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AIBU?

AIBU to be annoyed at DH for giving FIL photos of DC2

148 replies

twitchycurtains · 05/02/2013 15:57

Since DC2 was born FIL has been asking for photos of dc2 I have had every intention of giving him some photos just as soon as I recovered from the difficult birth (3rd degree tear/difficult recovery), moving house (still have a load of random boxes in the spare room) and a boisterous pre schooler who is currently driving me bonkers as I am unable to find a nursery place in the new area we have moved to.

FIL mentions the photos everytime he sees me, and every time I reassured him that just as soon as I manage to print some off and put in nice frames for him I will give him the photos. He always responds with some sarcastic witty remark. I am getting quite fed up of it because a) its not very high on my list of priorities (I don't have any pics of DC2 at my own house yet/haven't given pics to my parents) what with the whole having a baby/having a pre schooler/house move thing and b) they live 5 fucking minutes away by car and rarely visit, the only time FIL comes to see DC2 is when its DC1's bedtime, DC2 doesn't always like being held by FIL so will scream and DC1 will be climbing the walls because it being bedtime and being bloody knackered. I am sahm and therefore free during the day for vists but on the few occassions FIL has visited, its has
always been around bedtime for DC1.

I am sure that he cares about DC2 and DC1 but tbh they (him and mil) don't really show any interest unless it fits in with their schedules, they are much closer to their daughter's children who they provide extensive childcare for, so if I suggest they visit earlier they either don't come because it clashes with other kids school times or just end up coming the time they want anyway.

Recently, I managed to find the professional bounty ones that were taken at hospital (rip off prices but lovely pics), went out bought a frame, and gave it to him wrapped up, thinking that will be the end of it. But apparently the photo is no good as its not recent and DC2 doesn't look like that anymore.

DH has today gone and printed off some pics for his dad, even though he knows I am annoyed at constantly being reminded and that it was something I wanted to do on my terms and not because FIL nagged me death over it.

I am really fucking annoyed, at DH for spending over £20 printing large sized photos (we are supposed to be budgetingas I am not working/money tight etc) to give to his dad to keep him happy. Had a go at DH, he isn't talking to me now and has said he will put the photos in the bin. I am now at home with the kids wondering if I over reacted. Perfectly willing to accept I may be a tad hormonal and U.

OP posts:

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HintofBream · 05/02/2013 18:16

If you get this worked up over such a trivial matter, goodness know how you will cope with ILs and DH over the next 20 years or so of your DC's childhood.

pluCaChange · 05/02/2013 18:22

Moving past the photo question, anyone who turns up at bedtime is definitely bring unreasonable. I don't answer the door from about suppertime onwards, as DS would just get overexcited and DD (the baby) is already squealing for food/cuddles. She is NOT squealing for Sky, double glazing, Jehovah's Witnesses or inconvrnient droppers-in. Nor are your children, OP, so just "suffer a rash of evening doorsteppers", and stop answering the door! If the ILs haven't rung ahead, they'll deserve this!

Joiningthegang · 05/02/2013 18:43

Ya u - and a bit odd

Inertia · 05/02/2013 18:48

Actually I don't think you are being unreasonable. I agree with Northern Lurker - this is about more than the photos.

What comes across to me is that you're tired, recovering from a difficult birth ( and it's a bit unfair for others to protest that 3 months is too long to recover, we have no idea what medical problems OP had), and stressed from a house move with no childfree time to get sorted. In the meantime, FIL regularly turns up at the most awkward time possible (despite suggestions for other times when he'd actually get more time with GC ), offers zero help but makes demands. Frankly I would have other priorities than photo printing too.

I was going to suggest emailing photos so he can print them himself, but you are already doing that.

Try not to be cross with DH though, he was trying to help. Might be worth telling DH that you can't afford the cost of regularly printing 20 pounds worth off photos, but it would be great if DH could take charge of emailing photos to FIL for him to get printed himself. I would also get DH to show FIL how to get photos printed himself so he has no excuse, and then ask for the Bounty photos back if he doesn't want them.

I also wouldn't be entertaining at bedtime either. FIL sounds a bit of a PITA - seems like it all has to be on his terms.

ll31 · 05/02/2013 18:59

yabu, seems quite bizarre to get so worked up over this.

exoticfruits · 05/02/2013 19:08

I can't see the problem.

Sashapineapple · 05/02/2013 19:16

YABU. Why don't you just email him a few, takes all of 5 minutes and he can print them himself if he wants. Total non issue.

twitchycurtains · 05/02/2013 19:17

Northern Lurker : your post made me laugh out loud, hoes and rats up toilets - certainly lowered my bp.

Inertia: thank you for understanding about the birth thing, I am still finding it difficult to do certain things and my physio has been delayed due to house move etc.

