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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not get by gay marriage is such a contentious issue

65 replies

Ponderingonaquandry · 03/02/2013 10:55

I don't get why it's anyone else's business what other couples get up to. People are people and all couples should be able to have the same access to ceremonies of union. Why is it such a big deal?

OP posts:

MechanicalTheatre · 03/02/2013 23:08

It's a similar issue to abortion for me. If you don't want it, don't have it.

I like Maryz's suggestion of introducing civil partnerships for straight couples and letting the church get on with what they want to. They are becoming increasingly irrelevant anyway.

ScarletLady02 · 03/02/2013 23:10

Saw this on Facebook the other day....pretty much sums it up for me

underthemountainbunker.com/2011/02/23/pie-chart-consequences-of-gay-marriage/

IThinkOfHappyWhenIThinkOfYou · 03/02/2013 23:17

The problem with introducing civil partnership for everyone is that no matter how much the 'no' campaign tells us that civil partnership is equal to marriage, people who have had lovely expensive weddings in hotels and call themselves married and call each other husband and wife are not going to suddenly call themselves civilly partnered as it is a perceived downgrade and all those home counties tory voters are not going to want to accept that their children are going to be excluded from marriage on the grounds of atheism.

Pilgit · 03/02/2013 23:20

We have a bit of a unique situation in the UK in that the church (i.e. anglican church) and the state are intertwined when it comes to matters such as this and the 'state' cannot change the definition of 'marriage' without the church changing its view on it. A state 'marriage' is no different in legal effect to a civil partnership. The CP is a way of not addressing the religious issue that exists.

According to Christianity 'marriage' is a union of one man and one woman for the procreation of children. Whatever anyone's views on homosexuality the procreation of children cannot come from 2 people of the same sex (they can, however adopt and love children in the same profound way as any other parent but they cannot create a life together - yet, science I am sure will get there one day). So Marriage - as the church (and therefore state in this country) see it cannot be between 2 people of the same sex. However, and this is a point that I have not seen a response to - why does the church marry people over the age of procreation? why does the church marry 2 people who openly intend never to have children? If the procreation of children is integral to the meaning of 'marriage' why are these things allowed? It would be severe - but otherwise the view is inconsistent.

Personally, I believe 'marriage' is a union of 2 people united in love. My mother - a devout catholic - has often pondered how can God and the church seriously condemn 2 people who are committed to each other and love each other in every sense of the word. I believe christianity needs to re-evaluate marriage and what it actually is. But I also strongly believe it should re-evaluate homosexuality as I cannot see my gay friends as in any way wrong and I refuse to believe that the love they have is wrong.

greenpostit · 03/02/2013 23:21

I think that all weddings in a registry office should be marriages, regardless of the sex or either or both of the people getting married. Leave the church to do whatever they want. If they only want to marry straight people, then whatever. But if all reg office stuff was marriage and all marriages were equal legally then that would be fine IMO. I can't understand why the issue is at all contentious and it is really horrifying that we are in the year 2013 and we won't allow gay marriage to be the same as straight marriage. There must be some serious bigotry and discrimination going on and it's borderline criminal IMO. I actually don't understand or see the problem with this issue at all and can't even see what there is to discuss.

greenpostit · 03/02/2013 23:24

That pie chart is funny scarletlady02

GailTheGoldfish · 04/02/2013 08:04

It makes me wonder why we have any equality laws if it is possible for institutions to opt out of them - either everyone is equal and afforded the same rights or nobody is. However I know it is more complicated than that in RL and many institutions say it is an infringement of their rights to have to conduct ceremonies with which they fundementally disagree. But I cannot see how the two lesbians down the road being married makes any one else less married - there isn't a finite amount of marriage to go round. I don't believe the church should have as much influence as it does in law making. I was glad to see Obama speaking about this issue in his inaugural speech and hope that our leadership will stand up and do the same.

eslteacher · 04/02/2013 08:07

IThinkOf - here in France, civil partnership is open to both hetero and homosexual couples, and plenty of straight couples choose to have it rather than marriage. I think there are more hetero civil partnerships than gay ones iirc.

But to me incidentally, I think the answer is to have civil partnership AND civil marriage open to all. After that, what each church wants to do is its own business but I would hope that over time many would come round to marrying gay couples.

Oh, and I totally agree with the fundamental question of the thread: WHAT exactly do the 'anti' faction think is going to happen if/when gay marriage is allowed? How exactly is it supposed yo damage society or devalue marriage? I don't get it.

eslteacher · 04/02/2013 08:09

IThinkOf - just reread your post, and think you're right though in saying that many of those who are already 'married' aren't going to want to change to being 'civilly partnered'...

cumfy · 04/02/2013 12:58

Till death do us part

It's all a bit of a scam though isn't it ?
I think the only people who are that bothered have a strong religious bias.

cumfy · 04/02/2013 13:00

See, emoticons don't want to marry quotes; they're not bothered.

Itsjustafleshwound · 04/02/2013 13:37

It just bugs me how the Bible is used to exclude and justify abominable behaviour - the NG Church in SA used passages from the Bible to actually justify apartheid - that somehow because it is someone's belief it mst be revered and respected

If you are of the opinion that somehow your marriage is being questioned because the same legal recognition is given to a homosexual couple, then you need to rearrange your prejudices.

yanbu

CoteDAzur · 04/02/2013 13:39

YANBU.

Pigsmummy · 04/02/2013 13:53

Heterosexual and homosexual couples can have a civil partnership if they want, it is binding and legal.

However "marriage" is a religious and legal act. Therefore different and as such the churches should be left to govern this, let them decide who they want to marry and don't (the church can refuse to marry heterosexual couples too). Seeing Women and gay men become clergy is a great step forward, let's see what the church do with marriage but let's leave it to the church to work out and let the politicians focus on trying to bring this country out of recession?

iloveham · 23/09/2019 17:42

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