to force DD to find different friends.

[TheBlackBagBorderBinLiner]

DD, Year 1, has in school four close friends but is completely ignored out of school by the parents of 3 of them.

I did n't grow up round here but I've known one of the women for 5 years and thought she was a good friend. I've done the whole smiley, be nice, invite for tea, home birthday party for the others. It's worked with one and DD is welcome in their home.

A year ago I confided in 'friend' that DD was being left out by the two other parents hoping she'd vouch for our respectability.
Over the last year the parents have organised camping trips, xmas meals, dance lessons, swimming lessons, trips to the beach for 4 of the girls.... We're never invited. I think I've got the message now.

Do I cut contact with friend - she would expect to be invited with a big group of friends to Easter egg hunts, BBQs, etc but she clearly has her own agenda for her daughters friendships and my DD is not one of them. She and another of the mums switched schools to be with the 'right' people they are nice but clearly insecure. She freely admits to helping out purely to 'assess' the other kids.

My DD is in a lower book band then the others and five will always be an awkward number.

How do I 'Force' DD to find other friends? How do I handle the friend who has proved to be rather less then generous when it comes to invites to big group events?

No it won't end in tears. So what if they signed up for ballet and swimming together? Your dd can still do the classes. She'll see these friends there plus maybe make some new ones. Really, no-one is noticing who signed up when except you!

WHOOPS sorry, OP. The "desperate and needy mums" I was talking about in an earlier post IS NOT referring to OP. I was commenting on the parents at my own school gate. I really feel for OP, I think it's horrible that some parents are treating her child and or the family like this.
Apologies again, OP. but mothers kissing when they've known each other 2 minutes?! WTAF!?

They could have included op's dd, dancergirl? Would you not see that as deliberate exclusion, rather than op being over sensitive?

No I don't at all floggingmolly Just because they are friends it doesn't mean they have to do EVERYTHING together, that's not healthy. Cliques of girls generally aren't a good idea. Suppose another girl wanted to join their group? If she wasn't invited to something, would that also be 'deliberate exclusion'? And it might not be the four other girls together all the time, I suspect it isn't.

Flogging the OP doesn't know they all signed up at the same time though. Just they all did it before she did.

So your friend's dd does ballet (or swimming or whatever). Isn't it natural to say to your friend "Which ballet does your dd go to? Is it good? Are there spaces?" So you do the same one as your friend. That's not being nasty, it's being sensible. My dc do ballet, and that conversation's happened many times.
And even if they did all sign up together, it's not necessarily a deliberate slight. A says "I'm looking for ddA to do ballet" B says "Let me know if you've found somewhere, as ddB wants to to" C says "I've just signed ddC up for X ballet" D says "Oh, if ddA is doing ballet then ddD would like to too..."
Again I've had/seen conversations like that. Not saying no one else could go, just a conversation at the gate.

It turned out that dd1 and her 3 friends that she liked best all turned up for the same afterschool club one term. None of them had done any afterschool clubs before. Actually I wasn't totally pleased because one reason I'd signed her up was to try and ger her socialising with different people. But anyone looking at it would probably have thought we'd agreed to do it together.

If the Op turned up and heard them say "oh no now SHE's turned up we'll have to change lessons" then she can assume they're deliberately leaving her out.

Sorry but yu have no idead sadly its pretty much how it works with the schol gate mafia if your not like by the mums you child will be exculuded

Its as much about them likeing you as likeing your child so you often find children who are not even friends or play together invited to paryies ect because there mums are in with the mafia