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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To honestly want to curl up into a ball, roll down a mountain somewhere into a lake and never been found again.

40 replies

AaRoundAbout · 13/02/2013 06:28

Just check phones working..

Then will post.

OP posts:
lougle · 13/02/2013 06:36

Listening

MrsKeithRichards · 13/02/2013 06:38

Are you ok?

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 13/02/2013 06:38

Hello.

Original poster
AaRoundAbout · 13/02/2013 06:45

I've been up since 2 crying and crying and crying some more. I don't know what to do, I always find myself in shit situations and I feel just about ready to give up :(

I have a 10 day old ds, dp has been rubbish lately, he doesn't talk to me, come near me or actually even acknowledge I still exist.

He's been sleeping downstairs as he snores loudly so if it wasn't ds waking for feeds it was him snoring keeping me a wake. I went downstairs at 2am to make ds a bottle, noticed dp had pulled a rubbish little blanket over himself so thought he must be cold, I went and got the spare duvet and put it over him when I noticed his phone was lite up...so obviously I had a look, he was on dating websites :( absolutely gutted and shocked I put it back and went back to bed to feed ds,

Dp text me saying "how's it going" to which I replied "r u serious" ... he came upstairs and firstly denied it all, then said he was porn... which annoyed me too as all he's blabbered on about the last 4 days is having sex (I GAVE BIRTH 10 FUCKING DAYS AGO!!!) so instead I gave him oral to shut him up, so even if he was looking at porn, whyyy :( he couldn't have been sexually frustrated and he knows I hate it!

Moving on I brought up the dating sites..he then admitted to having a peak... :( but sees no wrong in his doing so, despite my confidence being rock bottom and only having given birth to our son 10 days ago I assumed maybe I'd get more respect then this. Since ds has been born he's been utterly useless and un helpful.

I hadn't in my notice at work just before I had ds as we are suppose to be moving in march, I've also handed in my tenancy to the rental house I'm living in... I can't trust dp now, Nore will I ever so ultimately I know this relationship has to end. But why's he allowed me to give up my job, my house, my life for him, and now he's done this and landed me right in the shit :(

I feel awful, if I didn't have dc I would of walked out last night and driven off a cliff somewhere...that's how low I feel :( don't know what to do :(

OP posts:
Original poster
AaRoundAbout · 13/02/2013 06:51

If he didn't want to be with me, why plan a baby with me :( why plan moving miles away together. We've been through so much together and now he doesn't even care :(

I'm fucking exhausted :( he's pretty Mich had me friendless so it'd not like I can even call a friend.

OP posts:
Original poster
AaRoundAbout · 13/02/2013 06:51

He's said sorry... but that's literally it.

OP posts:
wannabedomesticgoddess · 13/02/2013 06:54

Oh god. What a complete wanker.

Phone the LL/agency in the morning and see if you can stay on. If not you will just have to move in march, but without him.

Are you near your family? Is there someone who could come round today to help with DS and give you a break?

Please dont do anything more sexually with him right now. You dont have to and he is scum for even thinking you do. It will only make you feel worse. I am so so sorry you are going through this. :(

FellatioNels0n · 13/02/2013 06:55

Oh dear. I am so sorry you had to find this out now, of all times. Do you have other children or is this the first? what other problems have there been?

To be honest, while I'd love to say something to give you hope, there is really no need to go on dating sites just to look at porn, is there? And to be hounding you for sex after 10 days is an incredibly self-absorbed and twattish thing to do. I mean, off the scale in selfishness and lacking in empathy.

I think you need to do a bit more digging when he is at work. Keep your cool, try to stay calm and get your facts straight before confronting him further otherwise you'll just give him a chance to gaslight you.

MrsKeithRichards · 13/02/2013 06:56

Oh God I feel for you. You gave birth ten days ago, this should be a time of rest, recuperation. It doesn't have to be all bliss and roses, just not like this.

It sounds like you're clear that this needs to end, you need practical support. Where are you? Do you have people in real life you can go to?

Housing, is it in your name? Can you speak to ll asap about staying on now. You need to see what you can claim to get you through this, housing, income support etc. I'm not sure of the ins and outs but get in touch with the citizens advice bureau at 9.

