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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cover my scars for a job interview?

54 replies

TheSeventhHorcrux · 02/02/2013 20:21

I've just outed myself on another thread about this so I thought I may as well now settle a concern I've had for a while.

When I was 16 my boyfriend of the time encouraged me to self-harm in order to relieve Depression. He himself was an avid self-harmer, had drawn pictures of razor blades and stuck them round his bedroom and wrote poetry about self-harm (I know, I know)
it started with scissors but quickly progressed to razor blades and continued for about 3 or 4 years.
As a result I have some horrific scarring on my thighs but more concerningly lines after lines of scars on my left arm. They are now white but still fairly easy to see. There are more than 250 in total.

My current boyfriend is unperturbed and a few close friends know but I feel I should cover them for formal occasions particularly job interviews and events where I meet new people. This is obviously difficult in summer.

AIBU to assume that people will immediately pull on their judgey pants the moment they see me?

A note: the scars are old, I kicked the addiction a long time ago

OP posts:
BumpingFuglies · 02/02/2013 21:16

YANBU to assume the judgy-pants will be hoiked. But it's your choice to show your scars or not. My job means I wear short sleeves, so my scars are on display all the time. When I got the job I didn't show them.

Most of us have baggage of one type or another - some of it is more visible than others. At an interview you might need to feel more focussed on the questions and the job, rather than worrying about how they might perceive long -gone extraneous stuff.

^ this. Wise, pixwix

beamme · 02/02/2013 21:19

I cover mine for interviews. I only have them on my forearms and a 3/4 length sleeve does the job. I am not ashamed of my scars but I don't want people to make a snap judgement. However I do wear short sleeves and vests in summer and have never really had any friends/colleagues ask or even mention it. My scars are all over 15 years old and are white and faded.

scottishmummy · 02/02/2013 21:21

we all consider appearance,first impression for interviews
if covering up will make you feel calm,composed, do it
if you get the post, cross the what are they question as it crops up

ErikNorseman · 02/02/2013 21:25

I wouldn't have judgy pants on, but I would notice. And I'd possibly be distracted from what you were saying or the impression you were giving because I'd be aware of the scars and it would be on my mind.
Trust me, I wouldn't be judging, I have good friends who SHed as teenagers, and I've worked extensively with teens, many of whom self harm. I wouldn't be making assumptions, but it would be there, iyswim.
IMO, at interviews, you should be as neutral as possible. It's why I straighten my hair (read somewhere that curly hair looks less serious) and wear boring plain outfits. I'm happy to let my personality show when people know me, and respect me professionally, so if I swear, or say something a bit outrageous, or whatever, I'm fairly confident that I'm already established. I think that applies to obvious evidence of self harm too.

mumnotmachine · 02/02/2013 21:32

I would cover for interview, you dont need the judgement on first interview.
Maybe if you get called for second interview the maybe wear shorter sleeves.
No-one though should be judged on SH scars, but people do.
My scars are only on my thighs and legs as I never cut on my arms to the degree that would cause permanent scarring
You can still see the ones on my legs, but only if you look hard, but they are 25 years old.

Good luck with the interview!!!

mumnotmachine · 02/02/2013 21:32

That should be hips, stomach and legs..

Original poster
TheSeventhHorcrux · 02/02/2013 22:11

Just reading through. Just to clarify: scars on thighs no issue, won't be flashing any leg any time soon but arms an issue. Plus Im a Nanny so interviews usually too casual for a suit/blouse etc.
(also puts be most likely in the category where people are going to be concerned about my history)

OP posts:
Original poster
TheSeventhHorcrux · 02/02/2013 22:15

Overwhelmed by support here btw thank you all. was expecting to be flamed

OP posts:
HildaOgden · 02/02/2013 22:18

You won't be wearing short sleeves for an interview,regardless of whether it's for a Nannying position or Head of Marketing.It's just not done.I really don't see why you would even consider wearing short sleeves in an interview?Scars or not.

I find it strange,actually,that you're thinking of showing up in a T shirt (or whatever).It almost seems that you are deliberately showing off the scars?

iliketea · 02/02/2013 22:21

If I were employing a nanny (hypothetical!); I wouldn't be bothered about old scars, but I would wonder what you would tell children if they asked - I think yoinger ones just accept people as they are, but older children would ask where the scars came from (even if parent employers aren't worried about them).

Original poster
TheSeventhHorcrux · 02/02/2013 22:27

I've been in childcare for years and funnily enough no child has ever asked... I'm guessing they haven't noticed as some of them wouldn't hold back from asking questions.

