to be surprised just how hard life is for some children/families?

[SchoolNameChanger]

When my Dc were small I was working f-t and not really involved in their school life. Now I'm working p-t in their school.

I has come as a huge shock to me just how difficult life is for lots of families. From my financially comfortable, stable family life I just had no idea.

The child who is completely uncontrollable is actually a victim of child abuse and now living with foster carers.

The mother who doesn't manage to dress for the school run spent the night with severely disabled child and alcoholic father.

The boy who is regularly violent to others learnt that behaviour from his mother's boyfriend/grandfather/older brother.

The poor attendance is because the child has to get himself up and out while mum sleeps off her hangover.

Or because he's caring for seriously ill parents in another way.

Being asked for £10 for a school trip is make or break for lots of families.

Obviously I knew there were some people with really difficult circumstances, but I have been surprised at the sheer number of them. Also the way that "poor parenting" always has a reason behind it. The vast majority of parents do care and are doing their best, some have unbelievable things to deal with and/or no experience of what good parenting is.

Also most of the "difficult" children have experienced things that "normal" children could never imagine. We sometimes see people here talk about others' bad behaviour, but there is almost always an understandable reason for it, if only we knew (which we never will)

for some time now, that should read.

marriedinwhite because no-one cares.

Every weekend I say goodbye to a boy who goes home to the most horrific circumstances, well known by SS. One Monday he will not come back. Short of kidnapping him, what do I do?

Amber-you do realise, I hope ,that when a figure is quoted ie 40 cigarettes per day, that does not necessarily mean that exact amount is consumed each and every day ?

Nor that the cigarettes are being bought at legitimate outlets for recommended retail price.

Nor indeed that each cigarette actually come out of a pack.

It is a well honed skill making a new cigarette out of the nub ends of several old ones . Someone experienced in this will always pinch out their cigarette rather than crush or throw it away to ensure a good amount of tobacco left in each nub.

Yes a single persons JSA is £71 .00 per week paid fortnightly and sometimes the last few days before payday are grim indeed.

I also have worked in very deprived areas and realised then that that angry children were the ones who had been terribly damaged by adults. In most of the schools there are fantastic nuture group teams who give those children a lot of stability and consistent boundaries. The children love being in the nurture group but invariably funds are so tight that each child can only access it for short timetabled sessions. Then they go back to the classroom to create havoc again.

More of these are needed and for longer periods-all the way through to key stage 4 for some. But it always ,always comes down to money in the short term. :(

Diablo, not doubting your credentials. but based on what you initially posted, that didn't add up.

Also to KellyMarie
No if someone says 40 a day, I assume they mean 40 a day, or something very close to it.

I know all about 'butt rollies' yes, just have to respond to that sort of thing, its a thing at the moment isnt it? families on benefits shouldnt be given cash because it all goes on drink and drugs.

More feasible to suggest someone buys two large packs of tobacco [bootleg of course] that would be £10-15? cheap booze?

No one would be spending £71 per week on booze and fags alone.

Sorry that was a bit disjointed [I was on the phone!]

Sorry if you felt insulted Diablo.

I don't 'know' you as such on here and wrongly assumed you were coming at it from a different mindset than the one you actually are.

love the notion that read riot act,a strict ticking off will suffice.how v deluded
if you manage in education you'll know staff cant just read riot act to solve an enduring issue
takes time for problems to build takes time and intervention to resolve problems too

marriedinwhite
I came to the conclusion several years ago, that there are no weher near enough police, social services personel, prison places etc.

So the Government, or the system, or call it what you want, therefore, in reality, just tries and deals with the worst cases.

The rest of it is effectively just left.
And that definitely includes child neglect.

Happy for someone to come on and tell me I have got that wrong.

Because nobody cares. Because nobody tries. Because some people have never been told and never been shown. Because society has to start somewhere and do something more proactive than complain. Because the children are worth it. Because it might make one child's life better - because it might make a difference.

Failing that, campaign as hard for increased taxation ringfenced for these children as the teaching unions have campaigned for pensions; the non introduction of performance related pay, etc..

