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Original poster

'Housewife' - derogatory?

101 replies

eatssleepsfeeds · 09/02/2013 18:26

This has probably been done to death in times when I hadn't discovered MN joy. So sorry in advance for the yawn.

I was at the opticians today. The 25 yr old optician (I'd say) asked me what my occupation was. I've got 2 teenies but my DH was looking after them outside. I said I look after my 2 children all the time now. I used to be a solicitor. She said, 'Ummm, I'll say housewife then.'

This isn't the first time someone's said this.

I accept I'm a wife and that I'm in the house quite a lot. But I feel that there is a difference between being a SAHM and being a 'housewife' - looking after children, namely.

OP posts:
WifeofPie · 09/02/2013 22:38

Nah...I don't think it's anything to get het up about. We still use the term 'midwife' after all....In fact it might be term to 'take back' the name, as it were. It has been used in a derogatory fashion in the past, but it shouldn't be.

Jizjones · 09/02/2013 22:39

Indeed scottishmummy...but as Whoknowswhocares said early on in the thread "I'm a bit shocked that the optician needs to know your occupation. What possible difference could it make?"

Unless OP does not feel somewhat diminished by answering the question with 'SAHM' or 'Housewife', there is fun to be had in answering stupidity with stupidity.

WifeofPie · 09/02/2013 22:40

time to, not term to.

WifeofPie · 09/02/2013 22:45

...and remember that next time you have to fill in one of those forms, you could also put MYOB or 'International Woman of Mystery'.

Dancergirl · 09/02/2013 22:47

FFS

It's only 'degoratory' because you lot are all saying it is. Be proud of what you do.

microfall · 09/02/2013 22:48

I am happy to describe myself as a housewife and I don't see it as derogatory. I have dc but they are teenagers at boarding school, so I don't feel sahm is an accurate description. I'm pleased that we have a high enough income from dh's work and my investments so that I don't have to work, as I've never enjoyed the restrictions of having a job.

Opticians need to know your occupation because certain jobs will affect your eyesight, e.g. office work involving a lot of computer use.

Permanentlyexhausted · 09/02/2013 22:50

I'm not married to the house

If the term 'housewife' implies being married to a house, do you regularly refer to yourself as a 'manwife' because you are married to a man? Of course not because you'd sound deranged, and like something you might find in a dodgy Thai bar!

Bearbehind · 09/02/2013 22:50

Jizjones' an opticians form is one where it is relevant what you do all day, spending 8 hours a day in front of a computer screen does impact your eyes in a different way to running around after children

Latara · 09/02/2013 22:55

The problem with saying you are a SAHM is that it's too long winded to write out on forms in full.

'Housewife' does sound dated; but are there any good alternative words that are less old fashioned yet mean the same thing??

Jizjones · 09/02/2013 22:57

True microfall, my own previously 20/20 eyesight is now ruined by reading MN in bed at night on a mobile phone Sad

The term 'Housewife' does have negative connotations in Society...I imagine OP's 25'ish year old Optician receiving the reply with a small moue.

Best to shaft the system in your own small way and do as WifeofPie and I would do...MYOB, or BYOB, as you see fit.

Jizjones · 09/02/2013 22:59

Bearbehind Agreed - see above. Though CBEEBIES is seared on my retinas for all time.

Birdsgottafly · 09/02/2013 22:59

"I suppose that technically it should be unemployed really"

If it was a tick box list, it would come under Caring, or Caring responsibilities.

I was a member of the GSCC (now disbanded) and every week from leaving school had to be accounted for, so Carer was acceptable for even your own children.

Unemployed suggests seeking work (in theory) which Carers, aren't.

Certain occupations puts you at risk of disease and eye strain etc, so it is an information gathering question, as the eyes show many medical conditions and an eye test is a medical examination, of sorts.

SolomanDaisy · 09/02/2013 23:00

It is used by some as a derogatory term, including by several aggressively anti SAHM posters on here. I'd never use the term as it defines the role in relation to a husband, when it is usually about the children, I.e. the woman exists only in relation to the man.

redbobblehat · 09/02/2013 23:06

i think full time mum is the most often used term these days in reallife
sahm online

Bearbehind · 09/02/2013 23:11

Jizjones, good point, maybe they should have a seperately tick box for thatGrin

zzzzz · 09/02/2013 23:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SoldAtAuction · 09/02/2013 23:14

We use the term homemaker, as it doesn't refer to gender, or if there are kids at home. I think it sums up what I do rather well.

nailak · 09/02/2013 23:17

"Reading the Plowden Report from 1967 for my literature review, I'm intrigued that several members of advisory council describe themselves as "housewife and parent".

I wonder, would anyone choose that description today for their formal as a committee member?

It made me think about how much we value job titles and roles now; in the 60s it seems that it was possible to claim one's worth in other ways.

The report, by the way, is scathing about childcare for working parents: ?some mothers who are not obliged to work may work full-time, regardless of their children?s welfare. It is no business of the educational service to encourage these mothers to do so?.

Ouch."

juliangrenier.blogspot.co.uk/2013/02/roles-we-value.html

redbobblehat · 09/02/2013 23:31

yeah homemaker is agood one

Jizjones · 09/02/2013 23:31

eatssleepsfeeds How you/we are defined is clearly important for 'data collection purposes' and I'm very Hmmn about that. I do take on board that looking at a screen for +++ hours per day may have an impact on your eyesight (though differentiating between for work and MN'ing may not be so easily distinguished!) - may I ask, in all honesty, what would an Optician do differently if you stated you were working in I.T as opposed to a SAHM/Housewife, when carrying out an eye test?

scarlettsmummy2 · 09/02/2013 23:35

I don't like it as a term- I think it is a bit derogatory. I think I would just like to be known by name or 'not in paid employment' or something similar and nothing with reference to my marital or parental situation.

scarlettsmummy2 · 09/02/2013 23:36

Homemaker is also awful! It's like something from 1952.

Bearbehind · 09/02/2013 23:39

jiz apparently it's all to do with your eyes drying out when you stare at a screen all day.

Homemaker is a horrible term IMO, it makes me think of someone trying to fix one thing that is broken.

Bearbehind · 09/02/2013 23:40

*something not one thing

Rockchick1984 · 09/02/2013 23:41

In my previous job as a mortgage adviser a housewife/househusband went under the heading of "domestic responsibilities" which sounds suitably vague in my mind.

I'm a SAHM now but would have no issues describing myself as a housewife on a form!

Why would you say you were a solicitor on a form if you're not currently working as a solicitor, or seeking work in that field? The person completing the form couldn't care less what you do, but in order for them to do their job properly they need to know at least a vague idea of your day to day life - If you were taking car insurance for example it would be fraudulent to claim to be in a job you aren't currently doing!