Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not to go on DSis's hen do?

31 replies

vicky228 · 07/02/2013 22:30

DSis is considering going to Croatia for her hen do - plan would be for three full days there (over a bank holiday), obviously plus the travel on the days either side. I love DSis to bits and I do want to help her celebrate her upcoming marriage but... I really don't want to go away for that long!

I have three children, the youngest of whom is not yet one, and DH works quite long hours and has limited holidays so tbh I'd rather spend the time with them. DH has said he's happy to look after the kids while I'm away and that I shouldn't worry about the cost (will be an expensive trip but we can afford it) and I'm on maternity leave at the moment so holiday time isn't an issue. It's just a priority thing that weekends together are precious enough, let alone best part of 5 days.

DSis doesn't have children and afaik nor do any of her friends (although I don't know them so I could be wrong). I'm sure she would be very understanding if I said I couldn't go, but I don't want to disappoint her. Am I being selfish and overly precious about family time here?

OP posts:
CloudsAndTrees · 07/02/2013 22:34

YANBU.

You don't want to go, she wouldn't mind if you don't go, there is no need or you to create an issue where there isn't one. Just don't go, and support your sister and celebrate her marriage in other ways.

WipsGlitter · 07/02/2013 22:37

YABU. Just go. She's your sister.. Hopefully it's a one off (!!) you'll have lots of weekends.

AnyFucker · 07/02/2013 22:40

You are going to get very mixed responses, I think

For me, it would depend on what was planned on the hen

Tacky shit...not for me

A few days sipping drinks by a pool, interspersed with a bit of sightseeing and lots of relaxing...count me in

Your DH and kids will be fine

girlsyearapart · 07/02/2013 22:43

When I got married my sister had two dc and I didn't have any. Her youngest was a baby still being breast fed and she expressed like a demon so she could come away for the weekend with me.

I was so glad she made such an effort to come it wouldn't have been the same without her but I would've understood if she had said no.

rainrainandmorerain · 07/02/2013 23:42

yanbu, but I'm one of those people that thinks going to a foreign country over a Bank Holiday for hen do is a bit of a big ask for people anyway.

Why not see if there is anything else you could do with her closer to home to make up for not going? A treat for her that would be more doable for you....

jennywren123 · 07/02/2013 23:46

YANBU, but if you really don't want to go, how about spending the money you have saved on an overnight Spa break for you and your sister to enjoy together?

babiesinslingsgetcoveredinfood · 08/02/2013 11:04

YANBU ffs what is it with people these days!

Pigsmummy · 08/02/2013 11:16

My Dsis didn't come on my hen and I didn't mind, she has 3 children so I wouldn't expect her to, we did have a nice Spa day though. Through one of those discount codes sites.

penelopepissstop · 08/02/2013 11:43

YANBU.
I'm sure she's going to half expect you to feel as you do given your children and DH's work.

withjamin · 08/02/2013 12:56

Yanbu, but it might be fun!

Mawgatron · 08/02/2013 18:30

I went to a four day festival for my hen, invited loads of people but was totally understanding if people couldn't come (it was £180 and for a long time). Don't stress!

LadyBeagleEyes · 08/02/2013 18:35

I'd go.
You can afford it, your DH is encouraging you, and it's a one off. You and your family will have plenty weekends in the future.
Though also what AnyFucker said, what are the plans?

HeadfirstForHalos · 08/02/2013 18:38

I'd go and enjoy the break (assuming it's not "tacky shit" :))

YesIamYourSisterInLaw · 08/02/2013 19:28

I think it depends on you really. I'd break my back to go to something for a person that means a lot to me. One of my very close Friends is having a hen do this year and it's a 4 day thing abroad, I can't really afford it but I'm cutting back on everything so I can go.
I think the bottom line is that you don't want to, which is fine but don't be offended when people maybe don't make an effort with things for you.

stickingattwo · 08/02/2013 19:38

YABU. GO! Are you insane? Time to yourself, with your sis, Dh is happy with it, he'll have loads of time with kids, money not an issue. Instead of looking at the downside think of the fun you could have - and you can just opt out of any part of the hen do you don't like. Imagine all the sleep... sigh...

elliejjtiny · 08/02/2013 19:54

YANBU. I wouldn't go to a hen night that was that long and expensive (thankfully I wasn't invited to my sisters hen night so I didn't have that problem)

Floggingmolly · 08/02/2013 19:55

When did Hen do's become mini holidays (frequently costing as much as the family summer break)? What happened to the getting pissed and dancing round your handbag that served us so well for the last 50 years?

50pcoff · 08/02/2013 19:57

If you're not that bothered with your relationship with your sister then don't go, I, guessing you're not that close, otherwise she would have considered you when choosing where to go.

If you are close and you really feel you can't go then explain to her your reasons and she should understand, or go and have a lovely time, your dp will be fine with the kids I'm sure.

TripTheLightFanjotastic · 08/02/2013 20:14

YABU, she's your sister, as family, not friends, you should go. Unfortunately, she is BU with her choice of hen do.

babiesinslingsgetcoveredinfood · 08/02/2013 20:36

trip no-one should be EXPECTED to go on a trip this expensive.

ChaoticisasChaoticdoes · 08/02/2013 20:51

YANBU Is there any chance you could do something else with her instead? Meal out/theatre trip/overnight stay in a hotel?

TripTheLightFanjotastic · 08/02/2013 21:12

True, but as OP said she can afford it she should go. If she couldn't afford it, the question would be automatically answered for her.

larks35 · 08/02/2013 21:16

If I were you I would go. She's your Dsis, this'll probably be the last time you have together as just sisters. I can remember very clearly the last time I had with my sisters without husbands, partners and children and we had a lovely weekend in Paris, it's a trip I'll rememeber forever!. It's only one weekend and your DH is happy for you to go, just do it. I think it'll be a shame if you don't.

ll31 · 08/02/2013 21:16

you can afford it.your dh will be looking adter children - its ur sister I'd go

Numberlock · 08/02/2013 21:17

Go! The best weekends are the ones you're reluctant to go on. And Croatia is beautiful.