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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To (in the future) give up our bedroom...

101 replies

Feminine · 06/02/2013 12:24

So the children get one each?

We have 3 children, and 3 bedrooms. No chance of getting more/adding more!

Children or bedrooms Wink

The boys share , they are 14 and 9. They don't get on at all. Our 14 yrs old is very mature for his age both in stature and mentally. Our 9 yrs old , is just 9 ...annoying to our other son. The room is not large, and is dominated by the bunk-beds and computer stuff (my son builds them)

I feel that our 9 yr old never gets any space for himself, a place to invite friends etc...he is a very sociable boy and I think he would really like a place of his own.

Our other child is a four yr old girl.

I'd like to buy a really decent sofa-bed and keep a wardrobe in our dd's room.
Its quite spacious.

I wouldn't miss a bedroom for a few years, in fact I think we would get more space as the 9 yr old would have a room to use/enjoy.

The boys are like chalk and cheese, and I think the age difference is very marked.

Has anyone done this? AIBU to think it would work? I'm hoping it just might? :)

OP posts:
HazleNutt · 06/02/2013 12:41

I would not even consider it. As other said, your eldest can move out in just a few years. It might be a better idea to put the 9- and 4-year olds in the same room and hold the girly decorations until then.

HazleNutt · 06/02/2013 12:42

Can you divide the bigger room somehow so each would have a bit of their own space?

Ashoething · 06/02/2013 12:42

We are considering this op. We have 3 in a 2 bed house. They all share a room at the moment-2 ds and a dd. Eldest ds is getting to the age where he will need more space and it will be embaressing for him to share with his dd.

I grew up sharing a room with my 2 sisters,mum and uncle for a few years so am certainly not precious about kids having a room each!

A relative already does it-they live in a 2 bed flat with 3 ds. Eldest ds has own bedroom and the other 2 share. They sleep on a sofa bed in the living room and it seems to work for them.

HorraceTheOtter · 06/02/2013 12:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StuckOnARollercoaster · 06/02/2013 12:43

My family come from a country where this is fairly normal practice. The children have the bedroom and the parents use the living room for sleep.
A couple of things that help this work that are very typical - sofa beds that are designed for daily use, and include the storage for the pillows, duvet and sheets that you are taking out daily.
Also the ability to 'close' the living room door and its clear that the boundary to night time has been crossed (i.e. kids don't need to go through your bedroom if they need to get to bathroom or to kitchen if they are up early or late as they become older teenagers)

badtasteflump · 06/02/2013 12:43

IMO it's more important for you & your DH to have your own room than it is for your DC not to share. Your eldest is 14 - if he's anything like our (slightly older) teen, that means he's usually up as late as you are! In that case, how do you ever plan to have time on your own with DH if you don't have your own room? Confused

I agree with the suggestion that maybe the 4 & 9 year old should share. A 4 & 9 year old (whatever gender) have more in common than a mature 14 year old, I think. If you want them to be able to have their own decoration, can't you split the room down the middle, with room dividers if not a stud wall? Handy for storage too... Then they can both decorate their 'sides' how they want to.

Otherwise could you jiggle other rooms around to make another bedroom, ie lose a dining room, or do you have any really big rooms (living room, etc) which you could stud wall off a section of? Even just to make a separate sleeping area for you & DH rather than having to pull out a sofa bed each and every night (which sounds like a complete PITA!)...

CaseyShraeger · 06/02/2013 12:44

With my brothers, who really didn't get on, my parents put them sharing the largest room and put a temporary partition up the middle. So Brother On Far Side Of Room had to go through Brother On Near Side Of Room's bit of room to get to his own side but otherwise they could keep completely separate.

Ashoething · 06/02/2013 12:45

Sorry to hijack thread but what are stud walls? are these easy to do? We currently have the big bedroom and I am hoping that perhaps this could be split into 2 rooms for the dcs?

StuntGirl · 06/02/2013 12:46

I think part of the issue is your older son - you say your younger son annoys him, that your youngest only has the top bunk as 'his' space because the older one takes over the rest of the room with his computer stuff. I wouldn't accept that. It's a shared space, so they share. Check out this link for how a family in a similar situation managed it, could you adapt some of their tips?

offbeatfamilies.com/2010/01/teens-shared-room

badtasteflump · 06/02/2013 12:47

This website has some good ideas...

JourneyThroughLife · 06/02/2013 12:47

I'd do this....we did years ago when space Very Tight Indeed, we had a girl and a boy and they just needed the only two bedrooms we had at the time. It gave them their own spaces, in return all their stuff was kept in their rooms (no stuff to be left out in living rooms where we slept at night). It helped that we were pretty organised. Also, we bought a really good quality sofa bed that was wide (ordinary ones are quite narrow if two people are sleeping in it) and with a quality, metal frame/sprung mattress. A decent bed prevents all the back problems which ordinary sofa beds create.
We thought carefully about space, and had a large cupbaord to hang our clothes in and a "top box" which took the rolled-up bedding during the day. It did work, we did it for 4 years and never suffered for it, the family gained for having their own rooms...

curryeater · 06/02/2013 12:47

This is very common in some countries. I think in Japan the notion of bedrooms doesn't really exist: the day starts with people folding up the futon and bedlinen and putting them in the cupboard. On the other hand, this is not because of personal space - it is usual for the whole family to put their futons out in one room to sleep.

