Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to be royally pissed off with my husband? (Valentines and birthday related)

45 replies

PureQuintessence · 14/02/2013 13:20

Today is my birthday. To be honest, I dont really care much about birthdays, it is a normal day, it is Thursday, we have parents evening. You get the gist.

But our children think my birthday is something big.

This morning when I woke up, ds2 surprised me with a little soft toy dog saying "I love you". Adorable. He had also made a card in class. He is in Y3 so the class had made cards. He made it into a very lovely loving valentines birthday card.
DS1 was hovering in the doorway looking mournful and upset but did not say anything.

Turns out, when dh took ds1 for his swimming lesson, he had gone to sainsbury local to fill up on petrol. Ds2 had selected a present for me. But dh did not think to get something for me from DS1

Hence I am mad. Why on Why did he only make birthday present provisions from ONE child, and not the other. I really feel so sorry for ds1 who did not get the pleasure of waking me up with a present. It should not be so difficult to arrange for a small present to your wife from your children?

I had such a go at him. He has skulked out to the shed to get some work done.

OP posts:
Pandemoniaa · 14/02/2013 13:22

He has skulked out to the shed to get some work done.

Leave the Bastard In The Shed.

YANBU.

nickelbabe · 14/02/2013 13:22

damn right!
i can't believe he's been so thoughtless - it's not like it's upset you directly, but it's upset your DS1, which has the double whammy of upsetting you :(

he's being a twat today.

Pandemoniaa · 14/02/2013 13:23

PS. And Happy Birthday!

Justforlaughs · 14/02/2013 13:24

How old are your DC's?

N0tinmylife · 14/02/2013 13:25

YANBU, that sounds very thoughtless of him! Is he going to help DS1 get something now to make up for it?

Original poster
PureQuintessence · 14/02/2013 13:26

Ds1 is 10 and Ds2 is 7.

I went to Cargo after drop off and bought myself a nice picture frame. I told dh he can tell ds1 he planned for him to give me a school portrait of the them, they have been ordered.

OP posts:
Wingdingdong · 14/02/2013 13:26

Can your DS1 make something for you, like a picture to go in a frame? Can he help make a cake for you at the weekend and decorate it?

No, YABU. Birthdays aside, Rule 1 is treat children fairly.

AngelWreakinHavoc · 14/02/2013 13:27

Happy Birthday PureQuintessence

It is my birthday today too and I have had a sililar experience this morning strangley enough.

have some Thanks from me :)

Justforlaughs · 14/02/2013 13:28

Just reread and seen that your DS2 is in year 3. That means your DS1 is older than that. Why didn't he ask to buy you a present/ make you a card? One assumes that he knew it was your birthday and if, as you say, it's a big deal to your children why wouldn't he have done something about it? It sounds like your DS2 took the inititive when they were buying petrol. My own DC's are told when there is a birthday coming up and they have the choice whether they buy a present out of their pocket money or not.

Wingdingdong · 14/02/2013 13:28

Blush YANBU! Fat fingers on phone!

CailinDana · 14/02/2013 13:29

Wow serious brain failure on your DH's part. Poor little boy, my heart would have broken for him. Your DH has some serious making up to do.

Original poster
PureQuintessence · 14/02/2013 13:29

He said he did not think about it.

To be honest, he dropped the kids off to breakfast club yesterday and went to a meeting in Oxford, then he picked them up from school and took them swimming. He came home and has worked all night, and had to drive to Windsor for 6 am without sleep, and he got home just after 9.30. I took the boys by bus to school this morning.

I said it was no excuse, it is not like my birthday is any surprise, and neither is Christmas. Angry He did not think about a Christmas present for me from the kids either. We had ds1 in tears on 23rd December, which resulted in a last minute voucher for a spa day for me.

Why can he not plan these things? I cannot be the one to liaise with our kids over my present! I do that with his present from them.

OP posts:
KatherineKrupnik · 14/02/2013 13:30

I'm surprised a 10y old didn't do anything off his own bat tbh.

