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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think people who talk about their children all the time at work are boring and insensitive

57 replies

atthewelles · 11/02/2013 16:11

A girl at work had a baby last year and talks about absolutely nothing else. Lots of people in here have young children but no one else goes on and on and on and on.........

She shares a room with a friend of mine who has been married for many years but unable to have children and it is driving her mad.

AIBU to think that referring casually to your children in the course of conversation is fine as is talking about some major thing in relation to them but just wittering on about them all the time is really annoying?

OP posts:
Pagwatch · 11/02/2013 16:12

I think just boring really.

Iggly · 11/02/2013 16:14

YABU

Maybe she's nervous and can't think of anything else.

givemeaclue · 11/02/2013 16:15

Yanbu

CailinDana · 11/02/2013 16:15

Yeah boring same as anyone who has only one topic of conversation. Not necessarily insensitive though, unless she's aware of your friend's problems and doesn't care.

Theicingontop · 11/02/2013 16:15

Yanbu. We had a woman in the office who thought she was the most talented, amazing woman in history for pushing five babies out and would constantly tell us, over and over again, of her difficult-but-so-worth-it pregnancies in agonising detail. Every other sentence started with 'mah kids...' and every excuse for anything she did or didn't was because of 'mah kids'.

Honestly it was so tiring. I'd go to work and feel guilty about leaving my DS, and I missed him, but I made an effort not to talk about him constantly. And it was an effort, he was always on my mind. But people need to remember that not everyone is as in love with your children as you are.

aldiwhore · 11/02/2013 16:16

It's annoying, rather self centred, and rather dull... but there may well be reasons for that.

I have a colleague that talks endlessly about her neice and nephew. I have two children which I mention of course, because they're a huge part of my life, but I find endless talk about them tiresome.

I would actually take it up with your line manager, if it is causing your colleague distress it should be gently stopped.

HollyBerryBush · 11/02/2013 16:16

Boring but you cant expect people to not talk about families on the grounds someone somewhere might choose to be offended>

Should I in turn be offended because you talk about your elderly mother and mine is dead? I think not.

CloudsAndTrees · 11/02/2013 16:17

It is boring, no doubt about it. But then people at my work talk about food (diets, baking, what they had when they went out for a meal, food on their last holiday, what they are cooking for dinner) all the time, and I find that much worse! It is so unbelievably dull!

People we work with aren't the people we choose to spend time with, so I think it's just part of work that we have to listen to conversation that we aren't interested in.

Does this person know that her colleague can't have children?

I don't think that people should never talk about their children at work, and if this girl has a baby that's still young, then it's understandable that her baby is the thing she talks about most when talking about her life. She should show some sensitivity, but she shouldn't be expected to not talk about her baby at all.

Original poster
atthewelles · 11/02/2013 16:24

I don't expect her to never talk about her baby. I thought I had covered that in my op. I just think talking about nothing else except her baby is annoying and boring and self absorbed. Not everyone wants to hear all the time about how many times she was up in the night; whether he's on solids or not etc etc.

OP posts:
Sunnywithshowers · 11/02/2013 16:25

It's boring, definitely. I don't think it's insensitive.

While we were going through fertility investigations 3 of my colleagues had babies. I was terribly upset because of our circumstances. However, I kept my reactions to myself - it wouldn't have been fair of me to ask my colleagues to be less excited about their children because of me.

Now we're not going through any fertility stuff (have decided to leave it) I love hearing about other peoples' kids. My FB feed is full of baby and toddler pics.

PimpMyHippo · 11/02/2013 16:30

I think people who drone on endlessly about one subject are always boring TBH, whether that subject is children, pets, diets, whatever new disease they've diagnosed themselves with after consulting Dr Google... bla bla blah! Some people need to learn the art of the comfortable silence!

HollyBerryBush · 11/02/2013 16:32

Diet people - now thats boring - every calorie counted, followed by a slab of cake and how naughty they are - diet people are the office bores

Pandemoniaa · 11/02/2013 16:32

I'm wondering how people have the time for endless conversations at work. Isn't there any work to be getting on with?

