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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

That you disregard dc safety

80 replies

bongobaby · 02/02/2013 10:27

Exp has dc on contact visit once a month. He turns up without car seat for dc. I got so fed up of his disregard in keeping dc safe on car journeys that I had it written into the court order that he was to bring a suitible car seat for dc. Is it to much to ask that he pays attention to this ffs its only one time a month. He refuses to go out and buy one. Dc should be properly restrained in a car by law,not just me being difficult as exp puts it.

OP posts:
akaemmafrost · 02/02/2013 12:10

I don't think you sound strange AT ALL.

Just Angry and Sad at having to deal with this kind of nonsense and wilful disregard of your Childs needs by his father just to get at you.

I'd provide the seat. Safety comes first and I wouldn't let him see it bothered me either but I'd have a good old bitch about it to anyone who'd listen Smile.

WhoeverHeardOfAWormskinRug · 02/02/2013 12:35

No, sorry YANBU - he was told by court to buy a car seat. He has proven that he can't be trusted when you lend him one, as you never saw that one again.

Why should you provide a never-ending stream of car seats, once a month so that he can use and lose them?

Original poster
bongobaby · 02/02/2013 12:38

I feel sorry that my dc father has choosen to ignore his responsibility towards dc safety of which I abide by and every other parent in the land does so. sound as bad as each other? I have lent him a car seat that didn,t come back as dc came back without it in hand.When asked his father to please return it back he told me why should he. I put my dc safety first and went as far as to ask a judge to write out a court order ensuring my dc safety whilst in his fathers care.
As for point scoreing you have read me all wrong, and are being unfair.
Bluemonkey what works for you does not work necessary for others.
Delila I see where you are coming from, yes he should.

OP posts:
TheDoctrineOfSciAndNatureClub · 02/02/2013 12:39

YANBU.

Do you use the CSA re maintainence?

TheDoctrineOfSciAndNatureClub · 02/02/2013 12:40

Do you know where the car seat he previously didn't return is now?

Original poster
bongobaby · 02/02/2013 12:44

Akae yep I am pissed off with having to deal with this kind of nonsense. it seems that its ok to disregard not only his dc safety but also a court order. he is the first to shout from the roof tops that fathers are treated unfairly in the courts and that the mothers are unfit and get away with it. ffs he has never payed a penny in maintanance and then i,m expected to wipe his arse and spend my hard earned single parent money and buy him a fucking car seat aswell. Phew , breathe sorry but so pissed off today and only came here to vent but looks like im being flamed.

OP posts:
BathTangle · 02/02/2013 12:48

I use this for my DCs - doubles as a back pack so they can carry it and their stuff.

Original poster
bongobaby · 02/02/2013 12:50

The csa are like trying to polish a turd, bloody useless!!! He avoids them at every turn doing his best to evade them.

OP posts:
Original poster
bongobaby · 02/02/2013 12:52

No don,t know where my lent to him car seat has gone, the more I ask him for it the more he gets a rise from me and I can,t be arsed. Had to buy another one from my weekly shopping budget.

OP posts:
TheDoctrineOfSciAndNatureClub · 02/02/2013 12:55

Bongo if you bought one that he now has, and you've replaced it, you have one each. He is a massive idiot, sorry about that. Would you consider informing your community policing team? They might just consider coming round if they know in advance the law is being broken.

Original poster
bongobaby · 02/02/2013 13:05

I brought another one to replace the one that I had lent to him, Use it in my car. He doesn,t have one hence the court order and I thought this would put a stop to any confusion over it.
I thought of doing that but then he would just be even more of a knobend about it knowing that I got the community policing involved. Why can,t he just be a responsible adult towards dc, it simple.
I said to him when it all came about please keep our son safe in the car, he says "he is not our son, we are not a family, he,s your son when he,s with you and my son when he,s with me" Man alive, can you see what I have to put up with?

OP posts:
Original poster
bongobaby · 02/02/2013 13:05

It never turned back up the one that was lent to him.

OP posts:
CheckpointCharlie · 02/02/2013 13:08

Can you report him to the courts if he is breaking the court order? (Not sure how it works but am sure he will be told to comply?)

He sounds like a complete twat. I don't think YABU, he is.

I liked the suggestion above of not letting your son go until he has a car seat to sit in, is there a Halfords near you? He can go and buy one and then come back.

Also why isn't he paying you? Surely that needs to be dressed ASAP??? (Again sorry if I am being naive here but I don't know how it works.)

You don't sound odd by the way Grin

CheckpointCharlie · 02/02/2013 13:10

Grrrrr just read last post. KNOB ALERT!

I would make his life as hard a possible and be as irritating as possible. Juvenile I know, not a good example I know but I wouldn't be able to help myself.

I would be reporting left right and centre.

5madthings · 02/02/2013 13:12

So he doesn't pay maintenance either, yanbu he has a duty to provide for his son as well. I would be inclined to tip off the local CPO that he is breaking the law, a warning from them may give him a kick up the arse.

Original poster
bongobaby · 02/02/2013 13:18

checkpoint
you are not being naive, he don,t want to pay and don,t have to pay.so the nerve of him not giving back the car seat i brought and then telling me to go
and buy another one has pissed me off.
Tried that once of the halfords thing and off he went to get one, do you know that he came back 20 mins later and said that they had all sold out!!! Dc didn,t go with him that day but cried and was very upset at me for not letting him go with his father. I didn,t want that again so put the court order in place.

OP posts:
WorriedTeenMum · 02/02/2013 13:19

YANBU

Why on earth should you be expected to provide this useless waste of space an endless supply of car seats?

IDreamedADreamOfSausageRolls · 02/02/2013 13:30

I would just not let DC go with him next time he turns up without the booster. If he doesn't keep to his side of the court order, you don't have to keep yours.

Original poster
bongobaby · 02/02/2013 13:35

wish it I could do thta IDreamed but dc is at hte age where he gets pissed off at me if he does,nt go with his father. just feels like damned if I do damned if I don,t. And he is being an arse.

OP posts:
justmyview · 02/02/2013 13:43

I think you should go out to check if there is a seat. If not, then no contact. Yes your son will be annoyed, but he needs to understand you are protecting him from harm

How tall is child. If over 135cm then think car seat not required legally

Original poster
bongobaby · 02/02/2013 13:51

he is not the 135cm as I keep checking his growth. Its his attitude that gets on my nerves. Your only doing this because you don,t want me to see my son is what I get and then my son is stroppy with me aswell, it makes me feel crap.

OP posts:
MuchBrighterNow · 02/02/2013 13:56

He is clearly doing this deliberately to piss you off. Have you got an old cushion your Ds could use as a bit of a booster, ideally one full of bean bag polystyrene balls, or sawdust that could spill out all over his car ! Grin

rainbowrainbowrainbow · 02/02/2013 14:04

Your exp sounds awful OP!
Very sad that he refuses to be reasonable about basic child safety, especially when there's a court order in place re car seat.
Agree with justmyview re what to do.
Think you need to stand firm on this.
Good luck

rainbowrainbowrainbow · 02/02/2013 14:12

I would just reiterate calmly that no, you are not trying to stop him seeing his son, but to simply ensure his safety as per the court order, which he presumably signed and agreed to abide by? The lengths he is going to to upset you are astonishing. He must have to work really hard at being this unpleasant

Original poster
bongobaby · 02/02/2013 14:19

After seven years of being split up surely he would have better things to than to deliberately want to piss me off... do you think its because he knows that he is being a twat?
I love that one of the sawdust, thankyou much you have cheered me up.
just got to sit out the next few hours hoping that dc comes back safely. And yep ,i,m going to stand firm on it next time.
its not as if he hasn,t got the money to buy a car seat,he,s loaded not paying any csa!! They paid me once and he asked them to give it back and they did??
A bit off topic but this is his mind set towards his responsibilitys.

OP posts:
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