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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to have a theory about people who talk all the time?

100 replies

Hullygully · 06/02/2013 11:45

We have had a few threads about this, and I have been thinking about it a lot and I have a theory. I was looking at the few friends I have who talk incessantly, largely about themselves, and realised that what they have in common is that they were all neglected as children, as in, no one listened to them, or if they did listen, they didn't "hear" them and respond and engage for various reasons.

So my theroy is that it is a "me me look at me I exist" desperate need for attention as proof of existence.

What do you think?

OP posts:

Original poster

Hullygully · 06/02/2013 11:59

Oh onepiece that is sad. Did no one listen to you?

OP posts:

onepieceoflollipop · 06/02/2013 12:00

Also I was once videoed for a work thing (counselling type stuff) when I was role playing. I was genuinely shocked (in a good way) that in a work setting I have clearly learnt to listen effectively. I had always worried a bit that I jabbered on! (which I do socially but apparently not while working)

Nagoo · 06/02/2013 12:02

Hully are you a good listener? Is that why the people go on at such length about things? Maybe you give them a bit of input that they didn't /don't get at home?

doyouwantfrieswiththat · 06/02/2013 12:02

I will check for murderous intention in the eyes of the next person I talk to...

onepieceoflollipop · 06/02/2013 12:03

@hully. Yes was sad, my parent had his own massive issues. A coping strategy for me was to spend hours and hours alone, reading.
However, on a positive note, my life is now pretty fantastic and I am very positive. I feel sad for some people that never seem to be able to move on from the damage. It has affected me of course, and I would rather things had been different, but my life is very different now :)

Smudging · 06/02/2013 12:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

onepieceoflollipop · 06/02/2013 12:04

Actually my own dds are very very chatty too, as is dh. But not about themselves, about all kinds of stuff.

Buzzardbird · 06/02/2013 12:05

I think you are correct, but, I am quite the opposite with my DD and listen to everything she has to say and pay her loads of attention but she still talks for England and butts into people's conversations all the time ( I am trying to teach her to wait politely ) . Don't know if that is her age? (6).

Sometimes people talk a lot as well because they are very nervous and they don't want people to ask them too many personal questions so they just keep talking as a way of 'blocking'. As hard as you try, it is very hard not to do it.

Original poster

Hullygully · 06/02/2013 12:07

that's interesting buzzard, two friends I am thinking of don't like "personal" questions and one of their conversational problems is that they don't ask other people questions in case it is seen as intrusive, whereas of course, it is seen as a lack of interest.

Yes Nagoo I am a jolly good listener

OP posts:

Trills · 06/02/2013 12:07

YANBU to have a theory

I'm not sure if your theory is correct.

Original poster

Hullygully · 06/02/2013 12:08

well think about it then you daft mare

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Nagoo · 06/02/2013 12:08

I think DC might breathe in on their 5th birthday and spend until they are 7 talking the air out.

Mine is only silent if I give him a nintendo.

OvO · 06/02/2013 12:09

I talked all the time as a child. I think my chattiness was indulged a lot as I'm the youngest but I also have health problems (Spina Bifida), so I got away with it as people smiled lovingly at me instead of encouraging me to occasionally pause for breath!

Not nearly as bad as an adult as I'm now an anti-social witch. Though I still talk my mums ear off on a regular basis.

My youngest is a fellow non stop talker and I think it's because we do the smile lovingly thing at him too. He's so cute and he knows it!

Original poster

Hullygully · 06/02/2013 12:10

I used to have to say to my ds, "I love you very much and you are the most interesting person I have ever met ever, but you have to not talk for ten minutes or my head will fall off"

He used to sit and stare at the clock...

OP posts:

Buzzardbird · 06/02/2013 12:12

Yes, if they don't ask people questions it may be because they don't want to be asked the questions back in return.
Waffling on about nothing/unimportant things is usually 'blocking' I do this all the time and then feel awful and wish I had just kept my mouth shut. But, I would then be seen as 'off'' I think.

