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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to be on the deeds of my new husbands flat

116 replies

mpi · 17/02/2013 14:37

i married by partner of 4 years last october and moved into a flat which he owns outright...when we have argued he has threatened to throw me out and change the locks which has made me feel insecure....when we last made up and i explained how insecure this made me feel he offered voluntarily to put the flat in our joint names...after cancelling several solicitors appointments he now says he never understood what joint ownership meant, and now he refuses to do it and has stormed out (again) accusing me of trying to con him out of half his house.
Am i being unreasonable to think that when married...what we each have is shared?

OP posts:
kitbit · 17/02/2013 18:00

I think YABU to want half of everything automatically, however he is an arse for using this to threaten you. You need to address the latter I think, and suggest pooling assets to get something jointly yours.

specialsubject · 17/02/2013 18:02

in normal relationships, houses are shared. In normal relationships, threats to throw a partner out and change the locks are not made. He doesn't trust you. He may or may not have reason.

Sounds like you should file this marriage in the 'oops, bad idea' department and move on.

allgoingtoshitnow · 17/02/2013 18:20

Very grabby OP. Looks like you struck fools gold.

RubixCube · 17/02/2013 19:41

My mum didn't put her ex on the deeds of her house as i think she knew deep down the relationship wasn't right for her.It's not always true that apon divorce the house that was brought outright before marriage is divided.It all depends how long you have been together if they put anything into etc.

RubixCube · 17/02/2013 19:42

*upon

BlackMaryJanes · 17/02/2013 19:48

fuckwittery Which land registry form is the most appropriate? I'm in a similar situation to OP. Children involved in my case.

fuckwittery · 17/02/2013 19:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fuckwittery · 17/02/2013 19:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IneedAsockamnesty · 17/02/2013 20:21

A man would have to have a sold gold cock before I put him on the deeds to my home.

badguider · 17/02/2013 20:24

fuckwittery got there before me - it's the marital home, you cannot be thrown out and he cannot sell it from under you.

TranceDaemon · 17/02/2013 20:29

He is being a total twat, and a man who threatens to throw you out and change the locks is NOT someone who gives a shit about you in any way.

If he ever says it again save him the trouble and tell him to stick his flat then run as far as you can in the other direction.

If you don't already, please don't have kids with this twunt.

LessMissAbs · 17/02/2013 20:29

Hmmn. What have you contributed? Did you pay half the deposit and do you contribute towards the mortgage? You will be entitled to part of its worth anyway, should you divorce, although its only a short marriage so this might be limited.

But YABU to demand to be put on someone else's title deeds. Why didn't you negotiate this when you got married and why did you marry someone who threatens to throw you out? tbh I would tell my DH to take a running jump if he married me, didn't have his own property and demanded he be put on the title deeds to mine.

Why not buy your own property and rent it out if you want security?

Compos Hat To be honest if someone kept on Gatting on about wanting half of my house, alarm bells would be ringing in my head

I wonder if this is what is causing at least part of his behaviour in this marriage?

RubixCube · 17/02/2013 20:44

Less his house hasn't got mortgage from what i've read,he owns it outright.I don't think she would get much only what she's put in maybe

RubixCube · 17/02/2013 20:46

My mums ex didn't put anything in and he didn't get anything out and they were married alot longer than 4months

RubixCube · 17/02/2013 20:49

So it's not always true abought it being shared after divorce

RubixCube · 17/02/2013 20:49

about*

Spero · 17/02/2013 20:59

If you got divorced now, you would very likely get nothing. This would be classed a 'short' marriage, even taking into account prior cohab and unless children are involved, aim of court is to put you back in the position you were before marriage.

But if you stayed married for 10 years or more you would get something, maybe not half, butit all depends. Once married it is irrelevant whether you are named on deeds or not. What matters are the contributions you both made to the marriage and these can't always be measured in strict financial terms.

I think you are both being unreasonable. You can't expect to be given half a house but nor should he ever speak to you like that and threaten to evict you.

I am sorry, but this doesn't sound like much of a marriage. You should be able to speak honestly to each other about money issues without it descending into threats and unpleasantness. I can't see how his marriage can survive unless you can both communicate with each other.

Viviennemary · 17/02/2013 21:16

I think it's different when there are children from the marriage. I knew somebody who married quite a well off man with his own house. They both had grown-up children from previous marriages. When they split up, it was very acrimonious. She thought she should get half of everything after four or five years. Can't remember what she did get but it certainly wasn't anywhere near half.

thegreylady · 17/02/2013 21:22

Surely to goodness in any marriage the family home is a joint asset! When I married dh2 I owned my house outright as dh1 had died and mortgage was paid off.
I put him on the deeds asap and he gave my dc a sum of money euivalent to half their father's share. Where we live will always be 'ours' legally and every other way.

Bearbehind · 17/02/2013 21:27

greylady that's very different from the OP's situation though, your second husband made a significant contribution to the family, OP isn't doing that.

Lovelygoldboots · 17/02/2013 21:48

Why dont you buy a place together and he can rent flat out. Then you will hav

Lovelygoldboots · 17/02/2013 21:50

Security of somewhere of your own to live.

ihearsounds · 17/02/2013 21:50

I have made the mistake once to put someone else on my property. Never again. Either we own together from the beginning, or nothing. There is no way am I going to work my arse off to pay off a property that someone else can then make a claim on, even though they have put nothing in.

In the op's dh position, I would be looking at how he can protect himself legally because the op seems to go on about having her name on the deeds. Alarm bells are ringing in my head as well.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 17/02/2013 21:54

I'd really like to know what the OP and her H have been arguing about.

Bit surprised she has not been back.

CabbageLeaves · 17/02/2013 22:09

I'm amazed at people who think that when they marry they have an automatic right to take 50% of their spouses life savings. Is that what marriage is about?

I think OP has a dysfunctional relationship. Threatening to throw someone out etc is the behaviour of a controlling person but then so is insisting you own half of a house you haven't bought?

Marriage is not about living completely separately and not supporting each other. Nor is it about one person solely providing for another. It should be two way. I'd never expect to go on deeds of a house I hadn't bought. I would use the money I was saving on rent to accumulate my own investment.

What's his is mine and what's mine is mine... ? I'd run a mile if someone thought that about me