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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to be upset by this?

101 replies

PinkPanties · 07/02/2013 21:58

I was out with my dh today, we were on our way to the shopping precinct, when i broached a conversation about holidays, and that "i would like to experience the world", he took this as a meaning to talk about threesomesShock, when i said don't be silly, he got really moody about the fact that i didn't mean sexual experience. Kept nagging that "experiencing the world" means experiences sexuallyHmm. I told him there will be no threesome ever, as i couldn't handle seeing him have sex with another woman. He told me i'm "closed off" sexuallyShockHmm, all because of this conversation!

I'm by no means "closed off" at all, i have even had an experience with another woman in my late teens and have tried many things with my dh, such as bondage, foods, all fresco sex, all sorts really so i'm quite pissed of he has said this to me and took my words as an excuse to bring up having a threesome (this isn't the first time he has bought it upConfused)

I said if he wants a threesome with me & a woman then the only way i would agree to it would be for it to be a foursome with a man for my needs too, i said this to shock him. Well it did he got very angry and said i'm being unfair & selfishHmm

Anyway we get to the precinct and enter a clothing store, in here he starts ranting on about me being "closed off" again, and that i don't partake in watching porn with himShock, i don't want to it makes me envious that he looks at the glamorous women on it and it isn't for me! Then he went on about how i hardly let him relieve himself on my breastsShock
Bare in mind this was in a store full of people, i felt very embarrased, especially as i was pushing my 2yo dd in her pram too!

Not only did he make me feel like shit by doing all that, he then pointed out some high heeled sneakers and said i should buy them as i'd look good in them. When i said they are not my thing, he started ranting how i don't wear nice shoes.

Got home more ranting about how he wants to use our flat screen tv to play xbox, although he has his own tv in the corner. I said yes after my soaps, and he said i control the tv Shock

All this shit for a man who was a virgin when i met him, still is to my knowledge, who hasn't bathed for 4 days, shaved and wears trackie bottoms & hoodies 24/7.

So pissed off, its unbelievable, and to top it off when i told him how i feel he just shrugged his shoulders and said "i aint done nuthin"
Yesterday i wanted to treat myself so we went out, i gave him £30 towards a new xbox game and said i'd be getting something nice with my cash.
He asked to borrow another £30 off me so i said yes thinking he was going to give it back.
He didn't he bought me sexy underwear with the whole lot, which left me with no money.
So he got games and got a sexy woman dressed upConfused

Sorry that was long!
Aibu to be upset, its all about him?

OP posts:
HecateWhoopass · 08/02/2013 07:29

The fact that you can't see what a mess it truly is, is preventing you from doing what needs to be done.

I can't believe he could talk to you like that in public! Well, at all - but going round a shop, ranting about porn. That made me shudder.

Where he goes is not your problem. You know that, don't you?

i admit it, when I read your OP, I didn't believe it. It is so revolting that I didn't want to believe it.

He is happy to talk like this in front of your two year old daughter. What kind of impact do you think it's going to have on her? When she's 3, 4, 5 and hearing this sort of talk from her principal male role model? Her template for relationships?

Your description of him is of a person who is truly revolting in every way.

Sugarice · 08/02/2013 07:35

Pink you know he's a twat and he is making your life hell plus he must be smelling like hell on earth!

Is this going to get any better?

landofsoapandglory · 08/02/2013 07:38

I never say this, but LTB!

ZillionChocolate · 08/02/2013 07:39

Grin Composhat

His behaviour is terrible. I wouldn't say LTB just yet because I'm not clear on what discussions you've had with him. It sounds like you have accepted poor behaviour from him. I would lay down clear expectations of what you need from a partner. Whilst he's 30 not 13, you mentioned his toxic parents so maybe it's not as obvious to him as it should be. So he needs to wash regularly, contribute to the family, treat you with respect, not pressure you for sex, not talk about sex publicly/in front of your children.

Whocansay · 08/02/2013 08:28

If this is true, OP, the reason that people think it isn't is that your h's behaviour is so unreasonable no-one would work out why you would stay nad let your children anywhere near him.

He has no respect for you, thinks real life sex is the same as porn, wants to cheat and doesn't even wash. Boak!

