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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think giving a valentines card to your daughter is a bit weird?

127 replies

FatPenguin · 16/02/2013 21:02

MIL got valentines cards for OH to give to his daughters (15 and 12 years old). He refused and said he thought it was a bit odd giving valentines card to your kids. MIL is now in a huff with him.
Do people do this?

OP posts:

Beaverfeaver · 17/02/2013 10:06

I think it's weird but know many who do it.

superstarheartbreaker · 17/02/2013 10:07

Some of us single mums got together on Valentines day this year and had a little party . We made cards and heart shaped scones for the kids. We also made a chocolate fondue and dipped strawberries in it; not wierd.

DomesticCEO · 17/02/2013 10:10

I don't see anything wrong with giving cards to DC but do think, as other posters have said, that its a little odd that only girls are getting them and not sons. Why leave the boys out?

Or is it all about the daddy's little princess crap?

shushpenfold · 17/02/2013 10:13

It's lovely....I used to send one to my dad, being that I loved him for being my lovely dad.

shushpenfold · 17/02/2013 10:16

Lovely, lovely Obviously having a moment this morning (a lovely one!)

SarahBumBarer · 17/02/2013 10:23

I think it's depressing (and weird) that people are so quick to label practices weird just because it's not what they do.

Jinsei · 17/02/2013 10:47

I think it's depressing (and weird) that people are so quick to label practices weird just because it's not what they do.

But it's not quite that simple, is it? Personally, I would never send a valentine's card to my dc, my friends or my parents etc., because for me, that's not what this festival is about. However, I see nothing weird about other people doing it if that's what they want to do.

What I do find a bit odd is the number of parents who only seem to send cards to their children of the opposite gender - mainly dads to daughters but also mums to sons. If it is a celebration of non-romantic family love, why does gender even come into it? Why don't the cards go from mum and dad, to both sons and daughters? (And before anybody jumps on me, i know they do in some families and that's not what I'm talking about). This is the aspect I find a bit difficult to understand, and nobody has really explained it.

DomesticCEO · 17/02/2013 11:02

Jinsei, that was the point I was trying to make but you put it so much better than me!

If its about non romantic love then why the dads to daughters thing?

That's what I think is weird!

Jinsei · 17/02/2013 11:10

domestic, I tried to make the same point yesterday but it didn't come out very clearly!

I would genuinely like to hear from someone who does the dads to daughters/mums to sons thing as to why they do it like that!

CheeseStrawWars · 17/02/2013 11:16

St Valentine is the patron saint of engaged couples and happy marriages... it's a romantic love thing. St Sarah is the patron saint of daughters - she has a day on 19th August - perhaps your DH could tell your MIL he'll hang onto the cards til then?

Why did your MIL get your DH cards anyway - if he wanted to do that, then surely he'd have got his own?

WhatsTheBuzz · 17/02/2013 11:16

get
a grip! Unless your MIL is actually a creep in general, it's weird that
in your head this is an issue. I was given a flyer for a Valentine's
themed kids' craft morning, is that inappropriate too!?

BrianCoxandTheTempleofDOOM · 17/02/2013 11:22

I send DD a card and usually get her a little present.

I started that tradition after my friend telling me that her dad always bought her a card and she really loved it (always left it unsigned, she always pretended to not know who it was from - silly family tradition, but meant a lot to them).

I liked the idea of doing that for my DD (9 yo). I have never sent a V card to anybody (other than home made card to my parents when I was little) and have never celebrated V day, so the 'romantic' love thing holds no ties to the day, for me.

Owing to the onus I have put on getting DD a card, V day is all about 'Love' whatever that means to you as a person/family, but not 'romance' to me.

DS is due in 5 weeks omg am hyperventilating and I did think how lovely it would be next year to get him involved too! (although it will mean absolutely nowt to him, being 11 months old! )

BrianCoxandTheTempleofDOOM · 17/02/2013 11:25

If its about non romantic love then why the dads to daughters thing?

but why not? Unless you (you in general) are insinuating the dad is doing it for perverted reasons.

Sometimes in life, there is no ulterior motive/deep thought - maybe, just maybe, it's an innocent little gesture aimed at bringing a smile to a face?

WhatsTheBuzz · 17/02/2013 11:27

as
for banging on about the origins of Valentine's day, do you do that at
christmas/easter/halloween too? fgs, what are you actually trying to
insinuate?

BrianCoxandTheTempleofDOOM · 17/02/2013 11:35

WhatsTheBuzz nail on the head.

It would be interesting to know how many people who celebrate Christmas, do so to the letter (midnight mass, church on Christmas day) and how many of us save opening presents until Boxing Day, as was the original reason for the 26th December (in the UK at least)

I said it about Baby Showers the other day, other traditions/cultures should be openly embraced. It gets on my tits nerves the way that it is sneered upon, and the good old 'Americanism' line is rolled out time and again.

What's wrong with embracing other cultures? Or should ours (UK) not evolve and just stay the same forever? If so, for what reason? Culture is not fixed, it is life, it is something that breathes and evolves over time.

can you tell I am putting off housework?

MusicalEndorphins · 17/02/2013 11:40

Some people like to celebrate everything. My mother used to decorate the house with cardboard Valentines, decorate the table, and give us heart shaped pancakes, red jello and cupcakes with red sprinkles decorations on then. We all got chocolates and cards on Valentines Day.

I do not follow suit I may add.

MusicalEndorphins · 17/02/2013 11:42

PS. I think your dh was snotty to his mother.

Jinsei · 17/02/2013 11:46

But still nobody has explained yet why gender comes into it?

MusicalEndorphins · 17/02/2013 12:15

OP, do you mean, the cards were to be from your dh, not from her? In that case I tale it back, your dh was not being snotty.

Perhaps her mil thinks the boys would be embarrassed because it is "girly"? (not my opinion) I don't think that is fair, it should be none or all, and the cards should be appropriate for the persons they are for.

MusicalEndorphins · 17/02/2013 12:15

*take, not tale.

DomesticCEO · 17/02/2013 12:52

BrianCox, nope no insinuation whatsover that its peverted but why leave sons out? If you have children of both genders why would dads only give cards to their daughters and not their sons?

Original poster

FatPenguin · 17/02/2013 12:54

MusicalEndorphins- Yes she bought the cards for OH to give to his daughters. 'These are for DD1 and DD2 from you - write in them' sort of thing. He didn't tell MIL she couldn't give cards from herself but he just said it isn't something he wants to do.
And yes I also wondered why it was just girls in the family who gets them, as you said it should be for boys and girls or no one at all.

Apparently MIL does this every year and every year he says no so she signs them herself and pretends their from him.

OP posts:

allbie · 17/02/2013 14:07

Well I give a card and chocs to all our DCs , boys and girls...shock...horror! They know it's me and they love it!! Our eldest daughter (15) wanted to make sure I was doing it as usual because she liked getting a card from me! It's about soppy old love and I love them all with all my heart. You live but once, why confine yourself to having to be so against everything when you can spread abit of fun, laughter and happiness? Not to mention an acknowledgement of your pure love for those most special to you in the whole wide world!

AuntieMaggie · 17/02/2013 17:19

I adopted the idea of it being about more than romantic love and telling your other loved ones how much you care on v day from scandinavian friends who in their 20s still made little cards/notes for 'everyone'. I think its lovely and doesn't have to be expensive or commercial. Who doesn't like to be told they're loved?

Foggles · 17/02/2013 17:26

I've got nothing against it but it's not something we have done - or any of our friends / family TBH.

Perhaps it is a more recent practice?

Having said that, people wonder why DH & I get each other easter eggs....

because it's chocolate - that's why!

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