Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

MIL printing out photos of my DM with the DC

51 replies

chocolateygoo · 08/02/2013 22:05

Another MIL thread...... and quite a minor issue really compared to some of the others on here!

MIL loves having digital copies of my photos of my DC, as well as just seeing them on facebook. She likes to print them out in A4 and show them to all her friends and give them copies (and the checkout staff at local shop, oh yes, because she tells me what they say!!). Mostly I feel pleased that she loves her GC so much and a little bit sorry for the checkout staff who have to make polite comments about them!

In the past I have refused to give her certain ones which I don't like the 'wider public' to see, e.g. me in swimming costume at pool. She gets a bit funny about that, her argument was that if they were on facebook anyone could see them anyway and she could just log in to show her friends, that's not totally true as only my limited list of friends on facebook can see them and the photos on there are small not full A4 blown up of my saggy thighs!

Anyway she has asked for a recent pic which shows my mum snuggling up to DS and him giggling away, which she really wants to get printed out. Its a lovely pic but very intimate. I feel uncomfortable on mum's behalf giving it to DMIL to show around people so wholly unconnected to my mum. I know my mum would feel uncomfortable and I don't even want to ask her as she'd feel awkward to say no but would hate the idea of random strangers seeing it. Also DM isn't very close to DMIL. AIBU to refuse and have argument with DMIL, or to give it over with it cropped to remove mum from it, or am I just being a bit precious about it all?!

Anyone else feel ok sharing pics on facebook but odd having someone print them out to hand around?

OP posts:

HollyBerryBush · 08/02/2013 22:06

If you are publicising them then they are fair game . Don't post pictures on FB, they are pblic property, no matter your settings, they can be copied and passed on.

SarkyPants · 08/02/2013 22:09

No way would I put pics of me in swimming costume on FB.
Or pics that I consider intimate.

oldraver · 08/02/2013 22:12

I would close your pictures down to her totally and tell her why as you cant trust her not to print them.

Probably the best thing to do is limit what she does see. Unless she looks from someone elses profile she wont know you have restricted what she can see. I have a special just for my Mum FB page as she is very nosy.

exoticfruits · 08/02/2013 22:12

I can't see why your mother would be remotely bothered. You didn't keep them intimate or MIL wouldn't have seen them.

Tortington · 08/02/2013 22:17

yeah if this is becoming a thing - dont publicise any phtotos except those you want her to see

Original poster

chocolateygoo · 08/02/2013 22:17

Yeah, I see your point. Maybe in future I will just have to be more careful about who I share photos with on facebook, and put the ones of my family on just for my family to see, and vice-versa. Cats kind of out the bag with this one.

Would it be bad to give her the photo and not tell my mum, just feel guilty on her behalf?!

OP posts:

Original poster

chocolateygoo · 08/02/2013 22:18

Custardo the thing is I'm happy for DMIL to see them, I just don't want her to print them out and hand out copies to loads of people I don't know!

OP posts:

HazeltheMcWitch · 08/02/2013 22:22

Just tell her that your mum would not want other people having a copy of it.
And if she insists, say something like - you understand, you'd hate me to do something that you've specifically asked me not to.

seeker · 08/02/2013 22:26

Why not? Do you think that they will steal your soul?

Honestly,it's a bit of paper. Don't risk spoiling q relationship over this.

Original poster

chocolateygoo · 08/02/2013 22:31

seeker yes that's why I'm wondering if IBU. People will just throw the paper away (although in my nightmares I see copies posted to every lamppost within 2 miles of their house). If I want to protect the images I should probably be worrying about the digital copies not the paper ones

OP posts:

exoticfruits · 08/02/2013 22:32

Have you asked your mother? Is she generally precious? If so does she know that you put them on FB. If it is a problem why publish them anywhere?

OrangeLily · 08/02/2013 22:35

Could you just crop the photo to only show DS?

soundevenfruity · 08/02/2013 22:36

All MIL are evil. And whether they are printing photos of your baby or patting your cat they are inconsiderate at best and sinister at worst.

exoticfruits · 08/02/2013 22:39

Don't show her photos that you don't want her to print and then she won't know they exist.

seeker · 08/02/2013 22:40

Sometimes they even do the washing up. This is because they don't think their Dil do it properly. And they bring food when they visit- because they don't think their dips feed their families properly. Or they don't bring food- because they are bone idle and expect to be waited on hand and foot.

AndWhenYouGetThere · 08/02/2013 22:40

If you're sharing them with her on facebook, she could just download them and print them herself (without your knowledge/consent). As could any other facebook friend. You'll need to set your facebook privacy much more tightly if you really want to stop her doing this.

If you do restrict the photos, you can always print & give her specific "vetted" pictures directly - she'll feel special, and you'll be in control?

Original poster

chocolateygoo · 08/02/2013 22:41

exoticfruits Mum is just a very private person and also hates photos of herself - don't we all?! She doesn't use facebook but knows I share her photos on there (e.g. my gran is on there, plus other aunts & uncles who I don't see very often). I only share them with our family, DH's family and close friends (most of whom she knows). But I accept that any of them could print off the small facebook version though and share it, not sure why they would but you never know I guess.

I think I just need to take loads more intimate photos of MIL with the DC so she can print those ones off instead in the future and not want the ones of my DM!

OP posts:

CloudsAndTrees · 08/02/2013 22:42

I thought ou could change settings on FB so that you can choose who sees photos you post. I've never tried it, but I think the function is there somewhere. If so, block her form the pictures.

She just spend a fortune in printer ink!

Original poster

chocolateygoo · 08/02/2013 22:44

seeker how did you know?! AND even worse, MIL does the washing up but not properly so I have to do it again once they've left!

AndWhenYouGetThere we did this for her xmas present last year, should have done another one this year I guess! She always asks for the full-size digital version than the small facebook version as she finds it a faff to download them and they don't print very well at A4 size.... On a side note though what settings do you apply to stop anyone downloading them?

OP posts:

HollyBerryBush · 08/02/2013 22:44

As tight as you are with controls, please remember, when your MIL runs amok and is the subject of mass media interest, all her friends will indeed sell pictures of her "off of" (had to do that) facebook with her doing it gansta style, with a blade down her pants waiting to shank someone>

Anything you publish on the WWW is public domain - might not be public copyright - but its public

Morloth · 08/02/2013 22:44

If it is on facebook, it is not intimate.

PavlovtheCat · 08/02/2013 22:45

Yabu

Sirzy · 08/02/2013 22:45

So you will happily post photos on Facebook where anyone on your friends list can print them off and do as they please with them but you don't want you MIL to have a paper copy? I can't see your logic I am afraid!

HollyBerryBush · 08/02/2013 22:46

oh and if you send hard copies she can scan them too mwhahahaha so I suggest you dont do photos

HecateWhoopass · 08/02/2013 22:46

I agree with you. get her to cuddle your son and take a picture of the two of them? It's the pose she likes, yes? I'm sure she'd like it more if it was her cuddling him.

Flip

1 2 3