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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to buy my bridesmaid a bigger dress?

44 replies

HeartsAndBows · 05/02/2013 14:24

I'm slightly worried how this will go (judging by another thread) but here goes.

I am getting married in July, we have decided on and bought the dresses for the bridesmaids (having three).

One of my bridesmaids is a size 12 and she asked that I buy her a size 10 as she said she was going to lose weight for the wedding (this was back in September). I didn't really want to and wish I hadn't but I did.

We have both been busy lately and not seen each other very much and met up last night for dinner, and without sounding horribly rude - she has put on weight.

I don't want to offend her, but I was thinking about either trying to exchange the dress for a larger one or because I bought it a while ago just buy a size 14 instead. They are bringing in new collections soon so the dress would probably need to be bought soon before it gets discontinued.

It's obviously much easier to have a dress altered and be made smaller than it would be to make it bigger.

I love my friend and I don't want to upset her by saying she's put weight on etc.

Should I just buy the bigger dress?

OP posts:

LetMeAtTheWine · 05/02/2013 14:27

Can you not get the bridesmaids over to try on the dresses, shoes and try out hair etc - make a bit of a night of it with a couple of drinks, for example? This way you might be able to avoid upsetting her but she would be able to see how the dress fits (or not).

OhIWishThereWasABook · 05/02/2013 14:28

Could you not say something like , omg they've made a terrible mistake, only size 14 left! The shop said they come up a bit small and we could always have it adjusted?

Never buy a frock with intention of dieting into it!!

Original poster

HeartsAndBows · 05/02/2013 14:28

I'm not sure, maybe that would embarrass her?

If she tried her dress on in front of people because it obviously won't fit. She is around a size 14 now and the dress is a size 10.

OP posts:

CheeseStrawWars · 05/02/2013 14:29

If she's your friend, just say to her "I'm a bit worried about the bridesmaid dress I've got for you. The measurements are bust x, waist x, which seems small to me - do you think that's going to be okay for you for July or do you want to send me your measurements and I'll see if I can get another?"

FreePeaceSweet · 05/02/2013 14:30

What LetMeAt said. You may not need a bigger dress but it may be the boot up the bum to lose weight if she so wishes. Don't tell her beforehand you think she needs a bigger size. Let her tell you that. She's hardly going to want to squeeze into a dress two sizes small and look ridiculous. Tell her if she needs to change or alter the dress then to contact the shop as you may not be able to do it. Give her the details and leave her to it.

fluffyraggies · 05/02/2013 14:31

I would do the night altogether trying on thing and casually announce when they arrive that you have bought x no.s of size 12's and a size 14 for everyone to try in case it's a better fit, as reviews have said they come up small

SpicyPear · 05/02/2013 14:31

Bit of a tricky one! A friend of mine had to have panels sewn into a bridesmaid dress due to weight gain and she was mortified, so I think you just need to take control of the situation and get a bigger size that can be altered if the weight does come off.

fluffyraggies · 05/02/2013 14:32

And say you've got a 10 as well.

Original poster

HeartsAndBows · 05/02/2013 14:32

Sorry to drip feed -

We had a day out and tried on and bought the bridesmaid dresses that day, so she knows what size I bought her.

OP posts:

fuckadoodlepoopoo · 05/02/2013 14:34

Why not just give it to her to try on? Then she can do it in privacy.

MaxPepsi · 05/02/2013 14:34

Have you got the actual dresses, or are they on order?

fuckadoodlepoopoo · 05/02/2013 14:35

And then she can decide if she wants to lose weight or if she'll need a bigger one. She should probably offer to pay for it seeing as you just got the size she asked you to.

LetMeAtTheWine · 05/02/2013 14:38

Hmmm, maybe it would embarrass her a bit, but possibly no more than being bought a different sized dress. Unless you could engineer it so that she could be trying it on whilst the other two are doing hair or something so that it's not like she would have to show the others?

I don't really think you have a choice but to bring it to her attention - it might be enough to give her the kick she obviously wanted to lose weight in the first place. Or am I just being optimistic?

A tricky one OP

OhThisIsJustGrape · 05/02/2013 14:38

I think you'll have to be blunt. Unfortunately my friend put on weight between buying her bridesmaid dress and the actual day - she gave up smoking, which was a good thing - but, because the top half of the dress was corset style complete with lace-up back, we actually spent longer squeezing her into it (think one foot on her bum whilst pulling the laces with all our might!!) than we did getting me ready!!

There's a big difference between a size 10 and a size 14, enough of a difference I would say to mean she hasn't a hope of fitting in it at all on the day. If it was a case of it being a little tight over hips or similar then I'd perhaps not say anything but this could cause a huge issue on the day.

No idea how you tactfully tell her! My friend refused a fitting close to the day as 'she hadn't put on any weight' and therefore didn't need one

LetMeAtTheWine · 05/02/2013 14:39

Oh no fuckadoodle haven't you seen the other thread about paying for bridesmaid dresses?! What have you suggested?

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 05/02/2013 14:40

She is obviously a good friend if she is your bridesmaid. Give her the dress, let her try it on....she has 4 months or so to get into it...ask if really is going to happen. Tell her that you will get her a bigger size and if it needs to be taken in because she has lost her weight then you are happy to do so.

So, this either gives her a massive kick up the arse to shift some weight or it lets her off the hook.

Trills · 05/02/2013 14:40

Hi Jane, I was just wondering if you were still planning on being size 10 by July or if you think a 12 or 14 might be more realistic - the line is being discontinued so if we need to swap we have to do it now. Hope you don't think I'm being rude, but it would be horrible to get to the day and have a dress that won't do up. Love Hearts x

MaxPepsi · 05/02/2013 14:41

oh, sorry x-post

You have them already.

How close are you? Does she know she's put on weight or is she in denial?

I was a fat bridesmaid once and there was an unfortunate cock up with the dresses. I had ordered my size but the labels were wrong, I got a size smaller but with my size label and had to go on a crash diet to fit in the damn thing! All quite amusing now but a bit of a ffing panic 3 days before the wedding!

Is there anyway you can buy a larger dress and swop the labels??

FeistyLass · 05/02/2013 14:43

Give her the dress to try on again in her own home without an audience and give her the receipt. Mention that 'someone else' (maybe an online review?!) thought they were a bit tight and they wished they had got the bigger size. Then suggest she try it and if she would be more comfortable changing it, she has the receipt to do so.
tbh she must know if she's put on weight.
I was in a similar situation but I was the bridesmaid My friend bought the dress in the sale when I wasn't there and got me an 8. I was about a 12 at the time and if I had been there I wouldn't have bought it. However, even though she knew what size I was, she also knew I was on a keep fit kick.
When I tried it on at home, I knew she would freak if she saw that there was a 2 inch gap where the zip was supposed to meet.
I got the receipt, phoned round the country to find a bigger size that was still on sale, and swopped it for the bigger size. Come the wedding, I actually had lost weight and had to get the dress altered but I felt that was better than having to panic diet into a dress 2 sizes too small.
So, make it her responsibilty and then you don't need to worry about it.

BigSilky · 05/02/2013 14:43

Could you maybe give her the dress and tell her it's so she can get the right shade of shoes/ handbag/ make up? Then she would try it on and be able to get back to you about sizes.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 05/02/2013 14:43

Why would you swap the labels?? She obviously knows she isnt a size 10.........it may ultimately do her a favour.

GetOrf · 05/02/2013 14:44

Can you not just give her the dress and let her try it on? She is an adult and probably knows that she is not a size 10. Plus there are 4 months for her to slim down to get in it, and if she doesn't want to do that she can arrange to have it altered.

She is a grown up, no need to pussy foot around her. Plus if you are such close friends wouldn't it be a giggle 'bloody hell, I can't do the sodding zip up' etc.

specialsubject · 05/02/2013 14:44

dress sizing is not standard, but it fits or it doesn't. Buying a dress to diet into is not terribly smart (as you realised) and if she is too big for it, that's how it is. Everyone knows if they've put on weight or not and it is only a fact.

swop the dress for one that has a chance of fitting. She should not have the label showing so who cares what it says on that?

Hammy02 · 05/02/2013 14:45

She will know she has put on weight so it won't be a surprise to her if you say something. If it were me, I'd rather it was resolved now rather than having the embarrassment of not being able to get into the dress on the day.

calandarbear · 05/02/2013 14:48

I would just have it adjusted and an extra panel put in the back if she doesn't manage it. This is what we had to do for me at my cousins wedding when she bought me a size 12 dress because my nan tild her I was about a 10 and in actual fact I am a 16

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