To wish they could tell me the gender of my baby but understand the reasons why?

[scottishegg]

Hi all I have just had my 20 week scan with my 3rd pregnancy and would have quite liked to find out the gender just to prepare and plan in advance, I already have a boy and a girl and would have just liked to have found out the gender this time to give me a difference experience as I didnt find out with my other two.

Though due to hospital policy within the area I live (Shropshire) I cant find out the gender within a routine scan I will have to have one done privately and pay 45 pounds in order to do this though in the next county they are willing to give this information out free as part of the routine scans.

I appreciate that the reason they do this is to supposedly stop certain members of society terminating foetusus that arent the preferred gender which is tragic and abhorrent but I feel that if people really wanted to do this unfortunately they would just pay the £45 and have a private scan( though I admit it has put me off)

I suppose my issue is that different counties have different policies and selfishly I would have liked to have found out but havent the cash to do it.

I am not starting this thread to cause a bun fight or be controversial I promise.

I guess I shall have to wait to be surprised.

[Worley]

I've worked at both a hospital where we do sex and one where we didn't sex the baby.. where i currently work we do and it isthe bain if our lives (dramatic i know) people refuse to go until weve seen what the baby is they cry when its not the right sex and it all such an issue. it gets so that i dread having to tell some one if its the same sex as they already have or if theyve already said they dont want another girl.
the best place I worked at was where we didn't sex. we could concentrate on measurements and anomalies. not boy bits or girl bits. I wish it would be a no sexing policy throughout the nhs. if people want to know they can pay privately if they're desperate. I have been in a situation where a lady had had an earlier scan, was told it was a boy, came to the anomaly scan and it was a girl. she was devastated,, she sobbed and literally collapsed outside the scan room afterwards as it was the wrong sex for her culture. ironically she had asked for a termination early on due to her age but presented too late for our hospital to do procedure. and was then told it was a boy at this scan; hence she continued with pregnancy.
as an another poster said earlier on, you get what your given and years ago there wasnt all this fuss about it all. you don't get many true surprises in life so why spoil this one?

[ThreeWheelsGood]

I think it's a timesaving thing, actually. Some trusts have a policy of not saying as the anomaly scan is for taking measurements and identifying problems. The NHS sonographer doesn't want to be held up hunting around for a willy! Parents should go private for this info, it's trivial in comparison with knowing the baby is healthy.

[ThreeWheelsGood]

I think it's a timesaving thing, actually. Some trusts have a policy of not saying as the anomaly scan is for taking measurements and identifying problems. The NHS sonographer doesn't want to be held up hunting around for a willy! Parents should go private for this info, it's trivial in comparison with knowing the baby is healthy.

[ICBINEG]

It makes me sad that people think they need to 'plan' based on the babies gender.

There is far more difference between individual girls (or individual boys) than there is between the average girl and the average boy.

Why not leave the gender stereotyping until the poor fecker has at least seen the light of day....

[PleasePudding]

I can't bear the idea of people being horrified at the sex of their baby. I understand that some people may feel a twinge of regret one way or another but the idea of aborting on the grounds of sex is hideous.

However if someone didn't want a girl to such an extent that they would abort a 20 week foetus what is the point of making them continue that pregnancy? Is it because they may change when the baby is born? Or that the girl will hopefully never regret being born even if her parents are total twats to her or because it is so distasteful to have such abortions on our society and enforces the idea that one sex is preferable to another?

[maisiejoe123]

I agree with no to providing any gender checking. People collapsing after finding it is a girl etc is just horrible! Where we live our local hospital wont reveal and I think thats the right decision. It's in a very multicultural area. I saw something in the paper today about how immigrant communities cannot adopt a 'pick and mix' democracy and choose their own laws and follow their own cultural beliefs when they are clearly wrong, ie aborting a baby because it is a girl, honour killings, forced marriages etc and I would welcome a government who passes laws making these things illegal as opposed to pretending these things arent happening....

[VinegarDrinker]

They are already illegal...

[IneedAsockamnesty]

Icbineg.

Should I have another child I would like to plan after I know the sex of the baby, if it was one sex I would change my main house and would prefer to do that whilst pregnant.

But then again I wouldn't expect to not pay for that info nor would it be an issue if the info was wrong these things happen.

[maisiejoe123]

But we do know they go on and have been known to turn a blind eye for fear of upsetting different cultures.

[ICBINEG]

sock you would change your whole house?

Is this about siblings of different sexes not being in the same bedroom? Must admit I don't really get that either....

[Hippymama]

vinegardrinker I live in shropshire and had my baby there fairly recently. It is the NHS trust who do the scans and they will not tell you at 20 weeks. If you want to know the sex then you can pay £50 and come back at 23 weeks to be scanned by the same sonographers in the same scan room using the same scanning equipment. That is why I think it is a money making exercise. The same hospital charges £5 per scan picture, or you can have 3 copies of the same picture for £10, which is well over and above what the pictures cost to produce.

[exoticfruits]

They get it wrong anyway. The woman in the next bed whenI had DS was told it was a girl(she already had a boy) she bought all pink stuff and it was a boy.

