To take DS to a party myself rather than let them mum of a friend take them (she was going to charge my son....)

[conkercon]

DS1 has been talking about a party for a couple of weeks. It is about 20 minute drive from where we live and he is staying overnight.

He is really good about not expecting lifts and when I do give lifts which is relatively regularly if I am able he is always thankful, but does organise himself where possible

He asked me the other night if I could pick him up the day after as I was working from home and the mum of a college friend was going to take him and a couple of others as well as her own DD.

I said that it was no problem and of course I would also give the friend a lift back as her mum was taking and anyone else who needed dropping off on the way.

I changed my mind when I discovered that this friend's mum was charging my DS £5, plus the other 2 £5 each as well to pay for petrol to go somehwere she was taking her own DD to anyway. £15 to travel about 10 miles with her own daughter going regardless!! At first I thought it was a joke but it wasn't.

Out of princple I said no way was he taking this "lift" and either me or his dad would sort out something out. I also offered to take anyone else that needed a lift. I ended up taking one of the girls who was supposed to pay £5 and the other girl dropped out as well so no money ended up being exchanged.

I am also glad I did this because I subsequently discovered from DS1 that actually this mum was going to take 5 kids in the car so would have had £20. DS did not want to tell me this because he knows how anti squashing people in the car I am and I most certainly would not have let him do that. Had a discussion about that and warned him he was never to do this and why.

Is it me? In all the years I have been giving lifts to kids, football, drama, swimming, dance etc etc it has never even entered my mind to charge. I have done quite a few trips of over an hour there and an hour back with 4 boys to a theme park. I have done usual dropping and collecting from parties. There are other parents who also share but a few of the regulars parents never offer and always rely on others. While I somtimes feel a but grrrr about this it isn't the kids fault and I am going there anyway. Plus all boys and girls are lovely, well mannered and polite.

I can understand offering petrol money for say a regular car share etc, but surely it is unreasonable for this mum to have tried to charge the kids?

YANBU

What a total cheek!

She is risking prosecution if caught. She would be driving without insurance.

I explored this issue with my insurance company re childminding and I was told very clearly that if you ask anyone for money for taking them in your car, even if it only contributes to fuel costs you invalidate your insurance. I therefore cannot charge parents for using my car to transport their children.

If someone offers fuel money and you don't express an opinion on the amount they are giving you that is apparently fine.

YANBU. Cheek of the woman! But don't worry OP, soon your DS or one of his mates will have passed their driving test and the days of mum lifts will be over! then there will be a whole different list of things to worry you!

YANBU but this brought back memories. When I was a student, I had to go to a different campus for 6 weeks and my friend's mum gave us both a lift. Before the first lift, my friend said her mum might need petrol money but then didn't mention it again.
The last week was just before Christmas and I bought her mum vouchers as a present to say thank you. However, before I could give them to her, she told me how much I owed her for petrol money. It was over £100! I was so shocked .
I gave her the money and told my mum she was getting the vouchers for Christmas because I couldn't afford to pay the other mum's petrol and get my mum a Christmas present! It struck me as really odd at the time but my friend and her mum acted as though it was normal.

How horrid FeistyLass. I just cannot believe that someone (an adult parent) would do that if she was going there anyway with her own child. That is just mean.

When I was bitching discussing it with DS I mentioned insurance and told him that I was fairly sure it was illegal. My husband was once a mini cab driver and what a palaver that was what with insurance and CRB checks and registration.

I do think I prefer mums lifts to the thought of DS driving :)

I just don't get the mindset of attempting to make money out of something you're doing anyway.

It's so exploitative. I presume her dd was going regardless, FeistyLass?

What a nutter. Thanks but no thanks is the only possible response.

Yes, her dd was going too! That's why it struck me as odd.
My dad would never have asked my friends to pay for a lift.
I was studying away from home which was why I couldn't get a lift from family. Up till that point, my friend's mum had seemed pretty normal. I'd been over for dinner, etc . . .oops, maybe she added my food bill to the petrol bill
I was so mortified when she asked for the money because it did take me by surprise and even though I'd offered petrol money to people before when they'd given me a lift, I'd never, ever had anyone tell me how much I should give them.

How mean!