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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To (in the future) give up our bedroom...

101 replies

Feminine · 06/02/2013 12:24

So the children get one each?

We have 3 children, and 3 bedrooms. No chance of getting more/adding more!

Children or bedrooms Wink

The boys share , they are 14 and 9. They don't get on at all. Our 14 yrs old is very mature for his age both in stature and mentally. Our 9 yrs old , is just 9 ...annoying to our other son. The room is not large, and is dominated by the bunk-beds and computer stuff (my son builds them)

I feel that our 9 yr old never gets any space for himself, a place to invite friends etc...he is a very sociable boy and I think he would really like a place of his own.

Our other child is a four yr old girl.

I'd like to buy a really decent sofa-bed and keep a wardrobe in our dd's room.
Its quite spacious.

I wouldn't miss a bedroom for a few years, in fact I think we would get more space as the 9 yr old would have a room to use/enjoy.

The boys are like chalk and cheese, and I think the age difference is very marked.

Has anyone done this? AIBU to think it would work? I'm hoping it just might? :)

OP posts:
MorrisZapp · 06/02/2013 13:10

I wouldn't, to be honest. If kids don't want to share then they can look forward to being adults when they can work for what they want and have all the privacy they need.

Adults entitlement to privacy should trump childrens, in my view.

Original poster
Feminine · 06/02/2013 13:13

I'm really leaning to dividing the larger room now, its seems quite possible from Ikea, or a stud wall (well that looks a bit more complicated TBH ;-) )

OP posts:
13Iggis · 06/02/2013 13:13

I think you could have a girly "half" of the room surely - pink duvet, pink rug - and similar for whatever the nine year old is interested in.
First I would do whatever I could to address the behaviour of the oldest boy. He should not be glaring at his brother or not sharing the space in the room with him!

Original poster
Feminine · 06/02/2013 13:15

13 you are right. He really shouldn't be. Its something we really work on-he is just very much a loner.

I'm going to spend more time working on that though, its not nice for anyone.

OP posts:
ethelb · 06/02/2013 13:17

I think you are being a bit harsh on the teen here. I had sibilings with similar age gaps and it was really, really hard. The teen is practically an adult and will have friends who mostly do not have to put up with this sitation (as selfish as that is).

I think my relationship with my siblings would have been worsened (from how bad it was already) in this situation.

I would put the younger ones in together, or put up some kind of divider in the room your sons share. Bunk beds are a bit weird for a 14 year old, sorry! (Though is he doens't have space for buildign computers he needs to give up that hobby).

Inertia · 06/02/2013 13:17

I wouldn't do this. Depending on the house layout, you could find your sleep gets incredibly disrupted once DS1 gets older and starts staying out later at night, or staying up later.

Agree with previous posters who have suggested putting two boys in most spacious room and using room dividers or a stud wall to give them their own space. You can get decent cabin beds with desks and storage underneath, so keep their section of the room self contained. You and H have the middle sized room, DD goes in the smallest room.

MorrisZapp · 06/02/2013 13:17

I was at school with a boy who slept on the sofa in his living room and kept his clothes folded on a chair.

badtasteflump · 06/02/2013 13:17

First I would do whatever I could to address the behaviour of the oldest boy. He should not be glaring at his brother

Grin at 13Iggis - presumably you don't have a teenager yet? Wink

Inertia · 06/02/2013 13:20

The problem with putting the youngest ones in together is that 9yo DS is likely to be moving into puberty before DS1 moves out- at which point it wouldn't really be appropriate for DS2 and DD to share, but you'd then have the added issue of DS1 being more reluctant to share space that he's used to having to himself.

13Iggis · 06/02/2013 13:21

Badtaste - no, you've got me! Grin. I do feel bad for the 9 year old and think some kind of 'code' could be agreed to try to make life more pleasant.

mrsbugsywugsy · 06/02/2013 13:23

I grew up sharing with my sister and we annoyed the he'll out of each other, especially at the age where I was a teenager and she was still a little girl.

However now we get on brilliantly so no long term damage was done Grin

13Iggis · 06/02/2013 13:24

The main reason I wouldn't give up my room is that it would mean dh and I having to go to bed at the same time, which I don't fancy at all!
Though come to think of it, settling into bed in time for some telly sounds like a nice evening Smile

badtasteflump · 06/02/2013 13:24

Yes I do agree, 13 - blardy well easier said than done though. My eldest two boys (similar ages to the OP used to share and they bickered constantly. We had a junk room/lean to converted into another bedroom so they don't have to share anymore and it really helped. Eldest (teen) still does plenty of glaring tho usually at me

OHforDUCKScake · 06/02/2013 13:25

IMO the answer is staring you in the face. The 14 year old needs his own space, the 9 year old needs more space and the 4 yo has a lot of space.

