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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to wonder why so many Mumsnetters think people are unreasonable for wanting to celebrate their birthday?

45 replies

rosewoodlily · 30/01/2013 14:29

It's a pattern I've noticed, whenever someone posts about their birthday plans etc you always get a lot of people saying

Beyond 5 why would you want to celebrate a birthday??

You are selfish!

No-one celebrates their birthdays.

I honestly don't see the problem with people wanting to celebrate their birthday - whether it's a 22nd, 34th, 50th. It's an excuse to get all your friends together and do something nice.

Why are birthday celebraters so hated on here?

Btw this is sort of lighthearted, but I ma also curious..

OP posts:

hellsbellsmelons · 30/01/2013 14:36

Hehe - I posted that I'm mid 40's and celebrate my birthday - for at least 2 weekends before, during and after.
I love it. Time for family and friends and good catch up.
Nothing wrong with it at all.
I love it and will continue to celebrate like crazy until I am unable to!!! :-)

lollilou · 30/01/2013 14:37

Yanbu I've noticed that too. The one that sticks in my mind was the poster whos' sister didn't want to come to the wedding party because it was her birthday. Lots of comments as your op. I did wonder wht happened between the sisters in the end.

skullcandy · 30/01/2013 14:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

rosewoodlily · 30/01/2013 14:38

Exactly hells if people want to celebrate their birthday why shouldn't they?

Just because some people chose not to doesn't mean they set the precedent for everyone else.

OP posts:

sittinginthesun · 30/01/2013 14:40

It's not that people don't want to celebrate, it's a question of priorities.

Birthday every year. Wedding once a lifetime.

Thisisaeuphemism · 30/01/2013 14:42

Surely people don't think that.

They probably think why should I spend £400 celebrating your birthday (again)?
Or
Why should I miss my mother's funeral for your birthday?

I don't think its a general birthdays-are-crap sentiment.

StuntGirl · 30/01/2013 14:43

But some people don't think you should celebrate even when there's nothing else on.

You din't want a birthday celebration? Great, no one's forcing you, everyone's happy.

You want a big do? Great! Let's have a party. Everyone's happy.

DragonMamma · 30/01/2013 14:44

I don't see a problem with wanting to celebrate your birthday but I do get a bit annoyed when people expect a big fuss every year and get upset when they don't get it (unless it's a 'big birthday').

Saying that, I have a big birthday this year and I'm not expecting bells and whistles - just a slightly more expensive restaurant and possibly a couple of gifts off people with whom I only usually exchange cards with for birthdays.

HannahsSister40 · 30/01/2013 14:45

nothing wrong with celebrating a birthday. Am a tad bemused at milestone birthday celebrations with a 150 person guest list (no kids invited) though. For my 40th I'm going out with a few friends for a few drinks and a meal and probably a posh night out with dh. There will be no three tiered cakes, hired entertainment or party bags

NellyBluth · 30/01/2013 14:47

See, I'm more in the 'not really celebrating' camp and I think people get really OTT about birthdays.

Of course it's nice to have an excuse for a meet up with friends, that seems perfectly normal. And it's nice to get presents and be spoiled a bit. I think that's normal, most people would like their birthday to be a wee bit special in one way or another. But what winds me up is when people get really precious about birthdays - say you have to celebrate it on the EXACT day of your birthday, not the nearest convenient day, or if someone doesn't buy them a present they get really narked. Or they won't forgo their birthday for a wedding or a christening or some other important event to celebrate their 32nd birthday.

I might be a bit biased, but the one good friend I have who insists on making a fuss of their birthday every year is also quite materialistic and demanding, so I guess I roll the two things together. So we get present lists in advance (without asking for them ) and then invited out to expensive dinners or shows. She truly expects and believes that everyone wants to spend £10-20 on a present and £40 on a night out. So while it is nice to want to do something with your friends, sometimes it becomes a bit demanding. It truly fascinates me that after twenty years as friends she still hasn't cottoned on to the fact that I don't do these things, and asks me every year what I am doing for my birthday.

I've only noticed the 'who celebrates a birthday anyway?' responses when the OP is being precious about a birthday or expecting a big present. In my limited experience, people who want a big fuss of every single birthday also come across as a bit grabby and selfish.

MrsMushroom · 30/01/2013 14:48

It's not that people celebrate them but that they get all precious and childish about them. When you're an adult, nobody really gives a shit about your bday.

Apart from you, maybe your partner and parents.

