Aibu to be royally pissed off with my husband? (Valentines and birthday related)

[PureQuintessence]

Today is my birthday. To be honest, I dont really care much about birthdays, it is a normal day, it is Thursday, we have parents evening. You get the gist.

But our children think my birthday is something big.

This morning when I woke up, ds2 surprised me with a little soft toy dog saying "I love you". Adorable. He had also made a card in class. He is in Y3 so the class had made cards. He made it into a very lovely loving valentines birthday card.
DS1 was hovering in the doorway looking mournful and upset but did not say anything.

Turns out, when dh took ds1 for his swimming lesson, he had gone to sainsbury local to fill up on petrol. Ds2 had selected a present for me. But dh did not think to get something for me from DS1

Hence I am mad. Why on Why did he only make birthday present provisions from ONE child, and not the other. I really feel so sorry for ds1 who did not get the pleasure of waking me up with a present. It should not be so difficult to arrange for a small present to your wife from your children?

I had such a go at him. He has skulked out to the shed to get some work done.

Prehaps your DS1 could 'take' you out to lunch at the weekend? He could choose where you go and even what you have from the menu?? Could be fun, oh and leave DH at home.

My DSes are (nearly) 15 and 13. DH still takes them out shopping for birhtday/christmas presents for me. They make a day of it and trail round gams shops too

He does not have his own money (not English money, his birthday money are Norwegian notes), and he is not out and about on his own.

Something had happened to him at school on Tuesday, that carried on until yesterday, so his mind was on that (not in a good way, parents evening today, so no doubt I will get the full story)

I dont blame him for not remembering, honestly. I blame his dad.

I would have thought that at 10 he could ave asked his dad to help him get a present if he couldn't do it on his own. If the help was not forthcoming then it's a different issue. My own children have the decision NOT to use their pocket money to buy a present before now, and have wished they had done so, but that's how they learn. At what age do you think it would be reasonable for him to do something off his own bat?

Posters saying ds1 should have remembered and made plans etc, really? A 10 year old boy? I thought at that age they would be more interesting in counting the stray hairs under their armpits daily

Would be upset with DH not for the one present he got but for not treating the boys equally

Knowing him, like dh and I do, not for a very long time. He has little confidence, and therefore take very little initiative.

I can't believe people are blaming a 10yr old! As with most issues children take their lead from their parents so if dad isn't bothered then the children won't be! It is up to dh to teach them that you get a little something to say happy birthday to mum (just as op does when its her dh's birthday) And you certainly don't provide one child with a gift to give and not the other!

OP yanbu!

Happy birthday

"Would be upset with DH not for the one present he got but for not treating the boys equally"

That is the key really. I dont expect presents. Had told them I did not want presents, that all I wanted was a nice day with them. On Saturday. I asked not to make any big deal of my birthday, it was just another day where I have to go and spend the evening at school for parents evening, so we would celebrate on Saturday.

So, when ds2 selected a puppy toy for me, dh should have selected something from ds1. Ds1 most certainly would have thought about a present for me had he been there!

At 10 he can't exactly go off to the shops and buy a gift can he. It's his dad's responsibility until he's older IMO. Surely if he bought a gift from one child, he should have thought of the other?!

When mine were younger exp never got them a Mother's Day or birthday present for me and they used to get upset. Even though I obviously didn't mind. So they made me breakfast in bed, which was basically a prepared fruit salad, which they'd present it to me in bed with a spoon .

My first ever quote selection! Haha finally I speak some sense :)

It's lovely you got a frame for DS1 to give you (although DH should have done that when he realised his error!) have a lovely birthday.

He won't make that mistake again I'm sure

You are all being very judgy towards a 10yo. Out and about? Really? The dh should have thought of it, and when your ds2 piped up about a present, should have thought 'let's make sure ds1 gets one too. That will be NICE for my WIFE', apart from the fact that it will avoid an argument and bad feeling like they had at Christmas. It's not like your dh even had to think of this himself: your ds2 reminded them both by getting you a present.

Sheesh. Men can just be a bit thoughtless about this stuff ime. Dh is like this. He got me nothing for mothers day this year (my first - and after a truly awful year in which I nearly died more than once as an indirect result of bearing his firstborn) and afterwards tried to justify how hurt I was by muttering that he didn't agree with holidays made my greeting card companies. Fair enough, said I, but newsflash its not all about you it's about thinking of me, and in future, out kids. And taking time to say- I appreciate you. He has been much better ever since (don't even start me on him sulking all day on Ds's first birthday until I told him to go out so the rest of us could have a nice day in his absence). The message sunk in :) (disclaimer: my dh is lovely but sometimes he doesn't know how to think about others beyond himself in the sense of presents)

Your 10yo is not at fault. Bless him. Happy birthday

YANBU - Your DH should be setting your DSes an example.

Happy birthday from me anyway and

My 10yo dd would be highly unlikely to organise anything without prompting/help and would have no ability to go and buy something with her pocket money without me. She would however have been just as upset as your DS

Goodness YANBU OP. Your poor DS.

I cannot believe people are suggesting that he take responsibility. He is still in Primary school! He needs guidance and help with these sorts of things; that's what turns these little boys into thoughtful husbands and kind fathers later on.

Has your DH said anything else, OP?

Well I'll put money or the OP's DH's mother having bought every present he sent when he was younger. My 4 yo made a card and a present for her Daddy without any help or prompting from me (obviously she was told that it was his birthday, but not in a "go and make a card" way, just a "lets go and meet Daddy for a birthday lunch" way). It meant far more to him than any shop bought card and present that I had arranged would have.

I have locked him in the shed.

Kidding.

No, he has apologized. I really dont know what else he can say. Maybe he can do something with ds1 when I go to parents evening. I dunno. He just does not seem to get it, that they get upset if they dont have presents.

ds2 would have thought about it because they were doing cards in class. Y6 does not really faff about with card making for mums and dads!

It's my birthday today too. DH didn't even get me a present, let alone sort one out from the kids.

I have therefore booked a cleaner to come round tomorrow and spend 3 hours being repulsed at the state of our house whilst I spend some quality time with the children.

happy birthday PureQuin :)

dhs mum very rarely remembers his birthday, and she has hardly ever sent anything to the grandchildren either.

Funny, he does manage to arrange presents from his mum to the boys, though.

Good going Kveta!

There are many valentines mums here!