really mind, some people are more private though, if they initiate the conversation I go with it, if not I don't generally bring it up. So that probably doesn't help :)

HecateWhoopass · 17/02/2013 20:06

No. Well, my husband, obviously. And the taxman. Grin

I just laugh and say "not enough" and change the subject. Very very few people ask again.

And if they do, then it's time to look them in the eye and ask (in your best confused voice) "why do you need to know that?"

Shenanagins · 17/02/2013 20:06

Nope, its none of their business and nor is it any of mine how much they earn. If asked i would probably be shocked and would just say not enough and pass it off as a joke.

wineandroses · 17/02/2013 20:07

Don't think I would mind telling the parents, or the odd sibling who might ask, but wouldn't want to tell anyone outside the family, and I think they would be rude if they asked. My family are a bit nosy though, but I don't mind them.

wineandroses · 17/02/2013 20:08

Lots of people at my place of work discuss their salaries. I don't ever discuss with work colleagues - it never ends well. There's always someone with a face like this Sad otherwise.

notallytuts · 17/02/2013 20:10

i dont really mind, as long as they ask politely!

i think there would be far fewer issues with pay gaps and the like if people were more open about money

Pilgit · 17/02/2013 20:16

It's uncomfortable and depends on the circumstances! Generally speaking I think we should be more open about what we earn and then it will be less hard to hide the disparity between men and women. However when it's friends that ask it makes me very uncomfortable as I earn way more than most of them

freddiefrog · 17/02/2013 20:20

YANBU

I hate talking about money and how much we earn

DH and I are both very lucky in our jobs, we both work from home (DH has an office in the garden) and both earn a decent wage. I think people think that we don't really work, as neither of us actually leave the house and go to a 'proper' office, although DH travels a lot for work

One friend actually said 'yeah, but you don't work properly', so it feels like I'm being grilled.

steben · 17/02/2013 20:22

I think it is the height if rudeness to ask such questions - YANBU

Bunfags · 17/02/2013 20:25

YANBU. It's rather vulgar. In some circumstances and with some people, it might be ok, but generally it's bad form.

Backtobedlam · 17/02/2013 20:28

With friends/random people it'd be weird, but my family are very open about money, I discuss things like that with my mum without her even asking. It's the same with my siblings, we've all helped each other out, lent money etc at different times so I'd happily discuss salaries with them to.

IfNotNowThenWhen · 17/02/2013 20:33

The only reason that people are not supposed to discuss what they earn, and that it is "rude" is that it is in the interests of those in charge.
For years (and now still to some extent) women earned a lot less than men for the same job. It is only by being open about what everyone is earning that equality can be found.
I will happily tell anyone what I earn, if asked.

Tasmania · 17/02/2013 20:33

Not sure what to think of this. Traditionally, it's seen as vulgar.

But I think the world would be much fairer, if everyone was open with it, because companies wouldn't be able to get away wit paying one person more than the other, despite both doing the exact same job.

Has anyone ever watched Show Me Your Money?

Very interesting...

Tasmania · 17/02/2013 20:35

Why is it traditionally vulgar though? Who ever came up with that? Surely, that was the idea of employers who would rather not have their employees talk to one another about, causing a corporate revolution...

VBisme · 17/02/2013 20:36

Well my family know, but no-one else. I agree it's a bit Hmm that anyone would ask.

Redbindy · 17/02/2013 20:41

How much do you earn?

pixi2 · 17/02/2013 20:44

I was taught not to ask about other people's money. It's rude.

andubelievedthat · 17/02/2013 20:44

Tell them that ask , they do not like it? their problem. ! vulgar?rude? nope/perhaps, ?dunno/who really cares? and them that do care, are particularly shallow .(imo) well ok ,u and i both know , if u are earning more than them ? as you get up and leave same company ,you will "feel" the daggers of envy/jealousy whaming into your back as you put on your (overpriced and designer labelled) jacket(wot u did work for) truth, innit?!

aldiwhore · 17/02/2013 20:45

YANBU. Saying that, I've never been asked and I don't want to know what others earn. Obviously among my friends I know which ones have a higher income, but it's not something I dwell on (until they go on a second holiday somewhere exotic and then being human I am a little Envy).

It's hard to say whether YABU regarding your mum though, I completely depends on your relationship. IWBU to not tell my mum if she asked, because we tell each other a lot of things (although I'd be perfectly within my rights not to tell her - it would simply be out of character for our relationship).

Generally though YANBU at all.

Yakshemash · 17/02/2013 20:47

I earn just over £36k.

See? Doesn't hurt does it?

I think everyone should be forced to wear a little badge at work with their gross salary printed on it. Secrecy about pay just breeds unfairness and the associated resentment.

mynewpassion · 17/02/2013 20:49

I hate it, too. I just believe that finances should be private.

MavisGrind · 17/02/2013 20:50

I don't like to share however I read an article years ago about how, when asked, people assumed that to be in the top 10% of earners you had to earn £150K plus. In fact, at the time, it was about 47K. The gist of the article was that people might have a more realistic perception of what a good wage looks like if we were more open about our salaries.

stargirl1701 · 17/02/2013 20:52

I'm a teacher. You can look my salary up online. Grin

ihateconflict · 17/02/2013 20:54

i have never quite understood why people get so offended by this, if someone asked me what i earned, i would have no qualms in telling them. I dont see why it has to be a big secret.. However, i would never ask anyone what they earn for fear of causing offence to them, it seems to be one of societies unspoken rules not to ask people about their income