He's an arsehole, you know that, don't waste more of your life waiting for him to stop being an arsehole, it won't happen.

You are strong, get him out and concentrate on you and your baby. Congratulations x

Mosman · 13/02/2013 06:56

I am with you my love, just found out 10 years of marriage is completely built on lies and affairs.
If I could tell muyself 6 years ago when i thought H was just lookin g at porn and it's all ok it's what men do, to open my fucking eyes i'd have run for the hills. Leave him whilst you have 1 DC and build yourselves a lovely life whilst he will still be doing all this in 10 years time, don't you be the fool i was.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 13/02/2013 06:56

Oh you poor love. Someone who can give excellent advice will be along soon. What i think you need to do is talk someone in real life very soon. Relative? Health visitor?

This situation is not your fault so please don't pursue that line of thought. You need to get all the help you can to bolster you. It is urgent that you do that so you can care for your bby. Please tell someone in rl asap

X

SPBInDisguise · 13/02/2013 06:57

You poor.poor thing. With a 10 day old you'd likely be feeling fragile enough anyway even if he was lovely and supportive. He is Crap but you and your little boy will be happy. Do you have family or friends nearby? Please go somewhere yo be looked after.

wannabedomesticgoddess · 13/02/2013 06:58

Oh and heres a link to Womens Aid. There are a lot of red flags here. Isolating you from your friends is a really big one.

Pick up the phone and call a friend. It doesnt matter if you have lost touch. If a friend I had lost touch with phoned me upset I would be round there like a shot.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 13/02/2013 06:59

Yes, please don't do anything sexually for him. If you feel under duress or threat, contact Women's Aid.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 13/02/2013 06:59

Xpost

Littleturkish · 13/02/2013 07:03

So so sorry to hear you're going through this.

You need some RL support and practical advice.

Have you any family or old friends you can call?

Eebahgum · 13/02/2013 07:04

Wannabedomesticgoddess is so right - if he's cut you off from your friends they'll already know he's a twat & will be waiting with open arms to support you through this. Pick up the phone & call one of them now. I know it seems like your world is ending but in a years time you'll look back, with your beautiful little boy in your arms, and be glad you got this bastard out of your life.

TheDoctrineOfSciAndNatureClub · 13/02/2013 07:04

Is it possible you could call your work and say you'd be interested in returning if there are ever any vacancies and find out if they've filled your role yet?

maddening · 13/02/2013 07:05

Massive un-mn hugs

If you really believe that the relationship is not salvageable then all you can do is try to plan your life without him.

You say he has cut you off from your friends - can you try and get back in touch? Not for immediate support but for later on.

Do you live near your family?

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 13/02/2013 07:06

Eebahgum has a good point.

And he is a sorry twat of a man

Icelollycraving · 13/02/2013 07:12

God,you poor poor thing :(
Have no idea on the practical things but there will definitely be those who do.

MrsKeithRichards · 13/02/2013 07:14

Eehbahgum makes an excellent point. I have one friend whom I rarely hear from now, getting a reply to a call or message is like getting blood from a stone, from some things she's said in the past I suspect it's her new partner that's behind it. He used to phone or text her every 15 minutes on a night out, would just appear if we were out for lunch. Anyway, I drop her a message every now and again, just general hey how are you stuff. I'll be round like a shot when the shit hits the fan.

MrsKeithRichards · 13/02/2013 07:15

I don't tell her I'll be round like a shot, but I would.

KeatsiePie · 13/02/2013 07:21

That is horrible! I also think Eebahgum is right, call your old friends, even if it's been a while.

And yes, can you call your work and see if they filled your slot already? Have them put you on a list for future openings?

What a shitty person. I'm so sorry.

Hissy · 13/02/2013 07:29

Another one here to say that this man is a bad one. More red flags than a parade in the USSR.

Pick up the phone, call woman's Aid, call your land lord, and perhaps even your old job. You've got everything to gain, and only a very poor excuse for a boyfriend to lose.

we're here for you. A decent friend would be there like a shot, so call around and get someone to help you.

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