I grew up in the 60s and 70s. I also grew up in a very deprived part of the South - the Isle of Thanet. Some girls came from a dreadful estate, some girls were farm hands daughters in tied cottages, some girls grew up with bigotry. Looking back I can begin to imagine which girls were probably abused and/or knocked about a bit, or hungry or not treated very well emotionally - one girl had to leave school at 16 (and she got 8 A grade O'Levels) to bring in cash - and because she was only a girl. Some of those girls had dreadful lives in all likelihood. None of them misbehaved, nobody did in fact or at least not to any great extent or to a dangerous extent, because all of the them knew what the school's expectations were and knew that they could and would be expelled.

My position in relation to boundaries and consequences remains.

I will add, I also had an incredible headmistress who had been a misssionary in China. I am aware now that on occasion she stepped in for the welfare and wellbeing of her girls way above and beyond what would usually be expected.

I was a volunteer with fostered children, [as well as being a foster mum] for 6 years.
People do try, and people do do stuff.

But it will never be enough to reach everyone.

And there are charities galore.

oh dear you do trade in tired clichés.no one care,fault of liberalism,read riot act
despite an overwhelming demand upon public services,people do care,staff care
yes it could be better,but in uk we have services free at point of use, other countries haven such equivalent services

I agree with Goodtalkingtoo. My DC come from difficult circumstances, I am disabled and DH is Armed Forces so often away, but because they are well turned out and their homework is done on time, usually, no consideration is given to them.

Of course, there are some DC who need extra consideration than others, but it is not exclusive to those in poverty or those who are badly behaved.

married you say no one cares.

and yet on here we have testimonies of lots of people who do care and who are making a difference, no matter how small, in their daily lives.

I volunteer for Homestart and for a Mental Health Charity. My role is to provide support and friendship. I try my hardest not to judge. It's not much. I wish I could do more.

What do you do?

What do I do?

We sponsor three instruments and instrumental teaching at the dcs old state primary school for families who cannot afford it.

I work in the public sector, in a very deprived area, for £20-£30k less than I could command in the private sector to put something back.

DH takes young people off an inner London estate to a premier league football match once a month and sponsors their football training with the same club. He also does a monthly two hour pro-bono sesssion on the same estate every other month.

I also cook 30 meals once a month for a homeless charity.

I think it's fine everyone doing incremental things but what is needed is a sustained campaign to increase tax by one penny in the pound, ringfenced for children who really suffer to ensure they receive the specialist help they need.

are you frontline married?do you know that people care,if so why such tired cliches
I'm struggling to imagine you in public sector with your pov,ESP the read riot act

marriedinwhite, what you and your DH are doing is great.

But, from the Gov pov, when say some money is say saved from a, the money is not then extra spent on b iyswim.

I often see people say, well if we tax motorists more, then more can be spent on potholes.
But the Government never works its spending like that. Or not that I have ever seen.

Also, a lot of so called "problem families" will be the last ones to want or accept "help".

I do admire your thinking though.
And to be fair, some ideas a bit like this do end up getting off the ground.

Was that meant as an insult Kim147? I don't work in the front line but I support those who do.

Gosh- just read through this entire thread. It's truly heartbreaking. Having been privately educated with a sheltered upbringing I was naive in seeing how some families live. I have worked in nurseries where many of the children are referred by SW and the experiences the children have had in their few years of existence are truly awful. Sometimes you just want to take then home and show them what normality is.

I do find it interesting that the left wing feels it's OK to be offensive towards "die-hard" tories. Interesting that the same level of offence doesn't seem to be delivered the other way.

are you frontline married?what role (be general not seeking exact)are you practitioner

Married

As much as I disagree with many of your view points regarding lots of things, I do love it and have a little private giggle when someone who is unfamiliar with your posting asks in a sarkie way what you do for those less fortunate.

I know it shouldn't but it amuses me,often for ages.

I see your not frontline, it shows. you support frontline?
if your one of the it/hr/corporate I can assure you it's not the same.it's not actual professionally orientated frontline knowledge or training
yes the it/hr/corporate staff support but it is not akin to frontline.v differnt ethos and professional training