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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to find this rude ?(MIL related!)

36 replies

vivaone · 08/02/2013 18:25

I have been buying my MIL birthday and xmas presents for years! Today a few weeks before her birthday I receive an email saying 'my birthday list is attached, I would be grateful if you could please buy from this list as these are things that I really want...'
Am I being unreasonable to find this rude and offensive? It was an out of the blue email, I hadnt asked if there was anything she wanted for her birthday. I find it strange that an adult would sent a birthday list to someone who didn't ask for it, and also feel offended that shes basically saying dont buy me the usual crap that you do..... Have I taken offence where I shouldn't? Would appreciate your thoughts....

OP posts:

DSM · 08/02/2013 18:27

Ha! What a bitch.

I'd be tempted to do that to my MIL, most of the gifts we get are a bit crap.

I'd respond with a 'thanks for the suggestions but we can't afford to do presents this year'.

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 08/02/2013 18:27

Just email her back and say "what on earth made you think I buy your gifts? I can pass your message on to your son if you like?" and then tell your DH it's his turn to sort out his mother's birthday gift/card this time.

purrpurr · 08/02/2013 18:29

Isn't this a little bit like an Amazon wish list? So not personal? Maybe this year she's decided to make a note of things she'd like? Every now and again a friend of mine does this, then other years she's not fussed so I get to dust off my initiative :)

Was the email only sent to you?

Cailinsalach · 08/02/2013 18:29

I think its a bit rude. However I wouldnt let it bother me too much. Maybe in future you could just get a voucher?
I enjoy choosing presents and buying from a list seems too much of a chore.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 08/02/2013 18:30

She was extremely rude.

Pandemoniaa · 08/02/2013 18:31

I suppose it depends on family custom and practice really. We are a family that share present ideas because it seems a lot more sensible to get what someone really wants rather than speculate and get it wrong. However, anyone sending a list with instructions rather than ideas would be considered bloody rude.

If your MIL has never given you ideas for presents it seems a little odd to start now, out of the blue although I wouldn't take offence at the list. It's the wording accompanying it that seems rather unnecessary. So YANBU in being surprised but I wouldn't necessarily take offence.

Floggingmolly · 08/02/2013 18:32

Very rude.

Stinkyminkymoo · 08/02/2013 18:33

God, my SIL does this and I hate it. I always go off list to annoy her but know I'm cutting off my nose to spite my face as she hates anything I buy her anyway.

Ignore it, I think it's spoilt bratty behaviour.

NopeStillNothing · 08/02/2013 18:36

You should figure out the closest exact opposite to each present and get that. Or something irritatingly similar but clearly not what she asked for

OrangeLily · 08/02/2013 18:37

We do this but not so bluntly. It's all done by 'suggestions' from the person's spouse but we all know its actually a list everyone's happy!!!

OrangeLily · 08/02/2013 18:37

We do this but not so bluntly. It's all done by 'suggestions' from the person's spouse but we all know its actually a list everyone's happy!!!

ratspeaker · 08/02/2013 18:38

forward to your DH
under this "what your DM wants"

then reply to her saying you have forwarded said email to her son

Yfronts · 08/02/2013 18:44

I think if she had mad the request a few moths ago it wouldn't quite as bad (although still a little demanding) but you all ready have a gift for her. Maybe email back and say 'I've already got your gift but will bear it in mind for next year thanks

mynewpassion · 08/02/2013 18:47

Not rude at all. Would have appreciated because it takes the thinking out and saves time. I can just order it or just pick it up. Love gifts list.

manicbmc · 08/02/2013 18:48

We do lists but not in a grabby way. Just with my brothers and sils tbh. I always get something off the list (then tell the oh of whoever it is I've bought for so they don't end up with double) and then get a little something extra that isn't on the list.

It's not set in stone though and isn't foisted upon anyone.

Hissy · 08/02/2013 18:48

Yup, delegate it to H, with a miserly budget.

That'll learn her! ;)

Fairylea · 08/02/2013 18:49

I'd reply saying you've already brought her a present and it wasn't on the list.

Aw. Shame.

LaurieFairyCake · 08/02/2013 18:54

We do this, part of our family culture as we hate waste.

Original poster

vivaone · 08/02/2013 18:54

Exactly what I did Fairylea! I said sorry got something already, hope you like it anyway...
i dont have a problem with 'wish' lists at all, but I have a problem with it being forced upon someone, if you ask for ideas great, but to expect a present and force a list upon someone in my opinion is rude...
thanks for the replies, glad im not the only one who feels this way!

OP posts:

frustratedashell · 08/02/2013 19:25

Im kinda sitting on the fence on this one. She was a bit rude, but its nice to get what you really want. Maybe she could have worded it better. eg " its my birthday soon, I know it must be difficult sometimes to think of what to get me, heres a few suggestions........"
I think youre being a little over sensitive .

slambang · 08/02/2013 19:33

Had she sent it to others a la round robin or just you?

BOF · 08/02/2013 19:36

I think it's very rude, yes.

DeWe · 08/02/2013 19:41

We got one one year from bil's wife who'd made a list of things that were 2-3 times more expensive than the maximum we'd afford. (and definitely at least that much more than they'd pay). Not just suggestions there were instructions which shop and item numbers. We'd never asked them what they'd wanted.

That was the year they got fluffy dice and a car cleaning set. Not from the list

PMTIsMe · 08/02/2013 19:51

Don't see why it's rude. We all do wish lists in our family since everyone hates getting random tat! Its useful guidance, no?

Tho if everything on it was hideously expensive, then they would just get the tat!

Floggingmolly · 08/02/2013 20:02

It's rude because it wasn't actually requested, PMT

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