Its a no brainer, the 9 and 4 year old in together. You said yourself it'd only be for a few years.

I think its a bit silly not to, just because you want DD to gave a girly room. Bodering of favouritism.

That said, if you and your family are happy if you and DH are on the sofa then who are we to judge? I live in a tiny 2 bed house and we have an unusual set up too! Probably not that unusual but not what might be expected at least.

Original poster
Feminine · 06/02/2013 13:26

It is quite complicated.

Though a dreadful event in my childhood, I had to (for a few years) share with my sister and my MUM! Thats 2 teens and a grown woman.

Shows how past experiences have an impact in adulthood.

I'm all for space through those difficult ages, that is why the giving up of a room seems/seamed easy! Grin

OP posts:
Alibabaandthe40nappies · 06/02/2013 13:26

I really wouldn't do it.

Can you put the two boys in the bigger room? If they had a high sleeper each and then an Expedit to make a divider, then they would have room underneath their respective beds for computers and friends.

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 06/02/2013 13:29

Wouldn't do it personally. What happens as they grow up and stay up later and later and you and husband want to go to bed. I think a lounge where everyone can socialise is more important than a space to sleep.

Also, my DH and my relationship is important and a space of our own trumps one for the kids I think.

What if the kids are with you until they are in their 20s!!!

Original poster
Feminine · 06/02/2013 13:31

I'm thinking I'll go for an idea like that Aliba, it will be quite straight forward.

What I had forgotten about it that our 14 yr old will be going out more, in the next few years. Leaving (hopefully) less time for glaring...Wink

OP posts:
SoWhatIfImWorkingClass · 06/02/2013 13:33

We've considered this OP.

We have one boy aged 2 and another boy due in 3 and a half weeks. DP also has a daughter aged 7 who stays with us 3/4 nights a week.

At the moment DS and SD share the big bedroom and me and DP have the small bedroom. Everything is fine now, and DS2 will be in our room with us for about a year. Fast forward to next year though and things will need to change. First of all I want my boys to have a "boys room" and for it to be decorated specifically for them as they will share, and SD will be 8 going on 9 and will most likely want her own space. So for these reasons we have considered giving her our room and we'll get a sofa bed.

Of course by then we may well be able to afford a 3 bed house and things may be a bit different.

Original poster
Feminine · 06/02/2013 13:33

In the bigger room, they will be able to have separate beds. Computer areas.

Looks like the better option.

OP posts:
SomeBear · 06/02/2013 13:33

Another thing to consider - do you and your DP always go to bed at the same time and get up at the same time? If one of you is feeling unwell / needs an early night / fancies a lie in, do you have another room where the other can watch TV / read a book? It depends on how much you value your privacy, personally I need my own space but my DH isn't bothered about time alone. We also work different shifts so we would have to compromise on bedtimes but I appreciate this isn't a common issue.

Total sympathy with you, I have two DDs who are chalk & cheese. We've overstretched ourselves and are currently renting a house where they get their own bedrooms but realistically the next move will be back to a shared room. I'm dreading it as they've had a taste of privacy!

fieldfare · 06/02/2013 13:34

I'd put eldest ds in smallest single room, if double bed fits into 2nd bedroom - you and dh go in there, the largest room can then be shared by youngest 2 children. With a room divider if necessary - you can get modular tall storage units from Ikea for not much, and that would give each of them some privacy when a bit older too.

minibmw2010 · 06/02/2013 13:34

If you're sleeping in the Living Rm, what happens when the youngest gets up and comes downstairs in the morning? You'll never get a lie in again ????

Original poster
Feminine · 06/02/2013 13:36

I'm always feeling guilty about the life my kids get.

I think it stems from just wanting to make them all comfortable.

I'm quite used to giving things up...whats a room eh? Grin

Well, this has really helped me ....I think I'll show DH and we will divide things up (in the larger room)

OP posts:
Original poster
Feminine · 06/02/2013 13:38

somebear exactly our problem.

The boys used to have their own rooms. We had to return to the UK in a tricky situation. Its been hard on them both.

OP posts:
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