Friend wearing fur

[Gobsmackedcph]

I'm genuinely confused as to what to do. I am a vehemently anti fur, I think it's completely unnecessary in this day and age. The conditions that animals are kept in in fur farms all over the world are horrendous and not something that I would ever want to be involved in for the sake of fashion. As a disclaimer, I do eat meat but only free range from our butcher. My opinion is that breeding animals for meat in humane conditions is ok, breeding animals in horrific conditions for the sake of fashion is not ok. I accept that these are my opinions and that not everyone will agree with me.

My dilemma is that I have just found out that a friend is going to buy a real fur stole to wear to her wedding in September. Her reasons are that it will keep her warm for the photos outside, it will become a family heirloom and that her husband to be will think it's very sexy.

I am absolutely horrified that I have known her for 3 years and had no idea that we were so far apart on animal rights issues. I am actually really upset and worried, of course it is her day, her decision, her life but I am not sure that I can actually stand there and hug her and have photos with this horrendous thing around her neck that I am so against.

So I need a bit of perspective, should I keep my nose out, accept that it is her decision and although I can't respect that decision should I just laugh along happily and cover up my feelings? Or do I go to the other extreme and not go to the wedding, of course the last thing that I want to do is for my opinions to affect her special day. Or is there a happy medium?

I guess my question is, AIBU to think that I might actually not be able to bring myself to go to my friend's wedding because she will be wearing fur?

Thanks everyone, reading all your opinions has actually been really helpful to get perspective on this.

I am sad that my friend thinks that buying a brand new farmed mink stole for the sake of fashion is a desirable thing to do (and agree with the 'boak' about her fiance finding it sexy!). It makes me feel like there is a side to her that I didn't know about, i'm not overbearing about my preferences for ethical farming so I guess its something that has never come up. I guess I just thought that the vast majority of people these days think fur is pointless and wrong and it's a bit of a shock to find that my friend thinks its fabulous.

I don't think that I was ever going to not go to the wedding because of it, I wasn't trying to have some big moral high ground, actually more that I didn't want it to come up because her wedding is not the place to have a debate like that and I didn't want her to have any downers on her wedding day. But also I don't really know if bringing it up beforehand is appropriate either, I don't want it to be in the back of her head or anything. I like the advice of just keeping it simple and if it were to come up in conversation it's ok to say that I don't agree with fur but the ceremony was lovely, or whatever.

But if i'm honest, and as much as I hate that it has and am very aware that I am probably wrong to let it, I do think it has changed my opinion of her a little bit

I guess you would have to think about the following:

1. Do you know the actual conditions that the animal was kept in?
2. Was the animal a wild one and had a 'free range' life?
3. Did it die of natural causes or was it killed?
4. Was the death peaceful or was it brutal?
5. If it was killed, did it die instantly or was the death prolonged and painful?
6. Do you know if the animal was kept and killed just for the fur?
7. Did other parts of the animal end up as food?

This post is kinda silly, the OP has said it's coming from a mink farm. Therefore you known it was kept in terrible conditions, died a brutal and painful death and the carcass was then discarded. Those questions answer nothing.

OP I might not ditch her as a friend, depending on how close the friendship currently is, but it would definitely change my opinion of her.

Gosh that's a long list, Stuntgirl. I don't think OP meant to have an inquisition.

Fair enough to revise what you think of her, Gobsmacked. Just remember that she may be forgiving of your faults than you are of hers.

Nothing says 'wedding' like adorning yourself with something that was skinned alive. And with so much fur coming from China, you get the extra added bonus that it could well be mislabelled cat or dog.

Have you thought of mentioning to her that as 'fur' is such a contentious issue, maybe she should reconsider wearing the real deal to her wedding. It should be her day and she should be the centre of attention not if the shrug she is wearing was factory farmed or humanely culled. It really is a heated talking point and could distract from the event.

A good few years ago we had this problem at a big family wedding when a worthy teenage goth loudly accused a Hyacinth Bucket type Aunt of being a murderer for her mink jacket. Funny now but big dramas at the time and very awkward during the photos

Try Etsy - faux fur. Even have wedding stoles that look super luxurious

You could always tell her that a fur stole for a sept wedding will not be needed. I got married end of nov and had all the photos outside (1.5 hrs worth) and was on such a high that i was toasty warm in my strapless/sleeveless wedding dress.

To those claiming hypocrisy, RTFT. The OP gave the disclaimer that she eats organic meat and sounds pretty conscientious. It is fairly well-documented that fur is often produced from animals which have been skinned alive and that cat DNA has been found in fur products sold in the UK. Is she saying she eats bits of cow hacked from the animal while it's still alive? No.

I'd be speaking to her about where her fur may actually come from. If she's happy to wear something that may have been skinned alive then I guess that's her choice. A vile one, but up to her.

I didn't ask those questions lljkk! Sorry didn't make it very clear (was being lazy as on phone ). The questions were a previous posters; I agree they are bollocks. The second paragraph was mine.