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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To take DS to a party myself rather than let them mum of a friend take them (she was going to charge my son....)

35 replies

conkercon · 08/02/2013 14:24

DS1 has been talking about a party for a couple of weeks. It is about 20 minute drive from where we live and he is staying overnight.

He is really good about not expecting lifts and when I do give lifts which is relatively regularly if I am able he is always thankful, but does organise himself where possible

He asked me the other night if I could pick him up the day after as I was working from home and the mum of a college friend was going to take him and a couple of others as well as her own DD.

I said that it was no problem and of course I would also give the friend a lift back as her mum was taking and anyone else who needed dropping off on the way.

I changed my mind when I discovered that this friend's mum was charging my DS £5, plus the other 2 £5 each as well to pay for petrol to go somehwere she was taking her own DD to anyway. £15 to travel about 10 miles with her own daughter going regardless!! At first I thought it was a joke but it wasn't.

Out of princple I said no way was he taking this "lift" and either me or his dad would sort out something out. I also offered to take anyone else that needed a lift. I ended up taking one of the girls who was supposed to pay £5 and the other girl dropped out as well so no money ended up being exchanged.

I am also glad I did this because I subsequently discovered from DS1 that actually this mum was going to take 5 kids in the car so would have had £20. DS did not want to tell me this because he knows how anti squashing people in the car I am and I most certainly would not have let him do that. Had a discussion about that and warned him he was never to do this and why.

Is it me? In all the years I have been giving lifts to kids, football, drama, swimming, dance etc etc it has never even entered my mind to charge. I have done quite a few trips of over an hour there and an hour back with 4 boys to a theme park. I have done usual dropping and collecting from parties. There are other parents who also share but a few of the regulars parents never offer and always rely on others. While I somtimes feel a but grrrr about this it isn't the kids fault and I am going there anyway. Plus all boys and girls are lovely, well mannered and polite.

I can understand offering petrol money for say a regular car share etc, but surely it is unreasonable for this mum to have tried to charge the kids?

OP posts:

sooperdooper · 08/02/2013 14:27

YANBU, especially if she was doing to trip anyway it's not fair to make a profit from dropping kids off somewhere!!

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 08/02/2013 14:28

You don't offer and then charge!!! Sure it's lovely if people offer to chip in cover petrol but surely u don't expect it of have the nerve to tell children they have to pay?

Very odd and a not rude tbh

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 08/02/2013 14:28

A bit rude

Sorry for typo

BonaDea · 08/02/2013 14:28

YANBU.

This is an absolute joke of the other mum. She is actually going to be making a massive profit!! What a complete joke, and good on you for offering to take the others for free, too. She should either do these things and not begrudge it, or simply not offer. The cheek of the woman!!

SkinnybitchWannabe · 08/02/2013 14:29

YANBU.
I would never ever charge kids to take them somewhere I was already going!

MammaTJ · 08/02/2013 14:30

YANBU!!

littleducks · 08/02/2013 14:30

Are you sure she offered? It sounds like she didn't want to give them a lift.

Sadandslovenly · 08/02/2013 14:31

I bet she's well pissed off with you now!! Bt no, good on ya, as IF you charge kids for lifts. Outrageous.

Kendodd · 08/02/2013 14:33

Har har har! What a cheek! I wish I had her nerve!

BTW, does she have a taxi licence, if not, would she be breaching her insurance policy?

bowerbird · 08/02/2013 14:34

YANBU. That's unbelievable!

Faxthatpam · 08/02/2013 14:35

I have never heard of anything like this before!? In all my years of lift sharing with my 4 DSs. It is extraordinary behaviour and you absolutely did the right thing. I hope she is thoroughly embarrassed, sadly I expect she won't be though.

Hullygully · 08/02/2013 14:37

goodness me

mind you I know one meany mum who took her dd and mine shopping recently and asked my dd for money for parking! Poor dd was only 13 and mortified, and didn't have any money. She also makes them pay for their own pizza when they order it at her house.

I would never ever etc. And regularly give her dd lifts, have her for diiner, overnights, even took her away.

Some people ar just staggeribgly mean.

NorbertDentressangle · 08/02/2013 14:39

YANBU

(unless you are drip-feeding and will tell us in a minute that shes a taxi driver and this is one of her bookings!?)

