Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not get by gay marriage is such a contentious issue

65 replies

Ponderingonaquandry · 03/02/2013 10:55

I don't get why it's anyone else's business what other couples get up to. People are people and all couples should be able to have the same access to ceremonies of union. Why is it such a big deal?

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 03/02/2013 11:32

I think that the state should provide a ceremony and call it what they will. The Christian church at the present time from where I see it says marriage is between one man and one woman. And that is fair and it is what I was brought up to believe. I think all partnerships made legal by the state should be the same. That is not civil partnership for gay couples and marriage for others.

lunar1 · 03/02/2013 11:35

Im with you OP, i cant possibly understand how it affects anyone but the 2 consenting adults who are marrying.

BadLad · 03/02/2013 11:37

There are arguments against gay marriage. The slippery slope argument (now that we can marry our own gender, our kids will be marrying house pets), the argument that giving equal rights to gays somehow legitimises homosexuality and means kids in future are more likely to be gay as society condones it, and the belief that society had higher moral standards when being gay was illegal, or at least frowned upon, for example. And that it cheapens / redefines / ruins marriage for hetero couples. All actual arguments I've heard, I'm afraid.

I don't agree with any of them, but I understand that it is contentious for some people.

Maryz · 03/02/2013 11:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AKissIsNotAContract · 03/02/2013 11:39

What Maryz said^^

I'd prefer to have a civil partnership than a marriage but it's not an option for M/F couples.

Startail · 03/02/2013 11:39

The person I know is OK with gay couples making a commitment, but wonders if it isn't a strange set up to bring up a child.

Personally I think two supportive parents, regardless of gender, is better than an isolated single parent with no support.

Financially and emotionally, society is designed for couples.

Affording a house, looking after the child if one parent is ill, having any kind of a work life balance, two adults who love each other and want to work together are better than one.

(Clearly two adults who fight and use child care and domestic duties as weapons are not.)

Maryz · 03/02/2013 11:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 03/02/2013 11:41

Because people are closed minded and weird. Personally I couldn't give a flying who or what you marry.

BadLad · 03/02/2013 11:44

The bit about pets is stupid.

I couldn't agree more, but my uncle actually said that when giving his opinion on the matter.

I don't think anyone on this thread wants to deny gay people or heterosexual people any of the things you mentioned, but rather they are saying some of the things they have heard in opposition to gay marriage.

pumpkinsweetie · 03/02/2013 11:49

I believe all people, regardless of sexual orientation should be allowed the same choices in life.
The Church needs to move with the times.

Some hetrosexuals choose not to have children or to continually divorce & enter new marriages without a thought so i can't see why the church cannot allow gays & lesbians when they allow the aboveBlush

forgetmenots · 03/02/2013 12:00

YANBU, it amazes me when people decide they should get to legislate on the personal lives of consenting adults.

YorkshireDeb · 03/02/2013 12:03

I could be wrong but I'm sure I read that statistically a gay couple are more likely to stay together long term ie commit to a civil partnership for life, than a heterosexual couple. And this is something I thought the church valued & encouraged - forsaking all others, Til death do us part & all that. I like the suggestion made earlier that anyone should be able to have a civil partnership & it not necessarily be a symbol of sexual union. X

KatieScarlett2833 · 03/02/2013 12:39

Why can't people love who they please and marry how they want to?The only good thing about this unnecessary row is how bad it is making organised religion zealots look.

Veritate · 03/02/2013 12:45

"Is it only Christian marriages though that are having this discussion? Would Islamic, Hindu, Jewish gay couples have the right to marry in Britain?"

No, it doesn't only relate to Christian marriages. The idea is that gay people of any religion or none will be able to marry. However, it will not be compulsory for any individual church to offer marriage ceremonies for gay people.

BertieBotts · 03/02/2013 12:50

Sexual orientation isn't a choice and I'm astounded that anyone thinks it's ok to condone this viewpoint in 2013. Might make children more likely to be gay? Angry fuck off. Might make gay children growing up more comfortable with the person that they are, perhaps? This is a GOOD thing.

It just smacks to me of status. "We are doing the right thing by getting married, if those other wrong people get married, then it taints it! They can't be allowed to act as though they're the same as us!"

If anyone suggested that marriage was solely the preserve of white people and black people shouldn't be allowed to get married, as though they're white, everyone would think that was ridiculous. Nobody would condone that view by saying "Well, other people have different beliefs."

ConferencePear · 03/02/2013 12:53

I have what I think is a simple solution.
Everyone has a civil marriage, a bit like the present civil partnership or register office wedding, which is legally binding.
Anyone who wants to have a religious marriage according to their own religion may do so according to the rules of that religion.
This seems simple and obvious to me.
Am I missing something ?

SanityClause · 03/02/2013 13:04

That's what Maryz said, upthread, Pear and I agree that it's a sensible solution.

In the past, of course, it made sense for the clergy to do marrying as there was one in every parish, and a lot of what they did was obviously administrative, as well as the religious aspect.

ComposHat · 03/02/2013 14:39

I know... if you don't agree with gay marriage. Don't marry someone of the same gender. It isn't compulsory.

There are loads of people that I would rather stick a rusty nail in my eye than marry, but it doesn't mean I should stop them marrying other people.

Sallyingforth · 03/02/2013 22:46

prettykitty
Just to be clear, I said there was a 'perceived change'.
I didn't say or mean that was my own view.

BillericayDickie · 03/02/2013 22:50

yanbu I am so glad I am not the only one who does not get it

MumOfAPickle · 03/02/2013 22:59

I don't get it either. Me & Dh were talking about this earlier and usually he likes to argue with me just to get my rant going but with this he couldn't come up with anything remotely reasonable for why people would care. It's not even like marriage is a religious thing. We're married, had a wedding, I'm a wife, he's a husband etc and it's naff all to do with the church and never has been, so why should it be any of their business for a same sex couple? Ridiculous.

seeker · 03/02/2013 23:01

I don't get it either. As someone said,if you don't like same sex marriage, don't marry someone the same sex as you!

germyrabbit · 03/02/2013 23:02

nope don't get it either. of all the awful things this government have done the one thing that get's the members riled is gay marriage.

stuff hospital closures/cuts to services/reduction of benefits to the most needy, nope gay marriage gets them worked up enough to want to resign

sums it up really doesn't it

SirIronBottom · 03/02/2013 23:03

Politicians should learn to stay out of the bedroom. There is no earthly reason why it shouldn't be legal, and why we should still be pandering to a minority of vocal fuckheads. Most people support same sex marriage.

IThinkOfHappyWhenIThinkOfYou · 03/02/2013 23:06

If anyone is interested, Nigel Mills MP (con) has a poll on his website as he wishes to be better informed ahead of the vote.

This morning 'yes' was 51%, but it's a Sunday and churches have been asking people to vote 'no' so now it's 49%

nigelmillsmp/equal-marriage-poll