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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To cover my scars for a job interview?

54 replies

TheSeventhHorcrux · 02/02/2013 20:21

I've just outed myself on another thread about this so I thought I may as well now settle a concern I've had for a while.

When I was 16 my boyfriend of the time encouraged me to self-harm in order to relieve Depression. He himself was an avid self-harmer, had drawn pictures of razor blades and stuck them round his bedroom and wrote poetry about self-harm (I know, I know)
it started with scissors but quickly progressed to razor blades and continued for about 3 or 4 years.
As a result I have some horrific scarring on my thighs but more concerningly lines after lines of scars on my left arm. They are now white but still fairly easy to see. There are more than 250 in total.

My current boyfriend is unperturbed and a few close friends know but I feel I should cover them for formal occasions particularly job interviews and events where I meet new people. This is obviously difficult in summer.

AIBU to assume that people will immediately pull on their judgey pants the moment they see me?

A note: the scars are old, I kicked the addiction a long time ago

OP posts:

OpheliasWeepingWillow · 02/02/2013 20:23

I'd cover them simply because you want them to know about your ability to do the job and not get distracted by anything else. And once in job show arms regardless.

CombineBananaFister · 02/02/2013 20:30

I work in recruitment and it wouldn't bother me but I guess it depends on the type of job you are going for. Our interview process is based within strict parameters and role play so I would be concentrating more on your answers than appearance. I'm a nice recruiter though and believe in meritocracy I imagine it would cause some people to judge (especially if it is a customer facing role) but remember they may still see them once you start work if the uniform doesn't cover you. For some jobs it might be seen as strength of character that you've overcome it, unfortunatley in some it will be seen as possible baggage even if legally it shouldn't-people can be dicksheads.

ThePigOfHappiness · 02/02/2013 20:35

I have terrible scars on my arms, outer and inner from an accident as a child. I never deliberately cover them, but find I wear big bangles or watches that cover the worst of them at my wrist. Mine are big and thick and pink, though much reduced from what they were, they are very noticeable.
I have found that most people don't ask about scars until you've known them for a few weeks, but if you will be uncomfortable about the possibility of questions then it's totally fine to cover them.

HollyBerryBush · 02/02/2013 20:38

Wont your suit jacket cover them anyway?

Tee2072 · 02/02/2013 20:39

You need to do whatever you need to do to feel confident. If that means covering the scars, cover them.

AMumInScotland · 02/02/2013 20:39

I don't think that people will immediately be judgey about it, but it's likely to be one of the things they notice and remember about you if the scars are visible. If you'd rather not have to start explaining things, or worry about what they may be thinking if they don't ask, then it might be worth covering them up at first.

If I was interviewing and saw them, I'd probably worry that it might a sign of an ongoing issue, but I wouldn't feel able to ask you about it in the interview. It would then be on my mind when I compared candidates.

Lostonthemoors · 02/02/2013 20:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EuroShagmore · 02/02/2013 20:41

TBH I can't think what you would wear that was suitable for an interview in February that would show thigh or arm scars.

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 02/02/2013 20:42

I would say that you need to wear something that will give you confidence and let you "show yourself" at your best during the interview. If you're worrying about what the interviewers are thinking about some aspect of your physical appearance, you will be on edge/nervous, and won't be at your best.
If long sleeves or a jacket or whatever it takes makes you feel better, puts your mind at rest, and gives you confidence, that can only be a good thing. When we feel good and know we look nice, we can be ourselves and that's what the interviewers want - they want to see you at your best, so they can decide if you are the right person for the job.
Good Luck :)

mrsjay · 02/02/2013 20:42

If you really dont want to explain them or feel uncomfortable about them then cover them with a long sleeve or jacket, your employers cant discrimnate because of disfigurement they cant even ask you what they are ? but if you dont feel confident then cover them there is a make up you can buy to cover them, but i cant remember what it is called,

downloadfestival · 02/02/2013 20:43

I have old scars from a history of self-harm too. I mostly cover mine, especially when meeting new people (I have collected quite a wardrobe of long-sleeved shirts/dresses). I think people can be judgey, or sometimes they're just curious, but I don't feel comfortable addressing questions about them if I don't know the person well. In professional situations, and in my role as a parent (e.g. at school events) I continue to keep my arms covered, even when I've known the people for quite a while. But I always tend to keep my personal and professional life as separate as I can, in any case.

I don't think it will be too difficult to hide, even in the summer. There are quite a lot of smart tops/blouses with semi-sheer sleeves so it doesn't look ridiculously covered even in hot weather.

PavlovtheCat · 02/02/2013 20:43

I agree that if covering them will give you the confidence to concentrate on the interview itself and not feel conscious of the scars then cover them. But only so that you can give your 100% on the interview and know you did your best. Not because you should feel embarrassed, ashamed or worried about what they might think.

PavlovtheCat · 02/02/2013 20:44

and, tbh, I always where a suit jacket, summer or not, as it gives me confidence, makes me feel professional (ha!)

PavlovtheCat · 02/02/2013 20:45

(for interviews, not every day whatever I'm doing!)

SavoyCabbage · 02/02/2013 20:45

I would cover them because you do wear more formal clothes for interviews. It's going to be 36 when I go for an interview next week but I will be wearing sleeves and trousers or tights.

AgentZigzag · 02/02/2013 20:46

I would at a job interview, but not because of being ashamed of them or anything, but like Ophilias says, just so they didn't communicate anything with the prospective employer before they could get to know me.

I know that'd be their problem, but it's a cruel world and if you didn't get the job because of it, it would be your problem.

But re-reading your OP, you say your friends say you should cover them even meeting other people for the first time.

Now, TABU to say that to you. Job interview - meeting people throughout your life - completely different, if people don't like the person you are they can fuck right off look the other way.

Does it bother you your 'close friends' feel like that about you? What kind of situation did that advice come about in?

mrsbunnylove · 02/02/2013 20:48

if you'll cover them at work, cover them for the interview. if not, don't.

scottishmummy · 02/02/2013 20:50

if it makes you feel more confident,more focussed yes,so youre not distracted
in same way id recommend clothes and make you you feel comfortable in
once in post entirely up to you,and good luck with interview

LondonInHighHeeledBoots · 02/02/2013 20:55

I personally would cover them for an interview, or social 'event' - hanging round a friends house is different! I always keep mine covered - my arms never really scarred luckily but I always wear shorts when swimming and will never ever wear a bikini as I look like wickerwork or coarse linen from pant to bra. I won't share changing rooms with people I don't know really well either - I get changed in the loos at the gym.

They don't bother me per se, but I do worry about the judgy pants, and people lie when they say they won't judge!! They might not mean to but they do, and I know it has cost me in the past.

Thin gauzy sleeves are your summer friend, how far down your thighs are we talking? BioOil is great for scars if you are looking to shift them too, has made a difference to mine. An people often just don't notice if they are not looking for them. Took DP 3 months to notice that I look like a screen door!

Callthemidlife · 02/02/2013 20:58

I interview all the time. I wouldn't be judgy but I would be curious, and I might be thinking about the scars instead of intently listening to you. For that reason I'd advise you to cover up for interview. You want them to focus on who you are now, not wonder about what life experiences you have been through.

PureQuintessence · 02/02/2013 21:00

What job positions do you apply for where it would be appropriate to even turn up for the interview with bare arms and thighs?

Back2Two · 02/02/2013 21:05

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns

pixwix · 02/02/2013 21:05

Also - the Red Cross - I think - know where to get make up and coverage for people with scars - am sure thats the case - that might be a solution if you feel self conscious, and don't want to wear long sleeves...

Most of us have baggage of one type or another - some of it is more visible than others. At an interview you might need to feel more focussed on the questions and the job, rather than worrying about how they might perceive long -gone extraneous stuff.

Good Luck with your interview!

IvorWindybottom · 02/02/2013 21:07

I would cover up. I stopped cutting over ten yrs ago and have not worn a T shirt or short sleeved shirt for over 20 yrs. You have brought back lots of memories with this thread.

iliketea · 02/02/2013 21:14

YANBU to cover them for an interview if it will make you feel more confident. But, as someone said upthread, if you are going for a job where you will need to have a uniform that doesn't hid then, then you need to be prepared to be asked about them if you get the job.

e.g I'm a nurse, arms have to be uncovered to at least the elbow for infection control, and the patient group I work with (mostly elderly people) would not hesitate to ask about visible scars. (gross generalisation, but i hope you understand what I mean). As a manager, I would't care less as long as you were the best candidate.

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