He doesn't sound like a catch and you should have let him remain a virgin. Yuk.

TheFallenNinja · 08/02/2013 08:29

Mention this to Jeremy on the show.

penelopepissstop · 08/02/2013 11:55

Get rid of this foul, foul man.

And tell him to grow up. I'm annoyed reading this post so have no idea how much this must be pissing you off.

Toxic. Tell him to get f*cked wherever he likes as long as it's not with you!

Original poster
PinkPanties · 08/02/2013 14:10

He has finally apologised at 10 this morning about his behaviour.
We are sorting things out

OP posts:
Ullena · 08/02/2013 14:41

LTB

That is all.

Hullygully · 08/02/2013 14:43

He sounds a real catch. What a delicious attractive loving and giving man.

A prime example of the species.

I think yo should fall to your knees in gratitude at having such a prize and have numerous al fresco threesomes with this LOVE GOD

NopeStillNothing · 08/02/2013 14:44

Hope you're tearing him a new one Op!

hellsbellsmelons · 08/02/2013 15:16

I do hope you are sorting things out.
To me though, it sounds beyond repair. I never say LTB either, if you love each other it's a start. But I really don't think he does love you from the way he treats you and talks to you.
Seriously, if you saw a couple on Jeremy Kyle explaining what you've explained to us - you would be like; OOOOMMMMMGGGGG!!!!
Kick him out. Let him fend for himself. He really does sound vile.

OpheliasWeepingWillow · 08/02/2013 15:18

Next time you go shopping find a new man.

Best I can do.

Sorry.

LadyBeagleEyes · 08/02/2013 15:29

I wonder where he thinks he's going to find the other woman for the threesome.
Does he have anybody in mind?
Because from your description any woman would be running screaming in the other direction.

Molepom · 08/02/2013 15:37

Have I entered The Twilight Zone? Confused

Whocansay · 08/02/2013 15:40

He apologised for his behaviour? Oh well, that makes it OK then! Hmm

RememberingMyPFEs · 08/02/2013 15:55

pink seriously, as you said people were so appalled by the post they assumed it was a wind-up of some description. LTB. You deserve better, your DC deserves a better role model and, while I'm no expert, this rings of EA to me and would raise red flags Hmm
Find your self esteem and move on. Thanks

RememberingMyPFEs · 08/02/2013 15:55

pink seriously, as you said people were so appalled by the post they assumed it was a wind-up of some description. LTB. You deserve better, your DC deserves a better role model and, while I'm no expert, this rings of EA to me and would raise red flags Hmm
Find your self esteem and move on. Thanks

HecateWhoopass · 08/02/2013 16:19

ok then. Good luck. I hope you're not back here in a month with the same behaviour. That would be very sad. I hope sorting it out actually means he will change.

pumpkinsweetie · 08/02/2013 17:51

Goodluck op, you are going to need it.

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 08/02/2013 18:24

In my experience, most men are very eager to have a threesome, until you introduce them to the other man, then they seem to go right off the idea...

Foggles · 08/02/2013 18:26

Has he washed yet?

ZillionChocolate · 09/02/2013 10:11

Which bit was he sorry for?

RedHotRudieParts · 09/02/2013 11:02

Oooooooohhh, this is like ye Jeremy Kyle if old.

Original poster
PinkPanties · 09/02/2013 11:26

Yes he has finally had a bath at long last!
And when it's my feelings at stake, jokes about Jeremy Kyle do not help.

This was the first time he has mentioned a threesome & i have blatantly told him that i will never be partaking in one.
I have told him, if he wants to experience others, he can leave and for a person that has only slept with one woman he has a cheek.
And i also told him if anyone will be seeking variety it will be me, seeming as i have a few notches on my bedpost where he doesn't.

Told him it aint my fault his mother held him back when he was younger so he can't blame me that he didn't get experience when he could.

From now on i'm regaining my trousers in our relationship that i seem to have lost.
And i'm well and truly putting my foot down, a family is at stake here, we have 4 dc.

From now on if he doesn't bath, i'm leading him to it.
If i want him to dress up for me, he is going to.
And he will be doing more housework.

If he wants variety, he can make the effort to try new things with ME and i mean run-of-the mill things.

OP posts: