'Housewife' - derogatory?

[eatssleepsfeeds]

This has probably been done to death in times when I hadn't discovered MN joy. So sorry in advance for the yawn.

I was at the opticians today. The 25 yr old optician (I'd say) asked me what my occupation was. I've got 2 teenies but my DH was looking after them outside. I said I look after my 2 children all the time now. I used to be a solicitor. She said, 'Ummm, I'll say housewife then.'

This isn't the first time someone's said this.

I accept I'm a wife and that I'm in the house quite a lot. But I feel that there is a difference between being a SAHM and being a 'housewife' - looking after children, namely.

[Bearbehind]

The trouble is, forms etc that you fill in in places like opticians are only trying to get the gist of what you do all day. In the case of an optician, i'm guessing it would be to gauge how much time you spend in front of a computer.

They don't have the space for every possible occupation. If you were a QC or a barrister, would you be offended if the only option was solicitor?

[NotAnotherPackedLunch]

I hate the term housewife. When people insist on making me specify an occupation I use career break (previous job title).

I'm not married to the house.
If you could see the state of my house you'd all be waiting for it to start posting in Relationships or AIBU asking if it should LTB.

[SlumdogMummy]

I agree with the conotations of housewife.
When we registered DS I was still technically working. With DD I was a full time Mummy. I told the registrar I wasn't a housewife as cleaning etc were way down my list of priorities and caring for my children takes so much of my time. On my DD birth Cert it states my occupations as 'full-time mother'

[NopeStillNothing]

Ah yes MsVestibule I have just found that too. Good ol' Wikipedia.
It makes me wonder how those who can't work due to a disability or the lucky few who are too well off to need to work can categorise themselves though. Tbh, I'm a SAHM/Housewife/Unemployed (take your pick from the least offensive everyone ) and I would say I'm available and able to work. I just choose not to until DS is older.

[Aelfwyn]

I sympathise as I always struggle with how to define myself for these little forms too. Having been a mum for 12 years (at home full time, plenty to do but no income, our choice) I am more relaxed about it all now. But going from having a career with a job title and a certain amount of recognition, to being a full-time bottom-wiper, is a huge readjustment. Faced with yet another form one day I decided to appoint myself 'Futures Portfolio Investment Manager'. Futures because that is what kids have; portfolio because we have more than one; investment because that is what they need and manager because I am. But 'Mum' will do fine too. :)

[eatssleepsfeeds]

Ooh - really don't like 'full time mother' either - even more so in fact! How offensive to those mothers who are therefore by definition 'part time mothers'!

No, I have zero problem with not being a solicitor anymore and so that is not the reason behind my reluctance to be a 'housewife'.

Once the little ones are in school (plus think I have another baby in me yet so after that!) I'll think about returning to work in some fashion. But not as a solicitor. For me, the v long and unpredictable hours I worked would not be acceptable to me anymore. God knows what I'll turn to. We are utterly, utterly skint now but what the hell, surely the lottery win is around the corner.

[scottishmummy]

plan your return to employment now as housewife when you have the time
research jobs,courses you fancy.try meet and shadow some folk in area you interested in
if you're so skint you need to figure how to contribute and be less skint

[HanneHolm]

Is housewife a middle class unemployed?
I work in a public sector thing where people on the dole would be described as unemployed. Not a housewife
If a middle class person were not working ..

[scottishmummy]

housewife is dependent upon partner wage,not in receipt of benefits,not seek wor

[eatssleepsfeeds]

When I say skint, I mean I can't really afford to buy any nice and unecessary things like I used to without going over my monthly budget and into credit.

We can afford a weekly food shop and a little extra for necessities and a coffee out of a weekend etc. We fill our spare time nicely and simply without spending a bucket.

I'd rather live like that then return to the world of work right now.

I really like my life as it is.

[scottishmummy]

of course you like life,you're not in stressful role,middle class skint,but getting by
one wage with no intention of working anytime soon.no wonder you're nonplussed

[jellybeans]

I am a SAHM and the term housewife/houseperson doesn't bother me at all. In general though, on most official forms I have filled in lately, they have 'looking after home/family' these days and sometimes 'full time mother'. It doesn't really matter what they call it or even what people think of it!

[jellybeans]

'On my DD birth Cert it states my occupations as 'full-time mother' '

My DC also have that on their BC. Think they tend to use that rather than housewife these days.

[eatssleepsfeeds]

So I need to earn a wage rather than bring up my children myself?

Ok. Didn't intend for it to be one of those threads at all.

This is about the term 'housewife'.

For me, it is about no more.

I'm comfortable with my choices in life. I don't think I am at all 'nonplussed'.

[scottishmummy]

I dont think housewife is a derogatory term,interestingly it's the housewives who have umbrage with it

[Jizjones]

The best answer to these intrusive and inconsequential questions is..."I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you".

[Skinnywhippet]

Housewife as a term reminds me of dormouse, barnowl ....it just sounds weird.

[luisgarcia]

I've been officially labeled a housewife more than once. My bank recently changed my status from unemployed to housewife.

I am a stay at home dad.

[HecateWhoopass]

I dislike it more now than I used to. mainly because my husband's family have 'housegirls' and 'houseboys' (they are kenyan and it is very common there) and i find the terms really dehumanising. The housegirl. The houseboy. no names. I am finding myself beginning to see housewife in the same way, tbh.

[Permanentlyexhausted]

I can't see the issue.

Housewife, SAHM, Homemaker - they are all just different terms for the same thing - someone who doesn't have any other occupation in addition to running a house / looking after a family.

[scottishmummy]

aye,jiz not a dry seat in house as you trot out that quip
hows about not be so touchy and just actually say what you do

[eatssleepsfeeds]

Luisgarcia, that is brilliant.

Your bank is more able to offend than my opticians!

[deleted203]

I don't mind it. I've never described myself as a SAHM, which sounds terribly, consciously PC to me, and I loathe the American 'Homemaker'...

When I was at home with DCs I gave my occupation as 'housewife' without worrying about it.

[exoticfruits]

I'm not married to the house

My feeling exactly-it is a silly term and out of date. It is definitely derogatory when used by Xenia!

[louisianablue2000]

I'd say 'housewife' was a derogatory term. If you are in any doubt think about this. When Dorothy Hodgkin won the Nobel Prize for Chemistry the Daily Mail headline was 'Oxford Housewife wins Nobel Prize'. If the DM uses it it must be bad!

But since there is no acceptable term maybe it says quite a lot about how society view women, bit like there is no generally acceptable non-offensive slang word for female genitalia.