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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is SIL? I think maybe it's me......

42 replies

MumVsKids · 04/02/2013 18:33

SIL gave birth to her first dc a few weeks ago.

She would like us to go and stay so we can meet dc. We have talked about dates and said we will go on a Saturday and come back Sunday (we have 3 DCs and its 140 miles away so too far for one day with three DCs)

That's all fine.

Now, I asked if it was ok for all five of us to go at the same time as my DCs can get a bit loud at times and maybe she won't want that with a newborn baby.
My DCs are 8, 3.5 and 9 months. 9 months is still bf at night and wakes 2-3 times.
She replied it is fine of course, as long as we can all squeeze into one room.

This is what has made me go Hmm

SIL and her DH live in a 5 bed detached house. One room has been turned into a nursery, which you would expect, and baby is still in Moses basket with them. This leaves 3 bedrooms, all with double beds free - of which we are allowed one for 5 of us.

With the best will in the world, we will not be able to squeeze 8yo and 3yo in between us and of course when dc3 wakes to be fed (if I can squeeze his travel cot in) we will no doubt end up with all 3 DCs awake :(

I've told DH I'm not bothered about going and will wait to meet baby until they come up. I said DH should go alone with our eldest DC.

So, is it me, or would it hurt her to let us use more than one spare room? It's not like I expect our DCs to be allowed to play in there, just to sleep is all.

OP posts:
ChaoticisasChaoticdoes · 04/02/2013 18:36

Is it possible she's planning on having her DP's/in-laws to stay at the same time. Get the visiting over and done with all in one go?

Original poster
MumVsKids · 04/02/2013 18:38

DHs parents live in the same town, mil went last week.

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 04/02/2013 18:39

You need to find out why she is insisting on that. Until we know, it's too hard to judge.

LunaticFringe · 04/02/2013 18:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

betterwhenthesunshines · 04/02/2013 18:41

Or maybe she just can't face all the extra sheet washing etc for just one night. Can you offer to take your own bedding / promise you will make the beds AND cook them supper that night?

I wouldn't want to host 5 people with a new born to look after, but would love to see family if they looked after themselves!

jkklpu · 04/02/2013 18:42

Is siL your DH's sister? If so, get him to ask.

NotMostPeople · 04/02/2013 18:43

Just call her back and say something like Oh sorry I was distracted when we talked earlier, did you say we'd have to squeeze into one room? Then if she says yes again, although she should get the hint then you can ask if they other spare rooms are being used. She's family, you should be able to ask.

catus · 04/02/2013 18:46

YANBU. No way would I go under the circumstances.
I'm sure the baby is cute and everything but it can't be worth it!
If your SIL is a reasonable person, she'll understand you don't want to put yourself and your kids through this. I know I would.

Original poster
MumVsKids · 04/02/2013 18:47

She's not given us a reason at all.

Previously when we have stayed we have used two (sometimes three) rooms.

DH has asked if we can hook our caravan up to their electricity so he and dc1 can sleep in there with the radiator on and we'll have more room, but they have a bigger car now and our car and caravan won't fit on their drive now. No on road parking either as its a busy A road.

OP posts:
Original poster
MumVsKids · 04/02/2013 18:49

I hadn't thought about the washing, but we usually take sleeping bags with us anyway for the DCs, and her mil does all their laundry, always has done AFAIK.

OP posts:
JamieandtheMagicTorch · 04/02/2013 18:49

It sounds very unreasonavle on her part. You need to ask why

BigGiantCowWithAKnockKnockTail · 04/02/2013 18:49

Can't you stay with your PILs? It would make it easier on SIL.

nefertarii · 04/02/2013 18:53

She obviously has reasons so until you know them and then tell us, no one can tell you who is unreasonable.

OHforDUCKScake · 04/02/2013 18:54

If it was me it'd be simple. I wouldnt go.

It simple isnt possible. I have two children and unless there was a camp bed for the eldest then it just wouldnt happen.

How odd.

AThingInYourLife · 04/02/2013 18:58

She's having a laugh.

Just don't go.

dreamingofsun · 04/02/2013 19:02

maybe she means all your kids can fit in one room?

Original poster
MumVsKids · 04/02/2013 19:03

It's not our PILs, it's SILs PILs who live close by, we've met them once at SILs wedding.

DH is going to call her again, but there has been no reason given so far, even when asked if we can bring the caravan.

What's making me a bit annoyed though, is that when they come up to stay with us, obviously before their DC was born, we happily moved out of our room, with dc3 and slept downstairs on the sofas with DC in his pram, just so they could have a proper bed and their own room.

I'm not asking them to move out of their room though, in fact I'm not asking them to move anything, just let us use more than one of their 3 spare rooms.

The upsetting thing is, SIL is DHs closest sibling, in that he gets on with her the best, but I can really see this having the potential to drive a wedge between them. They did have words before Xmas, and I thought the air was clear, as did DH, but maybe it's not as clear as we thought. (I'm not meaning to drip feed btw, I'm perfectly happy to accept its me BU)

DH and I are now considering that this is SILs way of making sure we don't all go at once, without actually saying so.
She must realise it will be a massive squash, even for just one night?

OP posts:
Original poster
MumVsKids · 04/02/2013 19:04

I did wonder that dreaming but her text said very clearly, as long as we can all squeeze in one room it's fine.

OP posts:
Sashapineapple · 04/02/2013 19:04

Just call her and say you won't be able to all fit in one room so the older kids will need a different room.

Original poster
MumVsKids · 04/02/2013 19:05

We have little camp beds we can take with us for our two DCs and a travel cot for dc3 (we're not allowed to use their travel cot as its only for their baby) but it will never all fit into the room.

OP posts:
BigGiantCowWithAKnockKnockTail · 04/02/2013 19:06

Sorry, misread.

goodygumdrops · 04/02/2013 19:07

Can you DC sleep on floor for one night? We would have as kids.

Original poster
MumVsKids · 04/02/2013 19:08

It's DH who needs to do the calling, it's his Dsis so he can sort it I think!

If I do indeed find out the whys and wheres of only being allowed one room, I shall let you know!!! :)

OP posts:
dinkystinky · 04/02/2013 19:10

Just get DH to call SIL to say with the travel cot all 5 of you will not fit in the same room.

Original poster
MumVsKids · 04/02/2013 19:12

Would happily let the DCs sleep on the floor, there just isn't the room to do it and the travel cot as well.

OP posts: