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AIBU?

MIL printing out photos of my DM with the DC

51 replies

chocolateygoo · 08/02/2013 22:05

Another MIL thread...... and quite a minor issue really compared to some of the others on here!

MIL loves having digital copies of my photos of my DC, as well as just seeing them on facebook. She likes to print them out in A4 and show them to all her friends and give them copies (and the checkout staff at local shop, oh yes, because she tells me what they say!!). Mostly I feel pleased that she loves her GC so much and a little bit sorry for the checkout staff who have to make polite comments about them!

In the past I have refused to give her certain ones which I don't like the 'wider public' to see, e.g. me in swimming costume at pool. She gets a bit funny about that, her argument was that if they were on facebook anyone could see them anyway and she could just log in to show her friends, that's not totally true as only my limited list of friends on facebook can see them and the photos on there are small not full A4 blown up of my saggy thighs!

Anyway she has asked for a recent pic which shows my mum snuggling up to DS and him giggling away, which she really wants to get printed out. Its a lovely pic but very intimate. I feel uncomfortable on mum's behalf giving it to DMIL to show around people so wholly unconnected to my mum. I know my mum would feel uncomfortable and I don't even want to ask her as she'd feel awkward to say no but would hate the idea of random strangers seeing it. Also DM isn't very close to DMIL. AIBU to refuse and have argument with DMIL, or to give it over with it cropped to remove mum from it, or am I just being a bit precious about it all?!

Anyone else feel ok sharing pics on facebook but odd having someone print them out to hand around?

OP posts:

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chocolateygoo · 08/02/2013 22:50

Sirzy I only share with a limited list, and AFAIK none of those have any interest in printing them off and handing copies out to checkout staff at their local shops!!

But even if they just put them a family photo album, isn't it a bit weird to have photos of the other set of grandparents with your grandchildren, especially when the families aren't close and only met once or twice?

But yes I take everyone's point about facebook not being private. I think I will give this one to MIL to avoid a silly argument, and just be really careful about what I share in the future.

OP posts:

Kickarsequeen · 08/02/2013 22:57

Chocolate, how would you feel if she showed the checkout staff a digital copy? Can't she use her phone to show the images rather than print them? I put lots of pics on face book and I know they aren't entirely safe, but I am ok with them being there. Wouldn't want dodgy blow ups of them floating about tho!

MikeOxardAndWellard · 08/02/2013 23:24

You seem really mean. Pics on fb are not intimate, and in any case your mil is family. I assume your mum has clothes on in the picture? Stop being so silly and let your mil show the lovely pic to her friends. They won't actually care anyway, and they won't be blowing up their own copies and pasting them to lamp posts! Maybe you need some counselling or a slap.

AngelAtTheTopOfTheTree · 09/02/2013 00:40

My Mum wouldn't want photos of her bandied around either OP. Nor would I be happy that she was showing photos of me in a bikini to checkout staff. My Mum is quite a private person so I wouldn't bow to your MIL's REPEATED requests. My Mum is not on FB - she thinks it is daft and I tend to agree with her. Your MIL sounds like a PITA. Why can people not just accept the answer of 'No' and a person's wishes? Really annoys me. That was a rhetorical questions btw.

LittleEdie · 09/02/2013 00:49

Say no.s

IneedAsockamnesty · 09/02/2013 01:17

I wouldn't like it either but I also hate anybody posting pics of my children on fb or anything like it.

MmeLindor · 09/02/2013 01:33

I'm going against the grain here to say YANBU.

She prints the photos in A4 and distributes them.

In A4

And hands out copies.

How many does she print, and what on earth makes her think that her friends will want an A4 portrait of her grandchild?

If she was printing some photos and showing to her friends, it wouldn't bother me. But giving then copies is weird.

bigfuckoffpie · 09/02/2013 04:45

I'm with MmeLindor. If it's a small list and you know everyone really well, presumably you can trust everyone else to smile, say "ahh", and that's it. MIL is either going to see fewer photos, which presumably will annoy her if she realises, or stop giving out copies. I'd just bump her off your photo distribution list.

I wouldn't go in heavy handed, but it might be worth you or your DH very gently joking with her about her photo distribution habit, so it starts to sink in that she must be boring the socks off her friends, aquintances and local checkout staff.

I don't think you can stop people downloading pics if they appear on their screen, but I might be wrong.