Everyone else who thinks I am odd/strange/over-reacting I don't think I am although I accept (for the millionth time) that I was being unreasonable with DH. I do think he was trying to do something nice for his dad, that is just the way he is, he is v close to his family and doesn't like hearing anything negative about them no matter how constructive. He also works away a lot so is very rarely here apart from weekeneds or the odd day like today.

OP posts:

twitchycurtains · 05/02/2013 19:18

Sashapineapple: I do email him regularly - have done since DC2's birth, I mentioned it earlier.

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MrsTerryPratchett · 05/02/2013 19:25

I have changed my YABU to a YANBU. You email him pictures regularly. He chooses not to print them out. DH spends 20 quid of your money doing it so FIL is happy. Nope, YANBU. Sorry for the earlier YABU.

CaseyShraeger · 05/02/2013 20:01

If you have been emailing him photographs at a high enough resolution to print then I change my vote to YANBU (but YABU not to have mentioned that in your OP as it is a fairly critical point). If you have been emailing them at low resolution then YA still B a bit U but not so U as you appeared at first.

Uppermid · 05/02/2013 20:08

Was also going to say yabu but you email pictures, have you suggested to fil that he can print them off?

Re the visiting, you need dh to tell them that visits at bedtime have to stop. They are welcome any other time but unless they are coming over to help with bedtime it's too disruptive. Fluff it up a bit and say how you want their visits to be enjoyable, and you'd like to spend decent time with them and this isn't possible when the children are tired and cranky

Yika · 05/02/2013 20:10

I'm in the minority and think YADNBU. Your FIL sounds like a major pain the arse, and completely inconsiderate. Your DH shouldn't have had to get the man off your back. He shouldn't have been harassing you for prints in the first place! You sound very normal to me.

twitchycurtains · 05/02/2013 20:10

When DC2 was born we were living in a different city - hence why he has photos emailed to him from Birth, they have not been cropped or altered because I just quickly upload them and email them. Don't have time to edit or make them smaller. Since we have moved close to them which has been about 2 months I still email him photos, dh works away a lot so I email him pics from the phone so he can see the DC's, so I just add FIL's email address to the email. But I have only ever given him a physical photo the once.

I didn't mention it in the OP because I thought (wrongly as it turns out) that he was being unreasonable enough to keep bugging me for photos when he doesn't come and see him and when I had already given him a photo.

OP posts:

twitchycurtains · 05/02/2013 20:12

Inlaws don't have a printer.

OP posts:

Sashapineapple · 05/02/2013 20:20

Sorry didn't see that bit. In that case YANBU. Tough luck if they haven't got a printer, they can put them on a memory stick and go into any camera, print shop, boots or library and print them. If they haven't got a memory stick then send them a link to one on amazon or something.

thixotropic · 05/02/2013 20:24

In-laws might not have a printer, but Boots, Tesco, etc do... Time for your dh toexplain memory sticks and shop photo printing to HIS dad.
Yanbu op.
(have fun watching the rats climb the loo)

mum11970 · 05/02/2013 20:28

I find grandparents can't do right from wrong half the time, they either come round too often or not often enough. May be he realises you don't like him very much so is giving you some space. Most Grandparents love to have pictures up of gc to show them off to their visitors.

changeforthebetter · 05/02/2013 20:31

Oh FGS! FIL is being a PITA. H takes action to sort it out but it is not exactly to your liking.... Stop being a control freak - his Dad, his decision. I am usually woolly and empathetic but really, if you want some actual problems, I have a selection I woulda apply donate some.... Congratulations on your baby

twitchycurtains · 05/02/2013 20:35

Changeforthebetter - have you read any of my posts? or is it just easier to have a go because reading something like the op or any of my responses gets in the way of you having a dig. Seriously- wtf do you know about my problems/lack of them or whatever, I posted here about fil/photos/me having a go at dh, by all means tell me I am being unreasonable call me a fucking nutter like a lot of folk have, but back the fuck off about "actual" problems because you seriously haven't a fucking clue. ta

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MmeLindor · 05/02/2013 20:42

Twitchy
Hide the thread, make a cup of tea and go find a funny thread to have a laugh on.

Its not worth it. There will still be lots of posters who won't RTFT and jump on you.

I can recommend the I hate feminism thread. It's v funny

Hulababy · 05/02/2013 20:45

I can understand why your DH is annoyed tbh. You had a go at him for doing something that he probably thought would help. His dad wanted a photo, he has been asking for 3 months and DH probably thought it easier to just get them done and be over with it.

There are obviously far bigger issues going on with the PILs though. I doubt it is just about a photo or two.

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twitchycurtains · 05/02/2013 20:46

MmeLindor - you know, I am going to do exactly that or maybe go look at shiny pretty things via S+B. Thank you for being kind.

OP posts:

BabaYaya · 05/02/2013 20:46

Twitchy

You may find the relationships board gives you support and ideas for dealing with your in-laws (and dh). I'm not sure you'll get much more from this thread as its in AIBU.

Yadnbu.

twitchycurtains · 05/02/2013 20:47

Thank you babayaya

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