to think that it is poor behaviour if children/teenagers play on their phones for 100% of the time at a meal out?

[FlouncingMintyy]

Bit of a reunion with old friends today. We are scattered far and wide so don't see each other all that often and have lots of children between us ages ranging from 8 to 14, who don't know each other particularly well but have certainly met before and seen each other from time to time.

There were more than 25 of us and the only way we could configure it in the restaurant was for the 8 children to sit on a table nearby.

Aibu to be really unimpressed that 3 of these kids simply played on their phones for the entire meal and made no effort to interact with the others?

My dd said that one boy (younger than her) literally did not speak at all.

Nebulous - I didn't organise the get together.

overall probably better to have left the kids at home.

YANBU. Cant believe that people are describing it as unfair for children to spend a couple of hours in the company of other children they don't know. It's a good life lesson surely learning how to get along with strangers and make conversation with people other than friends and immediate family.

OK, so the adults wanted to spend time together, so the kids were dragged along to an event not of their choosing & then consigned to a kiddy table.

They behaved themselves by not disturbing the grown-ups' meal. Some of them chatted, others played quietly on phones. Seems fair enough to me.

If it's something you'd rather not see happen, then maybe something a tad more generally interactive, like a barbecue in someone's back garden, might be more appropriate next time.

Tbh, if you had had the option of a table for 25, with the dc interspersed, I imagine they'd have found two hours of 40-50 year olds swapping grown up banter over their heads spectacularly dull. Lengthy restaurant meals aren't much fun when you're 12.

Unfortunately the 8 and 10 years olds are probably too young to be left at home, wouldn't you say?

Ah, load of bollocks. YADNBU. You've been out for a meal and they're all texting/gaming/Facebooking blah blah whatever.
I can see it from their point of view, though that they don't actually KNOW anyone at the meal so they're busy phone fiddling instead,
Then, on the other hand, common sense kicks in and I think "wait a chuffin' minute, they're ranging from 8 to 14."
Since when do you need a mobile? Since when do you need to communicate with others when you're out with others who aren't in your party?!
channels old gimmer emoticon but seriously doesn't care
They should be encouraged and told to suck it up and enjoy the moment they're in, and speak to the people they're out with. Not randomers nowhere near where they're at at that moment in time.

*I am a fucking dinosaur.
DCs not allowed phones or gizmos at the table. Even DS1 aged 19.

They can be bored for a couple of hours. It won't kill them.*
Yeah, only just seen this and have to say - this!! It's a couple of hours. It won't kill them to be without their phones for a few hours.

God I hate attitudes like this Flouncy -sitting in judgement constantly. We've just been to Bermuda for the week - did masses of improving things (vast amounts of sightseeing etc - history based and also science at the Bermuda Underwater institute), by our evening meal we were done in and I was perfectly content for my children (8 and 10) to borrow our IPhones play games and completely ignore us. Screw other people and their expected standards of behaviour (our waitress lectured us about how her father confiscates her phone and that of her sisters when out to dinner together)

well, if it was only the 8 year olds, then they could sit with the adults, or maybe the older ones who were not on their phones would still have said they wanted to go.

so i re read and, yes, it was the 12 and 14 year olds on their phones. they could easily stay at home.

Add message | Report | Message poster FlouncingMintyy Sat 16-Feb-13 20:31:02
"I'm quietly amazed that the two parents concerned didn't tell them to just get off their bloody phones. Parents who are scared of saying no to their kids, or just oblivious to how awful it looks?"

"How awful it looks" - that's painfully superficial of you. It's all about how it looks ?!?

Ok hmc, keep your hair on. Not sure what your massively improving holiday in Bermuda has got to do with anything.

And how do you know I sit in judgement constantly? Please tell me.

That were probably checking each other out on Facebook.

My dad always used to stick the kids down one end so that the adults can talk - the problem is, he still does it to us now? we're all mothers in our 40s

I'd have tried to have mixed it up too, although I can see why it would be difficult in the circumstances - if you want children to be sociable then sit with them and teach them

The point is that you would have doubtless judged me for letting my children play on iPhones during a meal whilst we competely ignored them, they ignored us and they both ignored each other - and yet we had spent the preceding 8 -10 hours fully engaged in Swiss family Robinson bonhomie and worthy activities which you no doubt would have applauded like a seal had you observed them. I realise this is not precisely identical to your scenario but I think it illustrates why you shouldn't judge others - and I find these small minded "I know best on matters of etiquette and decorum" utterly ridiculous

If you don't feel a bit stupid by now, you really should

I wouldn't have let my DCs play on their phones although they would not have had to be told this. It is not crime of the century though

I would have had the kids sitting mixed with the adults though.

It is not an excuse but the kids playing on their phones may have thought it was ok as they were sitting with other kids and not adults.

Really hmc? I actually don't feel in the least bit stupid and I very much doubt anything you could say would make me feel so.

Yes well that fits (closed minded, incapable of reasoned debate)

Why should the children be mixed with adults in this situation?

If I was 14, I would rather talk to a 12 and 8 year old, than a 40 year old I don't know.

When we were young, all the children ate together on one table and adults on another. I remember chatting with other children and making friends and it was fun!

I'm mixed about this.
Is rude to sit at a table with others and make an effort to exclude yourself rather than engaging. I'd not have been allowed to (eg) read at the table as a child, which is the same thing really, even if the conversation or company is boring /a bit of a chore.
BUT.... they were in a restaurant, you were able to have a good catch up with your friends, which was the point of the day, and they didn't cause any problems. I can see why having a "younger" table was a good plan in the circumstances: you wanted to catch up with old friends, the event was about the adults, for once, and it's perfectly OK for kids to come second and be a bit bored sometimes. if it was something you did every week then it'd be different.

If they were chatting over the meal but using the phones later on, or at first when they felt shy initially, then then IMO that's fair enough. I'd give them the benefit of the doubt and assume it wasn't literally the entire time.

I'd be with you on the surely they could make an effort to be civil for two hours thing, in spite of the fact that the whole thing was always going to be dull for them and it was all for the adults benefit, if you hadn't shoved them onto a children's table.

Given that your own dc behaved as you wished, I don't think there is much point losing sleep over the fact that some of your friends' dc behaved in a manner which their parents, who were present, presumably found acceptable, & which did not endanger or inconvenience anyone else.

Running around shrieking under the feet of waiting staff = not on. Quietly playing on phones = slightly gauche but essentially harmless. Suggests that they were having a mildly crap time, & everyone's afternoon will be more fun when the youngest ones are old enough for the adults to go out for lunch leaving them at home.

Flatbread, I'm with you. I have fond memories of meeting other children in similar circumstances to the OP. Learning how to interact with new people is surely a life skill that will stand anyone in good stead.