GailTheGoldfish · 09/02/2013 07:08

Get loads of unflattering photos of her with the DC, perhaps go swimming or get them to wake her up by yelling "surprise!" and snapping her with her rollers in. Then have them printed really big and display them in her local shops, stick them on lamp posts up her street etc. Tell her you know how proud she is of her relationship with them and that you agree with her that the world should see it

mrsbunnylove · 09/02/2013 07:11

she shouldn't be giving pictures of your family to anyone.
talk to her seriously over a cup of tea. tell her that although you love her and want to share with her, its an infringement of your right to a (private) family life if she then passes the photographs on. they're for 'us' not for 'them'.

AThingInYourLife · 09/02/2013 07:20

If your mum is such a private person and this is such an intimate photo, you were very unfair to publish it on Facebook.

Any of the people who saw it when you posted it could have printed it out and brought it to the supermarket.

If you want to give the message that these are private photos, stop putting them up online on what is a largely public forum.

Am I the only one who finds it charming that your MIL is bringing Facebook pics to the offline world? :)

AThingInYourLife · 09/02/2013 07:22

"its an infringement of your right to a (private) family life"

:o

Quick! Call the European Court of Human Rights!

AThingInYourLife · 09/02/2013 07:26

You also have the option of taking her off the list of people who can see the embarrassing, personal pictures you're publishing.

pumpkinsweetie · 09/02/2013 07:39

They already on FB, so in theory anyone could print them. All a person does is Save As a click print.

If everyone can see them on FB, i can't see the difference with it being printed and handed out.

If you don't want people to have hold of intimate photos, including mil, don't post them on FB, problem solved!!!

natwebb79 · 09/02/2013 07:41

Have to say this is another thread that has made me think I live on a different planet to most people. Is it really normal to insist on printing off A4 copies of personal photos and distributing them to random people? I wouldn't be happy. And if I did it I would expect somebody to tell me to stop it. I don't know anybody who feels the need to do that. Surely a "Please don't give them out to people" should be enough?!

exoticfruits · 09/02/2013 07:45

I can understand it if you have embarrassing and unflattering photographs, but I can't see why a picture that you particularly like is a problem. I would dislike people publishing photos of me on FB when I am not on there and don't get to see them or know who is seeing them. I put very few photos on FB because most of the people I take photos of are not on there. I never put them on without asking them first. MIL has at least asked- the simple solution is never to show her photos that you don't want her to have.
Personally I would get the 2 grandmothers around to the house at the same time so they come to know each other well. Mine see each other without me and it makes life much simpler.

seeker · 09/02/2013 07:48

I think it is mildly bonkers to force A4 prints of your grandchildren onto random strangers. But is is equally, if not more, bonkers to be massively bothered by it-particularly if they are pictures that you have already made public by putting them on Facebook!

Porkster · 09/02/2013 07:52

I bet the checkout staff say, 'here comes the mad photo woman..'

MrsHoarder · 09/02/2013 08:01

Yabu. Ok its a bit bonkers for her to wave around photos of you all in a4, but photos you put on Facebook should be considered to be eternally infinitely shareable attached to your name and professional reputation and worse that of your children.

So if its at all intimate or private, get it off Facebook. Pay for proper private webspace or email the photos instead. Or even better don't distribute them at all.

exoticfruits · 09/02/2013 08:08

Agree with MrsHoarder. I bet the random people pay very little attention anyway. My reaction would be to say 'lovely' and instantly forgotten.

Footface · 09/02/2013 08:14

Is she unapproachable, Why can't you just ask her not to print out this photo.

diddl · 09/02/2013 08:26

I think that YANBU.

It might be illogical since they are on FB.

But I also agree with MmeLindor

Printing off copies to give to randoms-weird!

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seeker · 09/02/2013 08:27

Wierd- but completely harmless and it gives her pleasure.

MmeLindor · 09/02/2013 19:53

It is completely different to FB.

If someone looks at my FB pic, they either know me or know the people I have given access to (not many folk cause I have it heavily locked down).

The chance of one of them deciding that they wanted to download and print a pic is vv low. And I would find it extremely odd if anyone did this. Not that I am not aware that they could but why would anyone other than the person actually ON the photo want a printout?

yy to 'here comes the mad photo lady' and to taking photos of her in unflattering poses and putting them on lamp posts around town.

MrsHoarder · 09/02/2013 19:57

Mme L or Facebook has changed its privacy settings again. And its trivial to get photos off Facebook, plenty of the ones on our digital display were taken by friends at group events and lifted off Facebook.

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