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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to be on the deeds of my new husbands flat

116 replies

mpi · 17/02/2013 14:37

i married by partner of 4 years last october and moved into a flat which he owns outright...when we have argued he has threatened to throw me out and change the locks which has made me feel insecure....when we last made up and i explained how insecure this made me feel he offered voluntarily to put the flat in our joint names...after cancelling several solicitors appointments he now says he never understood what joint ownership meant, and now he refuses to do it and has stormed out (again) accusing me of trying to con him out of half his house.
Am i being unreasonable to think that when married...what we each have is shared?

OP posts:
HappyMummyOfOne · 17/02/2013 16:33

I am not surprised that he wont add you to the deeds either, owning property outright is a great asset and he did that himself so why would he hand half over?

It is correct that bills should be shared 50/50 as you cant expect him to support you whilst you pay nothing. You already have no rent or mortgage so could buy your own place as security.

It seems very grabby to want to get your hands on his house.

andubelievedthat · 17/02/2013 16:36

Well there you see ? for some it really is all down to "i own ,i paid for , he has no chance..." the path of true love never did run smooth, for sure, but the little money god in some posters soul(?) is the only thing there.

Maryz · 17/02/2013 16:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheSecondComing · 17/02/2013 16:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EuroShagmore · 17/02/2013 16:44

I own the marital home. We bought it just before the credit crunch, as the market was starting to stall. My flat sold, his didn't So his is rented out and I bought the house myself. I poured all the equity from my old flat (loads more than in his) plus a large amount of savings into it. He would be entitled to a share of it if we were to divorce regardless of whether or not he is on the deeds. I don't see the need for him to be on the deeds.

Lovelygoldboots · 17/02/2013 16:53

I am really shocked that so many people believe that the OP is bu. Could someone please explain to me what the point of marriage is if what you have is not "ours" but "yours" or "mine". There's no point doing it is there? It's till death to us part. And I think the OPs husband sounds horrible.

Jux · 17/02/2013 16:54

For heaven's sake don't have children with this arsewipe.

TheSecondComing · 17/02/2013 16:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

digerd · 17/02/2013 16:56

Euro
So OP can be assured she will be entitled to a share of his house if they divorce, and does not need to have contributed financially to buying it or have her name on the deeds. That has always been so with married couples.

mrsbunnylove · 17/02/2013 16:57

leave him. he's not your husband he's your landlord. why are you paying your rent with sex?

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 17/02/2013 16:59

I "made" my DH sell his flat and buy one that we had chosen together in joint names when we got married. He completely understood!

MrsHuxtable · 17/02/2013 17:01

Yeah, I don't think he thinks the marriage will last.

mynewpassion · 17/02/2013 17:02

I'm giving the OP's husband the benefit of the doubt because like some other posters, I am in the camp of if I paid for it before marriage, its mine only. I am willing to share but I won't let him take half of what I paid for all by myself.

Now, maybe the OP's husband might be starting to see her as grasping while she sees it as security.

I think the solution is for them to have a legal document drawn up stating that she can live in the house in the event he dies but if she re-marries or dies, then the house is reverted back to his family.

HollyBerryBush · 17/02/2013 17:03

I do honestly see both sides of this.

Personally, I wouldnt have married anyone who wouldnt share with me! but then again we owned and built our assets together.

I don't know if I'd have held the same viewpoint if I'd held large assets before I got married. I'd have been a lot more cagey I think

Bearbehind · 17/02/2013 17:04

OP, I think part of your problem is the way you are wording things, in your last post you said you were glad others agreed you should have an equal footing in your home- which is your husbands flat- that's not what the majority of people are saying- he bought and paid for it so marriage does not entitle you to half of it.

You should feel equal in your relationship and the place you live, which is what you probably mean by 'your home' but if he won't move you will never be equal because it is his property.

If I were you I would get the fuck out of the relationship I would try explaining that you don't want half of his property but you do want to feel more secure in where you live so you both need to find a way to compromise.

Don't keep arguing about wanting half of his property- many people would never agree to that.

ImperialBlether · 17/02/2013 17:06

I think it might be because if you've only been married four months and your new spouse starts saying they want to be on the deeds, it's not unreasonable to wonder whether this played a part in them deciding to get married.

As in, "What attracted you to this mortgage-free, home-owning man?"

digerd · 17/02/2013 17:09

That is not what the law for married couples says in this country.
In Germany, what each couple has before the marriage belongs to them and not the spouse. Only what is acquired during the marriage is joint property. Not so here.

scarlettsmummy2 · 17/02/2013 17:09

If you felt happy and secure in your marriage it wouldn't be an issue. I can see why he would be pissed off!

HollyBerryBush · 17/02/2013 17:10

The Op has disappeared - I wish she'd given an indication of ages though.

DizzyHoneyBee · 17/02/2013 17:13

If you are not on the deeds and not on the mortgage you can't be made to pay them if he doesn't but, as you are married I am thinking that you are entitled to a share if you divorce.

mynewpassion · 17/02/2013 17:16

The home is mortgage-free before they were married. I think he can make the case that she gets nothing or very minimal in the event of a divorce because she put nothing towards the house.

nooka · 17/02/2013 17:24

It doesn't really matter what the deeds say once you are married. I bought our family home outright from funds my family gave me. When dh and I separated I took legal advice and was told he had the right to half of any funds from selling. We had been married for almost 10 years and had two children, and I'm sure that came into it, but as the marital home he had acquired rights. It's only before marriage that it matters what is on the deeds.

I agree with everyone else that this marriage looks as if it is on very rocky foundations.

CloudsAndTrees · 17/02/2013 17:25

There is the possibility that OP has debt or isn't very good at managing money, and if she ever ends up going bankrupt, this man would lose his house if her name was on the deeds.

I'm obviously just speculating, I think it's more likely that there are children involved somewhere. OP needs to clarify!

RubixCube · 17/02/2013 17:25

That's very true mynewpassion.I know this because my mums been through this herself.Exept her ex payed f all in her case

mynewpassion · 17/02/2013 17:49

However, if he were to die tomorrow, because they are married, she gets the flat unless he has a will stating otherwise.

Makes me wonder if he already has done this after meeting with a solicitor on his own after canceling ones made by her or by him in her presence. Her comment about him knowing what it means if there is joint ownership makes me suspect that he sought out some legal advice.