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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have been a bit freaked out by tenacious postman this AM?

59 replies

MrsBertMacklin · 14/02/2013 14:01

I live in a block of flats. Our postman buzzed the intercom this morning. I'd was just going into the shower and knew it was him, with a non-urgent parcel (DVD boxset), so decided to ignore the buzzer, assuming he'd leave a card & I could pick up parcel from the delivery office tomorrow.

He then managed to get inside the block and I could hear him asking my neighbour if she knew I was in and her saying 'not sure'. He then knocked on the door, then knocked again. I was stepping out of the shower at this point. He then banged on the door and said 'It's the postman, can you let me in, I know you are at home.'

I called out that it wasn't convenient for me to answer the door and apologised. Postman's response was, 'I know you are in, your car is outside.'.
I repeated that I was not able to open the door right now and asked him to leave the parcel outside the door, which he refused to do.
He then started saying that this was ridiculous, can you just open the door and I can be on my way, so I repeated that I was not in a position to open the door, I had just got out of the shower, could he please leave a card or wait for a few minutes, the answer to which was 'oh, for god's sake'.

AIBU to think that I don't have to answer the door to take a delivery if I don't want to? And that delivery people might consider that women at home on their own, may not want to open the door to strangers when they're only half-dressed?

OP posts:

Sizzlesthedog · 14/02/2013 14:26

How does the postman know which one your car is? Creepy.

mrsstewpot · 14/02/2013 14:26

Surely putting on a dressing gown is a lot less hassle than picking up parcel from depot or sorting out re-delivery?

NatashaBee · 14/02/2013 14:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsKeithRichards · 14/02/2013 14:29

Why are you even ordering things to be delivered when you don't accept deliveries?

MrsKeithRichards · 14/02/2013 14:30

I don't think he needs training, he delivers stuff and was probably a bit stumped that someone was ignoring him. I think the op needs training!

AmazingBouncingFerret · 14/02/2013 14:33

If you really dixnt want to open tye door why not just tell him the reason why. "Sorry,cant answer ive just gotout of shower and am not decent " type thing.

mrsstewpot · 14/02/2013 14:34

And why wouldn't you just hold off going in the shower for 2 minutes? You hung around long enough for him to get in the building and then heard him speaking to your neighbour, so why not just answer the door?

You don't have to answer the door to anyone but your logic baffles me!

gordyslovesheep · 14/02/2013 14:35

do you have a designated parking space ...maybe that's how he knew your car was there

yabu - he was trying to do his job

mrsstewpot · 14/02/2013 14:37

He spoke to your neighbour so he/she probably told him that your car was there.

Do you suffer from paranoia?

adeucalione · 14/02/2013 14:37

I reckon the Royal Mail gets most of its complaints from people who didn't get their stuff delivered, or don't think their postman tried hard enough to deliver an item (thus necessitating an annoying trip to the sorting office) - he probably thought he was trying his best for you, and got a bit grumpy when you acted, not just ungrateful for his efforts, but decidedly odd.

Honestly, I do think it's weird to stand on one side of a door shouting 'i'm not answering' when you could've just answered it.

Locketjuice · 14/02/2013 14:38

YANBU! My postman knocked this morning I was in the living room ds1 watching tv and me applying my tan in there so he wouldn't throw a wobbly whilst I was covered and unable to pick him up, my son ran to the stair gate the postman could see him through the front door window but I was naked bar a gstring and no clothes I could get to without passing the door so he just left it in my outside cupboard (whilst I stood mortified contemplating can j really run past the door naked and back again dressed without Looking like a complete prick?) Simple?

LittleChimneyDroppings · 14/02/2013 15:01

You don't have to answer the door. If you're happy to go and collect then its up to you. Your postman sounds weird, especially the bit about your car being outside.

Original poster

MrsBertMacklin · 14/02/2013 15:02

Oh, I hadn't thought about it being Valentine's Day!

In response to the 'wouldn't it be easier to answer the door/grab a gown' queries: I was in the middle of trying to find dressing gown when I asked him to leave parcel or wait a minute.

I don't ignore callers at the door as a matter of course, but I would feel vulnerable, rather than embarrassed, about opening the door in a towel when at home by myself (was the subject of a home robbery a few years ago, for context). Maybe should have just told him that I wasn't decent and could he leave parcel by door/with neighbour over the intercom though, rather than making him knock.

OP posts:

BigPantyGirl · 14/02/2013 15:05

YANBU that's a bit annoying and creepy isn't it!
Although I've answered the door countless times with just a tiny towel on... never fails to make the postie smile

mrsstewpot · 14/02/2013 15:06

Eeeek - can totally understand if you've recently been burgled. Sorry for pressing you.

It's horrible having your private space invaded like that.

gillian88 · 14/02/2013 15:09

Lol can't believe he banged on the door and shouted at you to open up! Maybe he also works in the police and was getting his two jobs mixed up

GnocchiGnocchiWhosThere · 14/02/2013 15:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bigmouthstrikesagain · 14/02/2013 15:21

Can't believe anyone thinks you were being unreasonable! I would have been really annoyed if my postie was harrassing me like that - it is your front door, your perogative to answer or not answer it and no yanbu he was.

Cherriesarelovely · 14/02/2013 15:26

I agree he was over the top, that is a bit weird. On the other hand I can't see why you couldn't just put your dressing gown on quickly. Most people hate to miss a parcel delivery.

Ajobforlife · 14/02/2013 15:27

YANBU. Just because your cars there doesn't mean you are in. You don't have to answer your door to anyone if you choose not to. It's not the law!!!! Especially not half naked!

Cherriesarelovely · 14/02/2013 15:28

Sorry just read more of the thread. He does sound strange.

NothingIsAsBadAsItSeems · 14/02/2013 15:28

YABU what's wrong with opening the door in a towel or putting a dressing gown on? Tis what I do if I'm needed at the door

WallaceWindsock · 14/02/2013 15:41

YANBU OP

I have anxiety and its taken me years to realise that a ringing phone or doorbell is not a summons that I must drop everything and run for but is an invitation for me to answer. It doesnt matter how comfortable all these posters feel about answering the door in dressing gowns/towels etc. You didnt feel comfortable and thats actually ok! Not everyone has to react the same way in every situation.

Also just because your car was there doesnt mean that you were in. You could have gone for a run/walk. You could equally have been at home but in the middle of a phone interview/asleep/on the loo/having sex/talking to a friend who was having a crisis about something. The postman didnt know whether any of the above was true, but you would expect him to assume that if someone wasnt answering the door that they had reason to. His hammering away and shouting was totally out of order imo.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 14/02/2013 15:47

Yanbu for all he knew you were sweeping up broken glass, in pain or dizzy from migraine or cleaning yourself after the world's heaviest period - sorry but it happens - why couldn't he leave the item outside your front door and let you pick it up? He sounds keen to do his job but why harangue you.

YouWithTheFace · 14/02/2013 15:59

YANBU, it's not his business why you're not answering the door. I used to go quietly, tearfully mental at the Hammering Postman who delivered quite often when DD was tiny and wouldn't settle to sleep, and who used to BANG on the door until I answered, usually waking the baby up in the process.

(YWBU if you later complained that he hadn't delivered the parcel although you were at home.)

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