to think that it is poor behaviour if children/teenagers play on their phones for 100% of the time at a meal out?

[FlouncingMintyy]

Bit of a reunion with old friends today. We are scattered far and wide so don't see each other all that often and have lots of children between us ages ranging from 8 to 14, who don't know each other particularly well but have certainly met before and seen each other from time to time.

There were more than 25 of us and the only way we could configure it in the restaurant was for the 8 children to sit on a table nearby.

Aibu to be really unimpressed that 3 of these kids simply played on their phones for the entire meal and made no effort to interact with the others?

My dd said that one boy (younger than her) literally did not speak at all.

I don't think you were seated incorrectly OP, and I think that most of the posters who agree with you (myself included) think that had the DC's not been on their phones they may have been able to talke to each other and get along better.

The reservation was made for 21 but the restaurant unhelpfully lost the booking.

But hang on, how comes it was made for 21 if more than 25 showed up?

Yes, if you're going to include them in this activity that you so desperately want them to learn from.

Mixing the tables up, going to a different restaurant where they can accommodate you, saying 'no phones' and getting them involved in conversation and engaging with them. Now, I can see merit in that.

Shoving a group of bored, mixed ages group kids onto the kiddy table and bitching about them not engaging with each other and opting for FB over chatting to some random 8 year old kid 6 years younger than you- no. That's absolutely ridiculous.

You're treating them like babies, so don't complain if they act as so.

There was one 8 year old ffs who, luckily, my 12 year old and 10 year old were willing and happy to include.

Adults do this as well - just look around the next bus or tube you get onto - at least 50%on their phones, checking messages, on BBM etc. My DH knows I hate this, he had taken at one point even we went out for dinner together (and this was rare!) to place his phone on the table - just in case of course. I had to say something. Nothing is THAT urgent and what did we do before the dam things.

If we have left DS at home alone when we go out we leave them the resturant number. Nothing has happened apart from silly calls, like 'shall I let the dog out', have you fed the dog', 'what time did you say you were coming back, I have forgotton and it goes on and on..../.

Ok Euro, so you don't see any merit in getting the teenagers to do something not on their terms for an hour or two because your proposal is to re-work the event and make it more palatable for them.

EuroShopper - do you think the 12, 12, and 14 year olds who were permanently on their phones would have been properly engaged if they were on a table with the rest of us (ages 44 to 51) talking about our jobs and the good ol' days? Do you really?

We often have family and friend gatherings, anything from 8 adults and 8 children upwards to around 30. The children are included in the socialising.
If they weren't, then it's really up to them to choose what they do to while away the time. It sounds as if the three didn't want to be there, did the other five chat and socialise and make new friendships?

'EuroShopper - do you think the 12, 12, and 14 year olds who were permanently on their phones would have been properly engaged if they were on a table with the rest of us (ages 44 to 51) talking about our jobs and the good ol' days? Do you really?'

Depends what sort of an effort the adults made to be interesting and inclusive.
You obviously think YANBU, so why ask the question?

Oh goodness.

I can see your point, that you would obviously prefer them to talk/chat together. But I can also absolutely see that with that age range that there would have been a massive amount of hormones flying around.

Even children that had met before/knew each other can be forgiven for awkward behaviour once the hormones start to appear.

Personally, if the 8 of them were sitting together and not making a racket or disrupting the conversation of the adults, I would have seen that as a result.

I can remember when I was that age being painfully shy, so if I had had something to distract me, I would have been very grateful.

So, I am going to say that YABU to judge it as poor behaviour.

YANBU to want them to 'behave' themselves.

But YABU to assume that they should behave as you want them to.

They, presumably, let you all get on with what you were doing?

So you booked a table for 21, they only gave you two tables that would sit 20, but you had more than 25 people turn up?

That sucks.

What a sensible post. BIWI.

Hmmm I'm not sure about this. My son couldn't get through an entire meal with strangers without tuning out on his phone (or old iphone with no simcard which he uses as an ipod) as he has an ASD and finds these situations extremely difficult, but I'd let him have periods of interacting with people and then periods of being able to tune out on his phone and if there were other children around the same age as him I'd encourage him to interact more.

If there are other children of similar age then YANBU.

If not, then YABU... meals out were only exciting for me when I stopped being a kid.

My mum constantly huffs and tuts if the boys bring their Nintendo's to meals out... and yet, when I was a child, her bag would be packed to the brim of 'distractions' and 'boredom control' items (colouring books and pens, puzzles, toys etc.,) just because it's electronic doesn't make it bad.

I don't care 'how it looks' and I'm not scared of saying no... but meals out can be very dull.

On balance, even though I don't agree with everything you say FlouncingMintyy YANBU in this instance... in my opinion. (Though some of your comments are a bit judgey... meh, I'm guilty of that at times so won't hold it against you).

BIWI I agree.

YANBU. That is a real shame, and had I been the parent of any of those children, I would have gone over to their table and said 'come on, enough with the phones now' or something.

However, no one 12 year old is going to be the one to lay down his phone and say 'soooo, I'd love to get to know you guys better, what say you we pop our phones off and have a chat?' I don't blame them, especially if they were feeling shy or awkward. I slightly blame their parents, and I I mainly think its sad that this is very much how things are going.

Anti social and rude imo
It's only the future if we let it happen

Thanks. Have just kissed dd (12) goodnight and told her how proud I was of her today and that I appreciated it wasn't a day "all about her" but that her Dad and I had enjoyed it very much. I also warned her in advance that she won't ever be allowed to play on her phone when she is eating with/within sight of me, even when she is 17, so she might as well get used to the idea now . She was cool with that.

Hmm. Good luck with that one, Mintyy.

I admire your resolve/intention. But I don't think you'll find it as simple/straightforward as that once they reach their mid-teens.

I would never allow my children to be one their phones at a family meal.

However, they were lumped together on a kids' table, and basically you just wanted them not to disturb the adult get-together - which is what they did.

So, not totted it up, but I think most replies lean on the yabu side so therefore iabu to think that a group of children should be able to entertain themselves for 2 hours without spending 100% of their time on their phone? Even though 5 of them did manage that, the other 3 were not being impolite.

Ok, thank you.

I don't see a problem. It would have been different if you had included the DC on the table with some adults and mixed it up, but you didn't. You then would have had to include them in your conversation, which you, the adults, didn't want to do. You just wanted to talk about the good old days. The DC were stuck at a table with other DC that they didn't know. It's a bit different from having it in someone's house where they could have moved around.

I would have had a problem if they had been on their phones on the table with a mixture of people, but they weren't. They were on the "DC table" (in their minds, anyway). I know about this as it was like this when I was growing up (didn't mind; that was the way that it was at that time) when the whole big family got together. You then were "promoted" to the adult table when you were considered old enough and you had to join in the conversation.

So, YABU.

Will you reconsider how you organise your next get together, OP?
Were the other children on the table bothered at the time by the three not participating?

YANBU. I really can't stand to see anyone (children or adults) playing with their phones when they are out for a meal with family or friends. It is rude behaviour, full stop.

I'm baffled by some of the posts saying they understand why the kids didn't interact with each other. Why on earth couldn't they? Why would it be at all odd for a 14-year-old to talk to an 8-year-old? Presumably not all of their acquaintances are precisely the same age. I suppose they might have younger siblings or cousins or neighbours.

Putting the children at the same table makes perfect sense to me. I would imagine they would find more to talk about together than they would with a group of adults.