I didn't realise it was faux-pas to wear short sleeves at an interview. I'm sure I've worn a dress with sleeves that didn't reach my elbow before. Eek! (it was summer and I just didn't think re:my arms)

I never thought about it being a "statement" showing my arms. I cover up more to avoid others feeling uncomfortable.

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 02/02/2013 22:28

Would it not cross you mind at all whether it was all in the past and were they now a 'stable' person, ilike?

Original poster
TheSeventhHorcrux · 02/02/2013 22:29

I'm afraid I would probably lie to a child. As a teenager I said I fell on some glass - crap but on the spot couldn't think of a better explanation. I wouldn't want to tell them the truth because, honestly, I wouldn't want to give them ideas. The boys I currently look after would probably use it as an excuse to hurt each other... Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
TheSeventhHorcrux · 02/02/2013 22:30

Agent zigzag - that's my concern.

OP posts:
ratspeaker · 02/02/2013 22:30

One of my Dcs was referred by GP to get scar covering "makeup", it was done through the local young Persons Unit
I cant remember the name off the top of my head though

I know Coloration and Veil do skin camouflage products

BridgetBidet · 02/02/2013 22:32

Yes, cover them. I have some and if you have them out it's highly likely they will judge you and decide that you are currently mentally ill or at least a high risk of taking significant amounts of time off work due to mental illness.

People don't understand them and it never computes that they might be old. It would be a very rare and understanding person who would overlook them to give you a job.

Original poster
TheSeventhHorcrux · 02/02/2013 22:33

I have the skin camouflage. More trouble than it's worth for me. Takes hours to apply properly and actually just draws more attention to my arm. Plus it can rub off on clothes etc.
But thanks Grin will look into bio oil though!

OP posts:
nikcname · 02/02/2013 22:45

I cover mine, been years since I've done it. If asked, usually by complete wankers, I say I had an accident as a child and don't like to discuss it. I know people don't believe it but prove me wrong.

Most people don't say anything, I've noticed scars on other people, I don't mention it because it is their business. If they wanted me to know then they would tell me.

Recently started a new job and a woman asked me in a loud, laughing kind of way and in front of lots of people. In spite of that I didn't ask why she didn't make more of an effort to cover the rather large birthmark on her head.

Why are people so mean?

nikcname · 02/02/2013 22:49

Bio oil is great it reduces redness and scars. Skin puckering and white marks still there.
Skin camo would be great if you are a make up artist, I can't do it well enough to hide rather than make my clothes orange!

SirBoobAlot · 02/02/2013 22:53

Do what you feel more comfortable with. I have cut and burns scars up my arms. In this weather I'm in long / three quarter sleeves anyway. In the summer I see how I am feeling. If you feel more confident wearing a long sleeve blouse, then do it. But don't feel you 'have' to.

scottishmummy · 02/02/2013 23:00

do your prep,do any appropriate reading, be calm
dress yourself in clothes you're happy in
and good luck

LynetteScavo · 02/02/2013 23:01

I think in a job interview you should look as neutral as possible in order to let your persnality/abilities shine though.

I know people who insist heir piercings are part of them, and want to show they have personality by dying a section of their hair purple, or point out they spent much or their childhood in care. But really, at interview stage none of that is necessary.

We all have personalities and past lives, and once in the job, sharing things about ourselves with colleagues may be a good thing, or on the other hand, depending on the environment, may not. Only you will be able to judge that. x

PavlovtheCat · 02/02/2013 23:03

Actually, thinking about it since you mentioned your job, if I were to interview you, and I saw your scars, I probably would mention it actually. I would probably judge, in that I would want to know if you were self-harming now - if I am going to be truthful, but not to the point of making any rash or negative decisions from my seeing them. I would ask you how you got your scars, how long ago, and I would expect a little honesty (not your life story, a simple explanation) and I might ask you how you would handle a conversation with the children. I think your response would impact on my decision rather than the scars, in the same way as your response to any other question I might want to ask.

In fact, I might want to know those things before hiring, than more awkwardly asking you after you were employed. Which I would do.

scottishmummy · 02/02/2013 23:05

yes,dress appropriate to the situation and job.neutral that doesn't distract
do sleep well,eat well before.if poss travel the route to familiarise self
read up,try think of likely questions,discuss your skills,interest in the post

redbobblehat · 02/02/2013 23:11

here this stuff is ace