Extra-curricular activities for DSS

[balia]

Right, just want to get a range of opinions about this...

DSS wants to start Judo lessons on a Saturday. He already does football on a weekday evening, which DH pays for, buys all kit and takes him to. However, if DH can't make it due to work, or the matches are on weekends when DSS is with his Mum, he ends up not going at least half of the time.

So, for two of the Saturday sessions it won't be a problem as DSS is with us from Friday evening. DS has swimming lessons on a Saturday morning so will take both boys out first thing, DSS can watch DS swim, then they can go on to Judo and DS can watch DSS.

But on the third weekend, DH picks DSS up on a Saturday morning. The judo session starts before pickup time, and DH can't collect him earlier because of DS's swimming lesson. DH has asked his ex to drop DSS at Judo and he will pick him up after swimming. Ex is refusing and saying that DH should collect DSS before swimming (it isn't on the way). This would mean getting DS out of the house before 7am, and as ex is invariably late, would mean DS being late/missing his swimming.

We can't really afford it anyway - we would have to cut back on something else (God knows what, these days) but to have to pay for lessons knowing that DSS will only get to about half of them seems a bit mad. Or is the whole thing completely petty?

Would depend how much dss wanted to do judo for me. Also is it pay as you Go type class or pay in advance? Is ex sounds quite uncooperative but I doubt anything you say or do is going to change that.

If the choice was Judo or football, he'd pick football. And the class is pay in advance; we have had similar situations before but clubs have been really good about him going for sessions EOW or 3 out of 4; the organiser of this one says it will cause problems because the kids have practice partners and that DSS will fall behind very quickly.

Ex is currently refusing to discuss it - I think she is banking on DH taking DSS this coming week and paying.

I would explain he can't take him to Judo too and that he'll have to stick to the football.

Why can't you take your ds to his thing, and let your DH take ds's to the other thing?

Sorry if I'm confused and missing something!

yes I was going to ask if you couldn;t take your DS swimming?

If the organiser says it will be a problem for him to miss sessions then I'd just say its not feasible for him to do it . If the ex won't take him to football it's not likely that she will step up to the plate for this either . Can he not just do swimming at the same time as the other one .

Another one who wonders why you can't take your ds to swimming and then drop him off at judo or bring him home. Lots of families spend their weekends ferrying dcs to different activities and isn't usually a problem if there are two parents to share the running around.

Transport issues perhaps?

I don't know, for me it wouldn't just be the logistics of it but also the money and eating into family time. If, it was something he desperaetly wanted to do then, maybe with provisions. But it's not compulsary to do all these activites and actually might he just want to spend some quality time with his dad.

Only one car, both activities way too far to walk. DH is going to ring ex tonight to see if she feels ready to discuss it, see what she says.

What's wrong with him picking up dss earlier on third Saturday? Talk to her about earlier pickup instead of her taking him.

It is in the opposite direction. DS's swimming lesson starts at 8am - if DH picks up DSS they would have to leave the house well before 7am and when ex is late (9 times out of 10) it would mean DS missing his swimming lesson, which I don't think is fair.

Maybe look at public transport for you to take your ds to get to his swimming lesson, or find out if you can lift share.

What about a later start for swimming ? I only ask as we had a number of time slots to choose from for DD.

Can't you switch DS's swimming lesson to a different time or different day?

Can't take DS to swimming during the week (don't get home from work early enough) and the time they offer on a Saturday is down to the level of ability. So hopefully as he gets better the times will change, but right now it is then or nothing. It was the same with DSS when he was younger, in fact that's why he had to give up, as the times changed and ex refused to change the contact times.

I wondered about the instructor saying he shouldn't miss lessons - we haven't had this difficulty before but don't know anythng about Judo, but it does seem very expensive compared to other classes/activities we have done. They offer a free suit, so maybe the prices are high because of that? He's 10, Marius, that is a really kind offer, thankyou. I think I might ring round our local area and see what is available and see if we can offer some viable alternative. I think part of the attraction is that some of his friends are doing it, so maybe a few more sleepover invites would help.

DH dropping you and ds off at swimming on his way to collect his ds sounds like a good idea.

In haste, bedtime is happening

Some martial arts demand a lot up front and then lots of expensive kit then parents can't watch. Not all are worth it (some must be by law of averages) you can shop around.

DS goes to a BMMA class which is £60 sign up fee and £27 per month. if BMMA near you then recommend you try out (think is delegated districts). Or just look around. DS had free class, no tie in, can stop any time (doesn't want to).

good luck

Have actually had to draw a diagram to work out if we could physically do this! So we now have 2 options - there might just be enough time to drop Ds and me at swimming and then Dh collect DSS and take him to Judo. Not sure, and if ex is late for drop off he'll miss the start and am not sure how the instructor will react. Or, we can shop around a bit and see if there is a class we are happier with; they have said parents can't watch and although the sign up fee is less than you mention LisaMed the monthly fee is more than double. Will look for BMMA.

BMMA - British Military Martial Arts. The one DS goes to is taekwondo. It's a franchise details here I cannot recommend my local one enough, the instructor is absolutely brilliant, very patient with kiddies, tough enough with the older kids. Never heard her swear, raise her voice, not be focused, and the kids really do as they are told. She prefers parents to watch (helps with practices, and ds started at 4.5). Also has just got some students through black belt (external examiner) and is really proud of them.

If you are asked for months of fees up front and not allowed to watch then I would treat with extreme caution. I'm no expert but have never heard anything good about that set up. There are lots of different types of martial arts around, it may be possible to do a different martial art etc. Maybe you could ask DSS what it is he wants about Judo and take it from there.