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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think people who talk about their children all the time at work are boring and insensitive

57 replies

atthewelles · 11/02/2013 16:11

A girl at work had a baby last year and talks about absolutely nothing else. Lots of people in here have young children but no one else goes on and on and on and on.........

She shares a room with a friend of mine who has been married for many years but unable to have children and it is driving her mad.

AIBU to think that referring casually to your children in the course of conversation is fine as is talking about some major thing in relation to them but just wittering on about them all the time is really annoying?

OP posts:

FutTheShuckUp · 11/02/2013 17:26

A young woman in my last job had a baby and it was all she ever went on about, took him along to every meet no matter how inappropriate it was and only ever updates her facebook status rambling on about her child. Bore off!!

waltermittymissus · 11/02/2013 17:56

See I really don't know about that one.

On the one hand she sounds an utter bore and seriously, nobody needs to see five million photos of your baby!

OTOH not everybody wants children and I certainly wouldn't jump to the conclusion that somebody couldn't have a child just because she doesn't have a child IYSWIM.

I don't think it's reasonable to expect her to know or guess your friend's problems.

TurquoiseCat · 11/02/2013 17:59

So your friend hasn't said that she wants children but is having difficulties with that? In that case, YABU as the person cannot be expected to assume things about colleague's lives, especially if they do spend a lot of time around children.

If we shouldn't talk about children just in case of fertility issues, or new things in case of financial issues, or diets in case of eating disorder issues, what can we talk about?

SoWhatIfImWorkingClass · 11/02/2013 18:08

I used to talk about my DS at work before I finished for mat leave.

Oh well.

Serendipity30 · 11/02/2013 18:09

Boring to others yes , but Insensitive , she has every right to talk about her baby and others have every right not to listen. Ridiculous thread. Why should she be made to feel bad for having a baby.

eslteacher · 11/02/2013 18:20

I think it's insensitive to talk incessantly about yourself and your life full stop.

I have a colleague who is witty, funny, entertaining...but completely self-obsessed and self-absorbed. Completely takes it for granted that everyone is interested in her various ongoing romantic/familial sagas, talks about them all ad infinitum. But hardly ever asks anyone else about things going on in their life, shows minimal interest or empathy if anyone talks about something personal to them, just turns it all back around to her ASAP.

The thing is, I don't think she is aware of how she behaves. I think she genuinely believes she is way more interesting and fascinating than any of the rest of us. And she's the sort to take massive offense and absolutely not be able to see the logic behind any criticism lobbied against her. So we just let her get on with it...

OP YANBU but in my experience people like this never change! You could have a blunt word with her, but am guessing she may well take offense and get stroppy...which doesn't make for a pleasant working environment either.

VonHerrBurton · 11/02/2013 18:21

Oh ffs this is a world apart from 'being made to feel bad she's had a baby'

Unless you've worked with mummy-madness you have no idea how fucking tiresome and boring daily ins and outs of someones child is.

People don't want to hear overkill on any subject, but with kids you feel like they want you go be excited/laugh out loud/overcome with emotions as they are. I share those things with my friends and family, i don't bore the life out of my colleagues.

Bore off indeed!

MrsKeithRichards · 11/02/2013 18:26

I'd say the diet bores were worse but the baby bores are a close second.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 11/02/2013 18:27

Baby bores dont bother me much (I have been guilty of it myself before. Hey, if you met my DC you'd understand! ') I don't think it's insensitive either. As hard as it is for your friend it isnt this other lady's fault friend is struggling to conceive. Not friend's fault either mind you.

Diet bores though... OMG give me strength! SO dull!

Sunnywithshowers · 11/02/2013 20:52

I have a friend who is a baby / breastfeeding bore.

She was self-absorbed before she had her baby :)

Porvoo · 11/02/2013 20:56

I had a colleague like this.
First it was the wedding, then the home renovations. Then it was the pet dog. Then it was every detail of her pregnancy. When she came back after Mat Leave, every lunchtime conversation was dominated by what her baby was doing, bowel movements, the works.
I had enough one day (after the 5th conversation on nappies) & suggested maybe we could all talk about something other than babies. Like, oh I don't know, the current crisis in Iraq. Colleague got snippy & said all she had to talk about was her baby as she no longer reads the news etc. We all suggested we could enlighten her about the outside world by talking about something else

The thing that got me is she never realised that every lunch conversation was dominated by whatever was consuming her life at that point. She never asked about anyone else.

Wewereherefirst · 11/02/2013 20:56

Maybe she spends her life between work and her child and has nothing else to talk about?

kennyp · 11/02/2013 21:04

So agreee. Woman i work with gives a weekly and daily update on her 6 yr old sons reading ability. It is horrendously boring and dullllll as shit. You are not being unreasonable!!

PurpleStorm · 11/02/2013 21:41

I think that any colleague who talks continuously about the same subject, whether it's their kids, their house, their finanaces, their hobbies, is being boring and insensitive. Exactly how insensitive it is depends on how much they're aware of other people's circumstances.

She may not realise that your friend is unable to have children.

larks35 · 11/02/2013 21:52

YANBU, I can only think she hasn't got enough to do or think about at work if she has to witter on about her children. I actually feel quite disconcerted at work when colleagues ask about my children, they're both still pre-school age and I am a bit unusual in being a full-time female teacher with such young children. I know their interest is friendly but I just find it hard to talk about being a mum when I am busy being a teacher.

FakePlasticLobsters · 11/02/2013 22:22

Has your friend told you she minds the baby talk?

She might not mind. When we lost our babies, before we went on to have our son, a few people decided on my behalf that babies must not be seen or mentioned at all, to the point that a family members pregnancy was kept a secret from me for many months. If I hadn't become pregnant again myself they may well still be hiding nephew number three's existence from me and he's going to be seven soon.

It did hurt me to see babies and hear about them, but it hurt far more to be treated like some fragile basket case who couldn't cope, even though they meant well.

Your friend might not mind the baby talk. The baby talker might have no idea about your friend's fertility issues.

Boring she may be, but if she doesn't know or if your friend doesn't mind, then she's not being insensitive.

VikingLady · 11/02/2013 22:23

YABU. If her child is what is on her mind, what else would she talk about? You haven't said that she knows your friend can't have children - perhaps you/your friend should tell her? She probably isn't psychic enough to realise that a child-free person may have fertility issues.

Should no-one at work talk about anything someone else may possibly find upsetting, if they haven't been told about it? My DF died suddenly and young, and DM was frankly devastated. Should no-one talk about their partners and family life just because she didn't mention her DH?

If she does know then YANBU, but you don't seem to have said that.

marriedinwhite · 11/02/2013 22:28

I've got a colleague who doesn't have children and talks about her dogs all the time. She goes home to see them at lunch time . At least I don't nip home at lunchtime to see the children in the holidays.

Original poster

atthewelles · 12/02/2013 09:52

But I never said she shouldn't talk about her children. I said I thought it was boring and, yes, insensitive to talk about her baby all the time. Of course I'm not saying that people shouldn't talk about their children in front of childless colleagues in case they're having fertility issues. The world has to go on. I'm saying that talking about nothing else, constantly expecting people to look at photos of him etc is not on and can be a bit insensitive. In the same way that if someone was going on all the time about their big fancy house or son's scholarship to Oxford in front of someone whose husband had lost his job or whose son had failed all his A levels would be insensitive.

OP posts:

FakePlasticLobsters · 12/02/2013 12:13

Does your friend actually mind though?

Has she actually told you that she finds this colleagues conversation insensitive or upsetting?

AlienReflux · 12/02/2013 12:18

Most work talk is boring isn't it?! People can't get really radical debates going as no one would get anything done. The fact your friend lives with her seems a bit strange, shouldn't she be finding being at home with her more painful than just hearing her talk about it at work?

waltermittymissus · 12/02/2013 12:35

Yes but it's only insensitive if the waffler is aware of the listener's difficulties surely!

Original poster

atthewelles · 12/02/2013 12:39

Does your friend actually mind though?

Has she actually told you that she finds this colleagues conversation insensitive or upsetting?

Yes, she has. Although, in fairness, she's so nice and kind she probably wouldn't let it show so maybe this other person (who isn't the most perceptive) mightn't realise she is upsetting her.

Alien my friend doesn't live with her. She share a room with her in an office. I don't agree that most work talk is boring. I have lots of interesting conversations with people at work - people who don't yammer on about themselves all the time but have a variety of stuff they're interested in talking about including, but not exclusively, their kids.

OP posts:

MardyArsedMidlander · 12/02/2013 12:54

I am looking in a meaningful way at my colleague- wishing she was on MN. Honestly, I know more about her husband and her child than ME. I could go on Mastermind with what Perry won't eat for dinner and what Kevin got for his reading test. (Names changed ob...)
My other colleague is married to someone who worked at CERN and I've known her for 3 years and she's only just told me!

AlienReflux · 12/02/2013 13:04

Ah, I see

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