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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To honestly want to curl up into a ball, roll down a mountain somewhere into a lake and never been found again.

40 replies

AaRoundAbout · 13/02/2013 06:28

Just check phones working..

Then will post.

OP posts:
Hissy · 13/02/2013 07:35

You might think that this is the worst day of your life, but actually, by reaching out here, you'll soon see that it's not YOU that did this, but that you've had the misfortune to be targeted by an abusive man.

You're about to get all the support, advice, handholding and mumsnet hugs you can handle. Even on AIBU!

That ought to tell you something! Be strong lovey, we'll get you through this.

Your objective is to remove him from your life, by any means possible. The rest will then start to fall into place and get better.

You can do this. You're not alone.

Springdiva · 13/02/2013 08:01

Don't consider him at the moment. It is you and wee one who need help.
Can you call work and say situation has changed and you would really appreciate keeping your job open (even if in the end you don't return you could have nothing to lose by asking this), you can say DP has lost his job or something if they ask.

And see if you can keep on tenancy until you have time to think things out properly.

Any family around? Can you move to near family for support with childcare etc?

DP is being an arse so just leave him be meanwhile and and look after yourself, there's time to see to him/ chuck him out in the future, if that's what you want.

GloryWhole · 13/02/2013 08:22

I really feel for you.
I discovered on the day i got out of hospital, when my DD was 3 days old, that my 'DP' had been inappropriately emailing an ex girlfriend of his. (I now suspect that an affair was going on, although that email was all he admitted to...he is with that woman now though...) I discovered this as he accidentally forwarded the email onto me.

I never ever forgave him, although i tried to move on from it. I ended up leaving him when DD was 6 months old.

I really feel that what he did, and the fact i stayed and put up with it (but was really bitter about it and we argued CONSTANTLY) tarnished my time with my DD. I should have been resting and enjoying lovely snuggles with my newborn, and instead i was stressed and angry and absolutely completely heartbroken. We argued over it constantly and the atmosphere was horrendous.

With hindsight, i should have left immediately, as i knew even then that i would never trust him again, but i was scared of how i'd cope financially and with being a single parent, etc.
I coped fine, btw. And being a single parent, even though we do now struggle financially, is a damn sight better than being in a relationship with someone i didn't trust and no longer had any respect for.

I feel so sad for you, because when you should be bonding as a family and enjoying the newborn stage you're having to go through this shit.
He should be supporting you, and in complete awe of the fact you've just brought his child into the world, and instead he's behaving like a cunt.

You need to do what's right for you and your baby, and if you know that you'll never trust him again, then my advice would be to not prolong the misery (like i did).

TheElephantIsADaintyBird · 13/02/2013 08:22

You poor thing :( the last thing you should have to worry about at the moment is wether your DP is fully satisfied, you've just had a baby for gods sake!
The dating website being used as porn is the lamest excuse out there, please don't believe this awful man.

Big unmumsnetty hug from me, I've been in your situation and its the pits. Flowers Wine

ScarletLady02 · 13/02/2013 08:27

Some great advice here. You need to concentrate on what's best for you and your son right now. Don't be hard on yourself, get yourself somewhere you can rest and come to terms with what's happened.

FWIW he sounds like a prick and neither you, nor your infant son, need that right now.

SoleSource · 13/02/2013 08:37

Can you call someone? Go to a refuge?

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 13/02/2013 09:08

Did you post under a different name a few days ago? Is this the twat that wouldn't send his friends home or make food so you ended up hiding upstairs? Please take the very good advice on this thread and free yourself & DS from this manchild.

TheElephantIsADaintyBird · 13/02/2013 16:59

How are you doing OP?

GloryWhole · 15/02/2013 09:09

Hope you're ok OP.
Have been thinking about this thread and wondering how you're doing.

SoleSource · 16/02/2013 10:55

Talk to us, no.matter what it is. Nobody thinks bad of you! Xxx

TheElephantIsADaintyBird · 16/02/2013 15:32

Yes, come back OP! I'd private message her but you never know if its going to get sent to a shared email...

Shellywelly1973 · 16/02/2013 15:42

I don't normally post on these sorts of threads as i feel the advice given is so good I've nothing to add.

Please take the advice given. You and your baby are the absolute priority right now.

Look after yourself. Please come back, let us know your ok. X

pigletmania · 16/02/2013 15:48

Bless you I don't kno what to say, I wuld consider waving him, he can't be truted. I would get help in rl, is there anyone you can talk to

pigletmania · 16/02/2013 15:49

I agree shelly there are some great advice, bg hugs op

Pipachi · 16/02/2013 16:12

I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. Your thread title is so descriptive ... I don't really have advice that hasn't already been given and English is not my first language.

I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.

Maybe you can have this thread moved to Relationships?

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