Pagwatch · 11/02/2013 16:36

Oh god - the 'oh I shouldn't, this is really naughty, there go my calories for the rest of the day. Oh another slice, how lovely. I shouldn't you know....'

(My mum)

catladycourtney1 · 11/02/2013 16:36

Oh God CloudsandTrees I hate that too! I'm on maternity leave at the moment but when I was at work, every single shift it seemed like everyone would ask each other what they were having for their tea. Every day. Why?!

OP, has she always been kind of self-absorbed and boring or is it just since she's had the baby? I found that, being pregnant, lots of people at work (and in general) started talking to me who wouldn't normally, just asking about the baby and related things. Maybe the same happened with her and she's trying to carry it on but doesn't really have any common ground with a lot of people other than her baby? Or maybe she's just boring. But it's probably because, having a new baby, she spends about 99% of her life dealing with and thinking about said new baby and doesn't have much else to talk about.

Psammead · 11/02/2013 16:36

I'd rather that than people wittering on about X-factor, Eastenders etc.

Can't your colleague just tell her in a jokey way to change the record?

Original poster
atthewelles · 11/02/2013 16:39

catlady she's always been a bit entitled and full of herself. But its just unrelenting at the moment. Other people have commented on it as well.

OP posts:
Trills · 11/02/2013 16:42

People who talk about any single subject all the time with no regard for whether the listener is interested or likely to be upset by the topic are boring and insensitive, whether they are at work or not.

Original poster
atthewelles · 11/02/2013 16:49

Well that's true Trills. We also have the person in here who talks about nothing except her health problems, how tired she is, how stressed she is....

OP posts:
Mia4 · 11/02/2013 17:01

We have a rule in our office, no wittering on about the same topic constantly be it ranting or jubilation. I've had some in (especially the temps) who've not shut up which is a) bloody distracting when you are trying to work and it's constant and b) really boring. Half the time I'd just tune out.

Because for a year we had so many temps and they all could have been given the award for best 'me me me', we agreed to the rule that there was to be no wittering on about the same topic constantly be it ranting or jubilation.

It works for us because we're all guilty of doing it once in a while: I did it about by nieces and nephews and when i got a new project, a friend did it about her husband, another did about her ex.

But it was only infrequent, not constant and repetitive. For those that have been constant and repetitive and we did have two since the rule came in -one about all the holidays she was looking to go on that year with her 'awesome' boyfriend and one who like yours kept droning on about her kids and even tried to show us potty shots!- we adopted the 'that's nice' answer.

A bit of chat was fine but if they started to get all 'me me me' we'd say 'that's nice' at the end with a bland tone, pointedly tune them out and not comment so they were left trailing off with no one to crow to, or just pop in our headphones. The 'potty shots' mum actually works here full time now and laughs when she remember how she was back then, she's very glad for the rule too.

Why not try adopting something similar but showing your disinterest or boredom? She'll soon grow tired of her own voice and no audience.

LunaticFringe · 11/02/2013 17:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhichIsBest · 11/02/2013 17:11

Some people are boring. I realised this a long time before I joined the workplace.

Original poster
atthewelles · 11/02/2013 17:12

I don't expect the world to not talk about something other people have. I just think going on and on and on and talking about nothing else is selfish and can be a bit insensitive. In the same way that if someone who had a lot of money bought a fab new house I would expect her to talk about it but if she kept going on and on about it in front of colleagues who might be struggling financially I would think them rude and insensitive.

OP posts:
waltermittymissus · 11/02/2013 17:18

Does she know your friend has trouble conceiving?

Because if not, she's not being insensitive. Still boring though!

Original poster
atthewelles · 11/02/2013 17:23

My friend has been married for years and is now probably too old to have a baby. She obviously adores children though and spends lots of time with her young niece. I think any sensitive person would realise the situation and just tone down the conversation. Obviously I don't mean she should never mention her baby in front of my friend but expecting her to listen to non stop conversations about the baby and constantly showing her photographs that her OH has emailed her of baby is OTT and, in my view, not showing much sensitivity to someone who sits beside her in work.

OP posts: