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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to buy my bridesmaid a bigger dress?

44 replies

HeartsAndBows · 05/02/2013 14:24

I'm slightly worried how this will go (judging by another thread) but here goes.

I am getting married in July, we have decided on and bought the dresses for the bridesmaids (having three).

One of my bridesmaids is a size 12 and she asked that I buy her a size 10 as she said she was going to lose weight for the wedding (this was back in September). I didn't really want to and wish I hadn't but I did.

We have both been busy lately and not seen each other very much and met up last night for dinner, and without sounding horribly rude - she has put on weight.

I don't want to offend her, but I was thinking about either trying to exchange the dress for a larger one or because I bought it a while ago just buy a size 14 instead. They are bringing in new collections soon so the dress would probably need to be bought soon before it gets discontinued.

It's obviously much easier to have a dress altered and be made smaller than it would be to make it bigger.

I love my friend and I don't want to upset her by saying she's put weight on etc.

Should I just buy the bigger dress?

OP posts:

nickelbabe · 05/02/2013 14:50

i think you should get the bigger size and say you'll have them altered.

take the label out so she won't know what size it is
then have them all try on the dresses for the best fit.

take the size labels out of all of them.

dreamingbohemian · 05/02/2013 14:52

How about sending an email round to all the bridesmaids saying: I've just found out they're discontinuing the dress, so if anyone has any last minute concerns about the style or how it fit or anything else, let me know right away so we can adjust the order.

Then really, leave it up to your friend. She has four months to lose the weight. If she doesn't it will be up to her to find a solution, to have it altered in some way. She's hardly going to show up bursting out of it, she'll figure it out.

fluffyraggies · 05/02/2013 14:53

So she tried on the 12 when you were all together and ....

Was it a snug fit and she still wanted a 10?
Or a good fit and she wanted a 10?

If you really think she is now not only NOT a 12 but in fact a 14 then i would agree that she needs a try on asap. Tell her you are asking everyone for a try on at this point if it helps.

Asking for a smaller size than you are and the putting on weight is norty!

MaxPepsi · 05/02/2013 15:22

Why would you swap the labels?? She obviously knows she isnt a size 10.........it may ultimately do her a favour.

I wouldn't, I also wouldn't have bought and paid for a dress that didn't fit my Bridesmaids at the time. I also wouldn't have got them so early before the wedding either. But that isn't going to help Hearts.

Changing/cutting out labels might be an option if the direct route isn't going to work

Elkieb · 05/02/2013 15:26

I'd cut out the label and keep quiet!

Pandemoniaa · 05/02/2013 15:30

This. If everybody gets the email, nobody needs to feel singled out. Also, it genuinely is the last chance that the OP has to change the dresses.

LadyWellian · 05/02/2013 15:30

What size are the other bridesmaids (and indeed the other dresses)? Could you do a bit of juggling?

RuleBritannia · 05/02/2013 15:41

Don't cut out the labels before trying on. If you do, you won't be able to return them if they are the wrong size, will you?

hellsbellsmelons · 05/02/2013 15:43

She's a friend and it's your wedding day. Stop pussy footing around and have a chat with her about it.
If she's put on weight she will admit it.

Then she has to decide whether she will be a size 10 or not.
If she still wants to be a size 10 then you need to help her and maybe have a twice monthly weigh in to ensure she is losing the weight. It may be just the motivation she needs.
It would be terrible if she couldn't be a bridesmaid or if she looked awful on the day. Take control and good luck!

nickelbabe · 05/02/2013 15:55

Rule - i was thinking unpicking them and then sewing them back on if they were wrong.

moonbells · 05/02/2013 15:55

I was told by one of my bm that she was a 16/18 according to the clothes she usually wore. I bought an 18 pattern. I then asked if I could take measurements and by the sizing on the packet, she came out a 22 so off I went to buy another pattern. Sadly I couldn't get any more material (I'd bought the right amount for the 18) and it took days of serious pattern shifting about (and relief that bridesmaid2 was a 10 so had spare fabric) before I could get it to fit.

I'd say never go by what someone says they are.

EuroShagmore · 05/02/2013 16:07

Buy the bigger size and keep it in case. Flog the one that isn't worn on ebay.

TheCatIsEatingIt · 05/02/2013 16:59

What size are you and how bridesmaidy is the dress? Could you buy a 14 and say you liked it so much you bought one for yourself, but of course Bridesmaid would be welcome to borrow it if hers didn't fit on the day...?

thebody · 05/02/2013 17:07

Well it's either,

' Oy 'Jane' for fucks sake stop stuffing your face as you told me you were going to fit into a size 10 dress and its going to burst as you walk up the isle and spoil my wedding'.

Or,

Phone Jane and tell her that you need her to try in the dress to check for a final fitting. If it doesn't fit then change it. It's your wedding after all. If you do it between the two of you then she won't be upset.

ValiumQueen · 05/02/2013 17:11

My SIL was my bridesmaid, and said she was a 12. I doubted this, asked her mother to check, yes, a 12. I bought a 12. Barely fitted one thigh, cue one stroppy SIL. She ended up with a size 22 with minor adjusting. It was floor length on her, when it was meant to be ballerina.

How about a dress rehearsal a fortnight before the wedding so you have time to adjust plans?

chickydoo · 05/02/2013 17:29

Just buy her next size up, take the 19 back then cut out the 12/14 label.
If it ends up being too big, then can be made smaller.

chickydoo · 05/02/2013 17:33

That was meant to be 10, size 19 would be a bit weird!

NeverQuiteSure · 05/02/2013 17:49

I'm surprised the dress shop let you order a smaller size. I went bridesmaid dress shopping 3 weeks after giving birth and all the shops we looked in said they'd have to either order my dress in my current size and have it altered or, if it was a dress they were confident wouldn't be discontinued, have me come in by myself nearer the date and have a second pre-order fitting. As it happened my friend chose dresses that weren't guaranteed to be available nearer the date and mine had to be pretty much rebuilt. Much better that than too small though.

If you have the dress then I would invite each of your BM's to over to your house to try on their dresses individually. When it doesn't fit be frank and ask her if she wants to spend the next 4 months in panic or go halves on a new dress.

ENormaSnob · 05/02/2013 17:58

I would get the 14.

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