HotPinkWeaselWearingLederhosen · 08/02/2013 14:44

The only way I could comprehend he doing this is if she was actually charging her dd, perhaps as she was sick of being a taxi.

Even then it's a stretch.

For that much between them they could've just got a taxi

Original poster

conkercon · 08/02/2013 16:25

Thanks for all your responses. Glad I am not being unreasonable. Thought maybe things change once they go to college as I am used to the primary and secondary school kids.

littleducks she definitely offered. DS1 received text from daughter the day before in the morning to say make sure he remembered the money and text that evening along the same lines. He did not respond as I had told him to wait until the next day but she rang him that night. Girl that I took also confirmed she did the same to her.

Norbert I am not drip feeding lol. I even said to DS that unless she was a licensed taxi with the relevant insurance she should not be charging anyway.

If I am sick of being treated like a taxi I just don't offer end of conversation but I will be fair it is the younger one who would try and get away with that. DS1 is very good.

I am no matyr as other mums have helped me out in the past but I do my fair share, probably more than my fair share when it comes to certain friends of my boys, but I don't mind because like I have said if I am going anyway then it is no skin off my nose. If I am not going then I don't offer.

Thankfully I probably won't ever see this mum as college is a whole different ball game from school. All new people and I don't know any of them. She might not be impressed that I cost her half a tank of petrol :)

OP posts:

pigletmania · 08/02/2013 16:26

YANBU what a tight wad

MrsMangelfanciedPaulRobinson · 08/02/2013 16:52

YANBU!

She sounds like someone I know; tight as a duck's arse. Said person has been known to fall out with a friend over the princely sum of 17p, and charges people petrol money whenever she gives them a lift.

andubelievedthat · 08/02/2013 16:55

That person grossed me out ! charged the kids?>charged the kids?............FFS!!!

quoteunquote · 08/02/2013 16:57

she would be in trouble if she got caught,

fair enough if she was totally hard up asking them to cover fuel costs, but making a profit is totally unreasonable.

ohfunnyhoneyface · 08/02/2013 17:05

Making a profit AND putting too many kids in a car.

What a dick.

Original poster

conkercon · 08/02/2013 17:19

I did wonder if maybe she is hard up, but she still had to take her own daughter so would have to pay for petrol at any rate. If I could not afford to put petrol in my car to take DS somewhere than I would not think, oh but if I take a couple of his friends and charge them I can put petrol in it. I would just not offer to take anyone and DS would have to take public transport somehow.

And while I cannot be certain the information that I have got from DS is that the family do not seem to be hard hard up (and she managed to put petrol in car and take her DD to party without any kids subsidising the cost).

OP posts:

stormforce10 · 08/02/2013 17:33

So the dd texted and phoned to chase up the money?

Sounds to me like someone was trying to supplement her pocket money and the whole situation may come as a bit of a shock to her mum if she knew about it.

Just a thought I may be completely off track

stormforce10 · 08/02/2013 17:35

Hullygully that's sad :( I can't imagine doing that to my children's friends

Original poster

conkercon · 08/02/2013 17:52

stormforce I did wonder that, but DS is pretty adament that isn't the case. It also seemed to be the daughter maybe panicing a bit possibly under pressure from her mum, I don't know.

Also if kids getting into my car were giving my son money I would be asking what it is for. And as soon as I heard DS would be getting out of the car and I would give the rest of the kids a lift to where ever :)

HullyGully so horrible for your daughter. So mean of the mum! I would never ever do that. Poor child.

My son told me about one of his friends who is 17. Her parents have a takeaway every Friday and make him pay for his own. IMO that is bloody horrible. Whenever I visit my mum we always have a takeaway and I have given up trying to pay. If I do manage to pay I find £20 slipped into my coat pocket when I get home. Providing I have the means I will be the same with my kids.

Maybe the mum has never experienced any kindness done to her and her DD. I have experienced lots of kindness from friends and aquintances and therefore like to pass it on. And my DSs friends are exceptionally polite to the point I have to tell them to stop saying thank you constantly. Once or twice is enough.

OP posts:

Floggingmolly · 08/02/2013 18:55

Trying to make money out of your kid's friends, God, you can't get much lower than that

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