To wish they could tell me the gender of my baby but understand the reasons why?

[scottishegg]

Hi all I have just had my 20 week scan with my 3rd pregnancy and would have quite liked to find out the gender just to prepare and plan in advance, I already have a boy and a girl and would have just liked to have found out the gender this time to give me a difference experience as I didnt find out with my other two.

Though due to hospital policy within the area I live (Shropshire) I cant find out the gender within a routine scan I will have to have one done privately and pay 45 pounds in order to do this though in the next county they are willing to give this information out free as part of the routine scans.

I appreciate that the reason they do this is to supposedly stop certain members of society terminating foetusus that arent the preferred gender which is tragic and abhorrent but I feel that if people really wanted to do this unfortunately they would just pay the £45 and have a private scan( though I admit it has put me off)

I suppose my issue is that different counties have different policies and selfishly I would have liked to have found out but havent the cash to do it.

I am not starting this thread to cause a bun fight or be controversial I promise.

I guess I shall have to wait to be surprised.

[MrsMook]

The problem with abortion based on sex preferences is that where the practice is carried out, it leads to imbalanced communities as the natural ratio of boys to girls is distorted. There are millions of missing females in the world, particularly in places like India and China, and on that scale there are social issues connected to employment, family structure and crime due to men becoming socially isolated. Not so obvious in minority cultures, but still socially undesirable aside from moral issues.

Most abortions are carried out before 16 weeks unless there is a direct health concern involved. Late abortion is more physically traumatic. Carrying out an abortion based on baby's sex will be a later abortion, and back street abortions always have and always will exist, and are considerably riskier. In that situation, the woman may not have a free choice, and may be coerced by family pressure and may be socially isolated from mainstream culture.

[Pigeonhouse]

It's the different policies from place to place that baffles me. I would have thought Shropshire was unlikely to contain significant numbers of the communities considered most like to abort on gender grounds, yet it gave birth a couple of years ago in a massively multicultural hospital in East London, and there was no policy in gender non-disclosure.

CailinDana, I would have been horrified at being judged as a potential foeticide because of my race!

[Pigeonhouse]

I gave birth in East London, not 'it'.

[LouiseSmith]

You have the right to choose which hospital you are seen at. Change to one that will tell you x

[BabysNewName]

In NHS Grampian they don't tell you. But I don't think it's anything to do with termination. It's because the trust doesn't want to be sued for getting it wrong.

[Chattymummyhere]

My local tell you and do the scan photos for free. However I have always used baby bond at 16weeka to find out.

[UriGeller]

The 29 week scan is a Foetal anomaly scan and not a 'finding out whether I can order the pink pram or the blue pram' scan.

If you want to know which colour to paint the nursery, then its right that you pay for a 'Which colour shall we paint the nursery' scan.

If you want an in depth assessment of your foetus's health and development then the NHS offer the foetal anomaly scan for free.

[UriGeller]

Gah! 20 weeks scan of course!

[Fleta]

Not being facetious but I would be interested to see which members of society the hospital think would abort if the foetus was a girl?

[QueenStromba]

It seems that fake abortion clinics are becoming a problem in the US. They basically mess you around telling you they'll do the procedure until it's too late or tell you that it's too late when it isn't. It's fucking abhorrent behaviour.

[autumnsmum]

Like a pp I've had all my babies in east London and was told the gender at the twenty week scan each time . I had a friend who was scanned at a hospital where there was a policy of not revealing gender and the person doing the scan dropped a very broad hint re the baby's gender

[RedToothBrush]

I would love to know what most people really gain from knowing whether its a girl or boy. In terms of planning you don't NEED to know to buy clothes or to plan bedrooms and I don't have a lot of time who insist that they needed to know for these reasons. They are petty and quite sexist actually. Generally the only reason to know is either for cultural preference or for personal preference or for simple impatience. There are only a few people for which it is important to know for genetic reasons.

It is the job of the NHS is simply to provide health care so I therefore believe that they should not provide this information as it does seem to create far more problems than it solves. I also think that private scanning companies should be more firmly controlled and monitored to see who is using their services. At the moment, I do think the entire system is open to abuse because no one seems to want to acknowledge that there is an issue we should be addressing.

[grimbletart]

Just trying to work out how on earth us older posters managed before the days when telling the sex was an option.

Let's see…we treated a baby as a baby, not as a pre-determined stereotype of what a boy baby should be or a girl baby should be. A house was a house, not a house suitable for a boy or a girl. Clothes were clothes, wallpaper was wallpaper, toys were toys.

No pinkification, no got to be blue, no agonising between a doll or a toy train; just lots of lovely primary colours and toys for every individual taste irrespective of whether it was a boy or a girl.

How did we manage?

[Mim78]

I sort of think they are right not to tell gender because I don't like the idea of abortion on basis of gender. However it does not make sense that it varies by area. I found out both times because I could in my area despite in theory not really thinking I should be told!

However I agree that if you were so bothered you would terminate based on gender you would probably pay the 45 pounds.

The sadder thing is the girls who are born suffering discrimination and not being treated the same as their brothers/ male members of community I guess .

[CromeYellow]

People who intend to abort their female babies will pay to find out privately, this is just punishing poorer people who may not have extra money to spare and insulting everyone else by assuming us all misogynistic baby killers. How offensive and patronising.

If they want to stop gender selected abortions, they should disbar and imprison any doctor caught providing one and imprison anyone caught going abroad for one.

yabu, there are some things which shouldn't be tolerated.

[Ragwort]

I think if it is that important to you to find out the sex (& reasons of what clothes to buy and what colour to paint the room don't seem that essential ) - then pay just the £45. Personally I would rather spend the money on white babygrows - don't you all get given tons of baby clothes anyway when your baby arrives, I know we did ? .

Reading Worley's comments about peoples' reactions to the 'wrong' sex is heartbreaking.

I was asked if I wanted to know the sex of my baby, I saw absolutely no reason to and didn't need to know - it is the one thing in life which is a genuine surprise .