Or is SIL? I think maybe it's me......

[MumVsKids]

SIL gave birth to her first dc a few weeks ago.

She would like us to go and stay so we can meet dc. We have talked about dates and said we will go on a Saturday and come back Sunday (we have 3 DCs and its 140 miles away so too far for one day with three DCs)

That's all fine.

Now, I asked if it was ok for all five of us to go at the same time as my DCs can get a bit loud at times and maybe she won't want that with a newborn baby.
My DCs are 8, 3.5 and 9 months. 9 months is still bf at night and wakes 2-3 times.
She replied it is fine of course, as long as we can all squeeze into one room.

This is what has made me go

SIL and her DH live in a 5 bed detached house. One room has been turned into a nursery, which you would expect, and baby is still in Moses basket with them. This leaves 3 bedrooms, all with double beds free - of which we are allowed one for 5 of us.

With the best will in the world, we will not be able to squeeze 8yo and 3yo in between us and of course when dc3 wakes to be fed (if I can squeeze his travel cot in) we will no doubt end up with all 3 DCs awake :(

I've told DH I'm not bothered about going and will wait to meet baby until they come up. I said DH should go alone with our eldest DC.

So, is it me, or would it hurt her to let us use more than one spare room? It's not like I expect our DCs to be allowed to play in there, just to sleep is all.

Maybe it's tidying 2 or 3 rooms for one night, maybe it's that she doesn't want your kids up and around in the night? Maybe she wants everyone in one room furthest form them due to noise. Maybe she really just wants people to wait a bit before visiting for privacy but doesn't knwo how to say it.

Maybe a lot of reasons, if she is normally reasonable, I would just accept it as is

The more you post, the more "difficult" she sounds. You're not allowed to use the travel cot, she doesn't give you a reason for her strange request...
No way should you feel obligated to go!
You sound nice, you're trying to be understanding, but surely anyone can see it's an awkward request?

That's where we are at dinky

We have decided that if we can only use one room, then I will stay at home with youngest two and DH will take dc1 with him and just go for the day - it's only because 280 miles in one day is a lot for a 3yo and a 9mth old, but dc1 will cope with it just fine.

Seems to me she is uninviting you!

She would know you cant fit 5 people in one double bed. I bet she is overwhelmed and regrets the invitation.

just text back and ask why one room have they other visitors and would they prefer you visit at a different time. madness when they have the space... mind you my mum lives 250 miles away, my db lives inthe same town, she has a small house with one double and a single, when we visit as a whole family my DS 2 sleeps on the floor or sofa and db with his huge 4 bed house and all kids at uni or work away NEVER once has said oh stay with us.

maybe others are staying too? Can you get DH to ring and ask if you can have two rooms even if one of them is the dining room?

Why not just ask her why she wants you all in one room?

It sounds to me like she doesn't want you all to visit but doesn't want to be the bad guy.

If that's not it, I'm intrigued to know her reasoning on you all having to share.

FWIW, I won't share a room with my kids so YANBU. Could you stretch to a hotel for you and the baby, leaving DH to sleep at the house with the older two?

She is normally very reasonable, and laid back and will bend over backwards to accommodate us.

I said to her directly before she had DC that she would find it difficult having lots of people in the house while she was trying to get bf established and find some kind of a routine as well as being sleep deprived. I have given her "get out" options, by telling her I can get my dps to look after the eldest two overnight while me DH and dc3 go and meet baby, but she has said she wants them all to meet their new cousin.

The more I post, the more I think it is me and I should just accept what she is saying. She is usually very easy going, and maybe she is finding it harder than she thought she would with a newborn.

I think it may be best if I find a reason to not visit when planned, and just send DH anyway. Without making her feel bad, I could just say one of the DCs is ill and I don't want to pass anything on to newborn, so I'm staying home but DH will come?

I am desperate to meet new baby, I love babies! I don't want to put pressure on her though. :)

Yes, maybe she is overwhelmed and is trying to uninvite you without hurting your feelings. Although it seems a strange way to do it, I have to say. Especially as you made sure your whole family wouldn't be too much for her and her newborn.

Maybe you left mess/broke things in the rooms last time you visited? This could be her form of damage control.

I'd looked at hotels earlier, but the cheapest I can get is £65 per night, which I just haven't got at the moment.

I don't want her to feel like the bad guy either, or under pressure from us to accommodate us all, so will suggest to DH that he goes with dc1 (who will appreciate the new baby) and me and the two youngest DCs will meet new baby at a later date.

Not that I'm aware of fakebook - if we had, she would have said something.

Just text her and say "Too many for one room will send DH with DC1 and we visit later." and see what she says.
Probably baby brain, I made my friends bring their own duvets when they came to visit shortly after DS was born. To be fair DH was away that weekend and I was surviving on about 3 hrs sleep per night.

What Catus said.

Maybe she has got the painters in?