I feel for your sons, I couldn't bear sharing with my sister. She is so different from me. I think we are only friends now because we got our own rooms when I was 14.
I think you are very kind to think of things in such a flexible way but you must be sure that your own needs are met too. Maybe think about different things:

Have you got a shed, or room for one? (not necessarily good for sleeping in but could be someone's workshop, or play room) Could you get a caravan? Could you convert the loft? If it is boarded, could you get away with doing very minimal work in it just to make a play room or something, not necessarily building stairs?

Frankly if I had even been allowed a pop-up tent (which now I think of it, had not been invented) and my own book lamp, and maybe the convention that music is only listened to on headphones, my life in my sister's room would have been much nicer.

WafflesandWhippedCream · 06/02/2013 12:48

I wouldn't miss having my bedroom as a place to retreat to - it has never occurred to me (or DH) to do this anyway, our bedroom is just for sleeping in!

But I would find having to get a sofa bed out every day beyond annoying - all that faffing when you are tired. Also sofabeds are usually narrower than proper beds, and don't necessarily have good mattresses.

If it was me, I would have the younger two share, or somehow divide the biggest bedroom into two. We are moving house in a few weeks, and we are planning on giving our two DC the large bedroom to share, and squeezing our massive bed into the smaller bedroom. I'm happy to do that, it seems like a sensible solution - no way would I consider sleeping in the lounge and giving them a room each!

StuntGirl · 06/02/2013 12:48

In fact that same link could be used to adapt the bedroom for your younger two to share. You can still make your daughter's half 'girly' if that's really something that's so important to you.

beela · 06/02/2013 12:49

I personally wouldn't give up having a bedroom. What if you wanted to go to bed before the 14yo (who will soon be a 15 or 16 or 17 yo)?

But if it was me I would probably make sure that - as long as we could fit a double bed into it - me and DH had the smallest room and the DC had the two larger ones.

Viviennemary · 06/02/2013 12:49

I wouldn't consider it for even a moment. I've never known anyone who has done this. Move them into the bigger room and try and get things better arranged if you can. Do you have any loft space you could board for the computer stuff. And why can't the two younger ones share for a year or two.

Crinkle77 · 06/02/2013 12:51

No way. You need to have your privacy too. The boys will just have to learn to get along. It is a good life lesson for them to learn

cateerob · 06/02/2013 13:00

i have done this, i have a boy and girl and only two bedrooms, it has been ok for me as a single mum, it does have it down sides, as they are older its a pain when i want to go to bed and they want to stay up, no weekend lie ins, they are up and about making breakfast and wake me up.

they now both have tv's /laptops in thier rooms sometimes its a bit like we are living in 3 bedsits when they have friends over there is no where for to escape to for 5mins peace

mine are 18 and 16 now first did this about 6 years ago, was hoping eldest would be off to yni this year and then i would have a room does not look like that is going to happen now....

badtasteflump · 06/02/2013 13:02

Ashoething I'm not an expert at DIY at all but a stud wall is basically a dividing wall created by making a basic frame with lengths of wood and filling them in with plasterboard - like this ie no brickwork involved so it can basically be put up anywhere. You could have one just dividing part of the room, so they can both use the same entrance into the room, IYSWIM...

peeriebear · 06/02/2013 13:03

The only time DH and I spend in our bedroom is when we go to bed at night. We don't use it for anything else. I'd have no problems giving up our room if we had anywhere else to put our clothes (DH has more pairs of trousers than a well dressed centipede)
I shared with my sister and we had a 7 year age gap; it was never fun at all and we both resented it.

forevergreek · 06/02/2013 13:04

Can you put both boys in largest bedroom, get the largest expedit unit ikea sell and use it in the middle as a room divider!

WilsonFrickett · 06/02/2013 13:06

Put the eldest into the littlest room and have the younger DS and DD share the biggest room for a couple of years at least, you and DP take the middle-sized bedroom. Then re-assess. A 16 yo DS will probably spend more time out of the house, an 11 yo DS is likely to be more keen on his own activities and seeing friends through that, and at that point you could put them back in together.

Or see about splitting the largest room.

Original poster
Feminine · 06/02/2013 13:07

Very helpful points here. Thank you all so much for contributing such detailed responses . Its interesting to hear that some of you have done it.

The points against are very valid too.

The boys different temperaments are a constant worry for us, I want them both to be happy.

OP posts:
badtasteflump · 06/02/2013 13:07

Ooh they look good Forever. You could buy two, stand them next to each other and tack some thin board to the front of one and the back of the other, so they completely block off the room each side and then each child has their own set of shelves to use...

DontmindifIdo · 06/02/2013 13:09

Personally, I'd put the two younger ones intogether, perhaps with a wall devider, then given the teenager the single room, but being clear that this is only until he hits 18 (when your younger DS will be 13) as at that point he'll have to share with his little brother again as your DD will be an age to want space not shared with a boy. Also make sure of the rooms that will take a double bed, you have the smallest.

At the moment you are the last ones to bed, but you dont want to be waiting for teenagers to go to bed to get some sleep yourself, or if in the future you want to sleep/your DH wants to sleep but the other one doesn't.

And sofabeds always have unsupportive materesses.