Hobbitation · 06/02/2013 12:13

My mum talks a lot when they come to stay. My dad has never been chatty and is even more taciturn in his old age.

I have a friend who talks to the point of wearing me out, though what she actually says is interesting. I think she is a) a bit hyper (her DDs are quite full on too) b) She has a very quick brain and just pours all her thoughts out as quickly as they arrive c) Is a bit insecure & constantly needs to check she is doing the right thing d) She was one of three sisters and I bet there was a lot of competing for attention growing up!

My former childminder talks a lot whenever I see her, I think she just relishes adult conversation!

I quite like big talkers actually, as I like listening. But I do have to go and have a lie down after sometimes!

GetOrf · 06/02/2013 12:14

I sometimes have to tell dd to stop talking. I feel awful, but she has got that teenage habit of being taciturn until 11.45 when suddenly she feels the need to tell me all about her day and her most innermost thoughts. I have often said to her 'WHY do I get the monosyllables all evening and then you perk up now when I want to go to sleep'. And then I feel bad.

I don't think I am particularly chatty or quiet but I do worry about being the most boring dull bastard in the world, and often feel I am not worth listening to, and shut up mid convo.

Buzzardbird · 06/02/2013 12:14

Ha ha, thank god then my DD sounds the same as other DC's

Original poster

Hullygully · 06/02/2013 12:15

The ones I am thinking of though talk about themselves incessantly, "I feel, I think, I'm like..." Very much a validation plea.

OP posts:

Hobbitation · 06/02/2013 12:15

You are so nice, Hully. With DDs I just yell SHAAAADUUUUP!

BigAudioDynamite · 06/02/2013 12:15

I used to be a self contained and considered person, who people knew as a 'good listener'

Then I went through a few difficult things, life is harder and I havw things that worry me. I have lost a lot of my self confidence. I now find I am one of those people, that talk too much. I'm kind of afraid of the quiet/ my head is too full and busy/ I don't have the time (literally) or the energy for most other peoples 'stuff'. I am aware it doesn't make me a very nice person

Buzzardbird · 06/02/2013 12:17

Oooh no, I never use 'I' when 'I' (ha, see what 'I' did there?) talk. I just talk bollocks

Thumbwitch · 06/02/2013 12:17

I think you're probably right in a lot of cases.

But you're almost certainly wrong where my DH is concerned. He just takes after his mother who is an incessant chatterer, as is her sister. The first time I came over to Australia, I stayed at his mum's house and her sister was there as well - watching tv was an impossibility because, even if it was a show they wanted to watch, the 3 of them would just talk over it and over each other the whole fecking time. AND THEN ASK ME WHAT WAS GOING ON!!!

DH and his mum still do this at our house. I refuse to answer now, and just tell them to stop talking and watch it themselves if they want to know (I know I'm being rude but I think they're both rude to just talk over everything).

DH is the favoured child and has always had a lot of attention - but he just can't seem to stop making noise; if he's not talking, he's singing, humming, doing drumbeats - silence is a rare commodity in this house.

Hobbitation · 06/02/2013 12:17

It's funny how we deal with things isn't it?I clam up when I feel bad, and that's not great either.

youllneedthisfish · 06/02/2013 12:18

I can't help giving you this Quote from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy:

"One of the things Ford Prefect had always found hardest to understand about humans was their habit of continually stating and repeating the very very obvious, as in It's a nice day, or You're very tall, or Oh dear you seem to have fallen down a thirty-foot well, are you alright? At first Ford had formed a theory to account for this strange behaviour. If human beings don't keep exercising their lips, he thought, their mouths probably seize up. After a few months' consideration and observation he abandoned this theory in favour of a new one. If they don't keep on exercising their lips, he thought, their brains start working. After a while he abandoned this one as well as being obstructively cynical."

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