Original poster
PureQuintessence · 14/02/2013 13:32

DS2 had made a Christmas present, and wrapped it for me himself. He had also taken initiative with the birthday present.

Ds1 would appear to be as absent minded like his dad, and unable to plan.
He remember last night that he was supposed to dress up like a rock star for school today, so we had major tantrum as he thought he could borrow ds2s bowler hat and dress like Psy. Ds2 wanted to use his hat himself, to be Michael Jackson.

OP posts:
LittlePinkMouse · 14/02/2013 13:33

Cant beleive people are saying your ds1 should have sorted something himself! Hes 10 hes not 32!! How the hell is a 10 yr old supposed to buy a gift?!

Yanbu.

Happy birthday x

Original poster
PureQuintessence · 14/02/2013 13:34

Happy Birthday Angel Wine Thanks Hope your day also improves!

OP posts:
Pandemoniaa · 14/02/2013 13:35

It's bloody thoughtless, regardless of how hard he is working. My ex-dh was like this and I still recall those awful birthday mornings when small tearful boys couldn't give me a present and felt awful about it. The birthday morning when they were 6 and 5 and said "We asked and asked Daddy to take us to get you a present, Mummy but he didn't and now it is too late" was fucking heart-rending.

Original poster
PureQuintessence · 14/02/2013 13:36

I know Pandemonia, it is horrible. It hurts the children when it is their parents birthday and nobody has sorted a gift with them.

OP posts:
Justforlaughs · 14/02/2013 13:37

I think some people are "birthday people", I am one myself, I never work on my own or my DC's or DP's birthdays, I never forget neices/ nephews/ great aunts etc on their birthdays. However, my DH isn't a "birthday person", he doesn't see the big deal about it at all, "it's just another day" as far as he is cocerned. If your DS was that bothered about it then at 10 he's old enough to do something without being pushed, and if he isn't that bothered about it then I don't see the problem. You've already said that it is the children who see it as a big deal and not you.

Original poster
PureQuintessence · 14/02/2013 13:38

I made a lovely candle lit meal for his birthday, the boys helped, they set the table in the dining room, napkins, candles, dim lights. Lovely food and gorgeous dessert. Cards and presents.

Why shall mum not get some treatment?

What is it teaching boys about treatment of loved ones, wives and mothers?

OP posts:
nickelbabe · 14/02/2013 13:39

the DS1 is 10 - that's plenty young enough still for dad to say "it's your mum's birthday on , we must make sure you get her /make her a present, what would you like to do?" and then remind until it happens. or at the very least enable it to happen. even if it's well in advance.

Pandemoniaa · 14/02/2013 13:40

What is it teaching boys about treatment of loved ones, wives and mothers?

It's interesting that my sons (now 32 and 30) grew up to be exceedingly thoughtful about birthdays. But I daresay that isn't always the case.

BreconBeBuggered · 14/02/2013 13:41

Don't pin the blame on the 10-year-old! I have one and he loves to buy little presents with his own money, but he'd still rely on an adult to take him into town. YANBU OP. Happy birthday to you and Angel.

Original poster
PureQuintessence · 14/02/2013 13:41

If ds2 had not been in Sainsburys with dad, he would not had a present for me, either. Only a card.

Ds1 was in hysterics on 23rd December when he realized he had forgotten about a present for me. He looked really upset when he discovered this morning that ds2 had one.

So, is the consensus that :
At 10 he should have remembered, planned and arranged a present and if he did not it is because he does not care?

Really?

OP posts:
whois · 14/02/2013 13:41

DH should have reminded and helped DS1, but you were pretty U to be so pissed off with DH.

seems like your birthday isn't really that big a deal to DS1 if he didn't make you a card the night before. Surely you have paper and pens in the house? And at 10 I would expect him to have some access to money, like a fiver in a piggy bank or pocket money, so he could have bought you a box of chocs from a newsagent while out and about.