[Hippymama]

Just to be clear, I have no objections whatsoever to paying for scan pictures, but I think that the Royal Shrewsbury capitalises on the fact that parents want a picture of their baby and so charges much more than they cost to produce. There is no way that a scan pictures costs £5 to produce, but they know that parents will pay it so they have the photo. I remember a thread on here a while ago asking how much hospitals charged for scan pictures and the Royal was one of the most expensive, with most people saying £2-3 per picture (which I think is reasonable).

[jkklpu]

I often wonder what it is that parents want to prepare based on knowing the gender of their baby in advance.

[Hippymama]

Well in my case, I wanted to get clothes, nursery etc together. I already had lots of "girl" things, but nothing "boy" or neutral. Everybody in my family has girls and everyone assumed my baby was a girl, until the private scan ;)

I know I could have gone out after the baby was here and got things, but would rather spend that time getting to know my new baby and the nearest shops to where I live are over 25 miles away, so not really somewhere I can just pop to.

[jkklpu]

Sonographers can get things wrong and then there's a risk that a parent's first emotion on seeing the new baby is disappointment because it's not the sex s/he was expecting. And clothes are unisex/don't matter at all for months and months (and can be bought online anyway, be it ebay or high street. I'm afraid I just like the surprise - there are so few left in life.

[Hippymama]

I suppose everyone is different. I really didn't like the white and lemon clothes I saw when I was shopping when I was pregnant and didn't want to have a unisex nursery. I'm not someone who really likes surprises either!

The thing that irritated me about Shropshire's stance on the scans was that if I had chosen to go to any of the hospitals outside the county (as I was entitled to do, especially as they are actually closer to my home) then I could have found out the sex and would not have been charged. It was the inconsistency that annoyed me. When I was pregnant I had a number of friends who lived in the same town as me who were also pregnant. I was the only one who chose to give birth within the county we live in and I was also the only one who would have been charged to find out the sex of my baby. The next time I am pregnant I will be going out of the county, NOT because of the scans, but because my experience of giving birth at the Royal was so poor. I would never want to give birth there again (but that is a whole other thread!)

[IneedAsockamnesty]

Yes it is because of the sharing rooms thing I would get a bigger one. I wouldn't expect any of my much older children to share with a baby nor would I have different genders sharing, in all fairness if it wasn't an option for me to do so easily then I wouldn't bother so much but it is so I would.

Another thing prompted by hippy mamas post, why on earth do you hardly ever see pale green baby grows these days, I quite liked them.

[ZolaBuddleia]

Just back on the thread. A couple of people asked why I'd mentioned the legal action angle. No revealing of sex where I live, and think it's unlikely round here that there would be cultural preference for boys. (But plenty of cultural preference for suing anyone and anything! )

[countrykitten]

So just because there are mad people who will abort babies if they are girls the OP is not allowed to know the sex of HER baby in HER womb? Might it not be better to tackle the cultural inadequacies which lead to people aborting baby girls rather then punishing a mother who would like to plan ahead for her baby?

[countrykitten]

maisie - great post.

[worley]

hippy mama- it is a money making excersize. our trust has asked us to have a specific weekend clinic where people can pay for us to find out te gender of scan. they have to now make a profit within the nhs and this was a way of trying to make the profit...
also pictures... we charge £3.. another near us charges £5. each if the picture mounts cost £1 then the thermal film Is actually quite expensive. and the time taken out of scanning to print out and mount pictures has all been counted and calculated to provide the cost of each picture. previously any money raised went to the scbu bit now it goes into funding new equipment, courses etc.. even towards the hospital debt.

[Twins355]

We have been to babyvision for our twins for a gender scan, the lady Ruth started by going through measurements and health of babies and left us worried unnecessarily about our one twin with her expressions and behaviour and started ringing hospital and even forgot our pictures of twins she was that wrapped up in thinking she was a hospital professional. On walking in we said hello to Ruth to be totally blanked and the receptionist who is the partner in the business was very miserable also so not very inviting. Ruth didn't introduce herself until we were lay down ready to commence which was quite rude and unprofessional.
The lady on reception then went on to slate 2 other businesses tht do the same which in business is totally unethical.
All in all terrible experience and has left us worried about the life and growth of our little girl, would not recommend anyone go there and stick to the good old hospital, at least they introduce themselves and have the professional ettiket to not cause unnecessary worry.

[Mia4]

Yanbu to want to know but personally I thinkvwe should do away with being told at scans altogether. It would solve the issue of some places doing and some not plus I know of two people told the wrong sec of their baby.

Yabu to say gender when you mean sex, gender is social and you won't know until the baby grows up and tells you. People seem to mix up the two all the time, I used to myself before my friend transitioned se now I understand the difference.

If someone will abort due to sex then surely they are likely to pay for a private scan? Cheaper in long run.

[HarryTheHungryHippo]

I had my 20week scan last week and they told me, even asked at the beginning if I wanted to know. I'm in the midlands, why is it different in different parts of the country?