to be surprised just how hard life is for some children/families?

[SchoolNameChanger]

When my Dc were small I was working f-t and not really involved in their school life. Now I'm working p-t in their school.

I has come as a huge shock to me just how difficult life is for lots of families. From my financially comfortable, stable family life I just had no idea.

The child who is completely uncontrollable is actually a victim of child abuse and now living with foster carers.

The mother who doesn't manage to dress for the school run spent the night with severely disabled child and alcoholic father.

The boy who is regularly violent to others learnt that behaviour from his mother's boyfriend/grandfather/older brother.

The poor attendance is because the child has to get himself up and out while mum sleeps off her hangover.

Or because he's caring for seriously ill parents in another way.

Being asked for £10 for a school trip is make or break for lots of families.

Obviously I knew there were some people with really difficult circumstances, but I have been surprised at the sheer number of them. Also the way that "poor parenting" always has a reason behind it. The vast majority of parents do care and are doing their best, some have unbelievable things to deal with and/or no experience of what good parenting is.

Also most of the "difficult" children have experienced things that "normal" children could never imagine. We sometimes see people here talk about others' bad behaviour, but there is almost always an understandable reason for it, if only we knew (which we never will)

Well how nice that you enjoy taking the piss sockreturningpixie.

I didnt mean that married, I just meant that I recall from your previous posts that you do a great deal both in time and money,things that most people wouldn't be bothered to do either with time or money.

I recall it because I admire it.

So when someone's asking you that question in an attempt to put you down because they are making assumptions, its funny ( well to me but I am rather odd)

OK - thanks sock

I don't work front-line. But neither do I have to work in supporting services in the public sector and even if I say it myself I am bloody good at what I do and could do it elsewhere for far more; but I chose not to. I also have good relationships with the front line staff and do my very best to support them and fight their corner where necessary. That isn't the case for many front-line staff in many similar organisations.

your posts,the tell em as it is read riot act,you clearly do not understand
fair enough it's not your job to really know how it goes,you suggested you did
you're not immersed in public sector professionally or bound by statutory duties and conflicting demands

Havent a clue what is going on here now

Oh, I think I am Scottish.

sm, does any of that matter? married and her dh probably do as much as someone in the front line bound by all the rules there, just in a different way

arriving late, as usual. the school where i work has a team of mentors. part of their role is to offer parenting classes. to parents of our pupils.

married, you do good.

transient populations/families make it difficult to provide the support everyone needs. some families, if ss or even school, show an interest, immediately move on.

married, have you read any of those, what I call "white" books. The ones where children descibe how they grew up in poverty, abuse etc.
I read the first ones that hit the shelves, but not all the later ones.
Those books are quite an eye opener to some people, myself included.

They look at things through the childrens' eyes. And it helps to get a whole family situation into perspective.

My opinion is marrieds recommendations are not commonly held by public sector staff
she had stated she is public sector,I queried in what capacity,she clarified not frontline
perfectly legitimate to query,seeing married did bring up working public sector

I am frontline and agree with all the teaching staff on this thread.

It looks like it 's not just my area where Social Services are shockingly poor. Have we any SW's on here? Maybe they could explain why they don't appear to do anything until something really shit happens.

good grief I hope you're not recommending all that awful misery lit as good read
the sepia pictures and ghastly titles, I find it incomprehensible people read that stuff

I don't think more money is what is needed to solve this particular problem. If I had as little as £10 a week I would prioritise feeding my child above anything else. The problem is a mindset not a financial issue. I wouldn't describe my political leanings as conservative but I am in favour of benefit reform.

I was about to say the same Kim.

scottishmummy, Have you read any of it?
Like I said I used to read it when it first came out.
But then there were loads of them, and you could almost guess what was going to be in them. And I think, it was revealed that some writers were actually making it up or at the very least, embellishing or somewhat copying.

But yes, they do offer some insight imo.

Poverty doesn't stop people being good parents. I grew up in poverty myself and was loved and had everythingI needed. Neglect and abuse happen in all social classes. The girl who goes home to drug addicts is poor, yes, and SS don't care even though her attendance record at school is less than 60 %. They sat through the CAM where her parents turned up 30 minutes late and unable to participate because they were giggling constantly and then said 'nothing for us to get involved with'.

It is a very mixed intake where I work and I two of the children in my form considered 'vulnerable' have middle-class parents who just don't give a shit. One was left alone whilst the parents went on holiday (12 years-old) and another has a largely absent father and a mother who drinks (and turns up to parents evenings drunk and demanding).

porridge if nobody prioritised feeding you when you were a child why would you think that was a priority for your own child. The sad fact is that some people had no proper parenting themselves so have no idea how to do it. It seems the most obvious thing in the world when you have been brought up in family that puts their children first. But it's also the obvious thing the other way around.

amillionyears, keep away from those awful books, seriously

penelope - I appreciate that but again, have to say that therefore I do not think flinging more money at the problem will solve the problem. As has already been highlighted here middle class families can be abusive too, and there are many more ways to not meet a child's needs than not to feed them or keep them warm. In fact in some ways neglect is the easiest of the four key areas of abuse as it tends to be something a child is lacking that can be (relatively easily) provided - unfortunately it tends to come hand in hand with the other forms of abuse too.

ok ssd, best if I do I expect.

I was just about to say a million I have heard some are made up..

I flat shared with a social worker and our book shelf was miserable viewing I've read lots of them too.

Not sure which are supposed to me made up but that's sick isnt it.

Perhaps the earlier ones weren't, and some later ones were?
Fairly easy to make up I suppose.
I agree, that is sad.

What about the Torey ones?
I assume, hopefully correctly, that they are true?
Someone on MN last week or so was saying that the Torey books are popular reading for teenagers, which I thought was nice actually.