JakeBullet · 30/01/2013 14:49

It's my birthday on Sunday. ...and I am celebrating so there. It's special innit?

hellsbellsmelons · 30/01/2013 14:51

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1672051-to-think-this-is-a-pathetic-excuse-for-not-coming-out-for-my-birthday

Not sure if it will link - but this was only earlier.
Some people do have issues with older people celebrating.
I say each to their own. If you want to then great, if you'd rather forget then that's fine too.

Peevish · 30/01/2013 14:56

I have no issue at all with people celebrating their birthdays, it just strikes me as a bit juvenile that some posters seem to expect their entire circle to spontaneously remember and prioritise their Special Day (which is, after all, annual, and everyone has one) above their own stuff, and make a massive fuss every year.

I don't know, it smacks a bit of the eight year old Birthday Girl going ballistic because the nasty grown ups didn't let her win at Pass the Parcel at her own birthday party, and having to be carried out in tears.

What I do find quite mad, though - and you see it quite a bit on here - is people being massively huffy about other people choosing their birthday to hold some other event, like announce their engagement, get married, or throw an anniversary party. You don't own a date, and in all likelihood, the fact it's your birthday isn't even going to register with someone outside your immediate family...

Original poster

rosewoodlily · 30/01/2013 14:58

nobody really gives a shit about your bday.

That's a shame that you seem to apply that to everyone.

Aside from my partner and parents. The other people that give a shit about my birthday is my siblings and the large majority of my friends.

I recently sent out a text inviting people to my birthday, I'm having it on a Sunday and I know my friend works Sundays so I fully expected her to say that she couldn't make it. She then text back saying she booked that day off especially for my birthday.

OP posts:

piprabbit · 30/01/2013 14:58

Celebrate your birthday however you like - but don't expect me to drop everything to celebrate with you (unless you are a member of my immediate and very small family).

Original poster

rosewoodlily · 30/01/2013 15:00

and yes Hells someone left a comment on there saying no-one should celebrate their birthday after 25.

OP posts:

firesidechat · 30/01/2013 15:01

Quite happy to celebrate others birthdays and my own. Always delighted to have an excuse for a meal out and a good time.

Just not too precious about whether it's on the actual day or not, and also happy for someone elses important event to take precedence.

12ylnon · 30/01/2013 15:02

peevish totally agree. Gets right on my nerves. But generally i have no problems with people celebrating their birthdays, as long as they don't act like a child about it.

I have a friend who i've known since secondary school. She has a birthday week.... her birthday also falls just before xmas too (not that it's her fault). I sometimes dispare when she wants everyone to come on holiday with her for a few days, and then go for a night out in london and then a birthday lunch.

It's lucky i love her to bits!

Original poster

rosewoodlily · 30/01/2013 15:03

See I'm going to fully admit that I do get a little upset when a friend doesn't come out for my birthday -

And that is only because, we as a friendship group (7 of us) always do something to celebrate our birthday, whether it's a dinner or drinks. So if you go to your friends birthday we sort of expect them to make the same effort back, unless they have a valid excuse.

OP posts:

badguider · 30/01/2013 15:05

I think it's a side effect of the fact that there seems to be a huge number of people on mn who don't really like their friends... I'm constantly astounded by the number of posts who start with 'I have a friend..' and then go on to describe a situation where they clearly don't love that person and in many cases don't really like.

sittinginthesun · 30/01/2013 15:08

See, this is actually where I have a problem - "friendship groups". I have several different groups of friends, and some individual friends who aren't part of a larger group. Friendship groups are constantly evolving, and I just don't "get" this idea of keeping groups together.

smalltinyfootprints · 30/01/2013 15:12

I think the birthday haters are probably ones that don't have many friends, and I don't mean that in a bitchy way ... just perhaps they prioritised other things and just drifted away from them over the years.

tethersend · 30/01/2013 15:15

YANBU.

It can be another badge of hardiness on here I think- along with looking after children when ill and travelling with a buggy.

It's the gerronwithit attitude.

NellyBluth · 30/01/2013 15:18

Rose, I think that is a slightly different scenario though. If you have a friendship group that all, happily, every year, go out for dinner or drinks for everyone's birthday then that is one thing. It's the norm in your friendship group. But if it is just one person who is insisting on having a party every year, and getting upset when people don't come, that is different. It's when it changes from "ooh, here's a good excuse to meet up and have a nice time" to "it's my birthday and you WILL have fun and celebrate with me!" that it gets interesting

Horse for courses, though, isn't it? Some people love celebrating a birthday, and some people don't, and it's very easy to judge people's reactions by your own expectations. (Hence why I said I'm always surprised that in 20 years my friend hasn't learnt that I don't do much in the way of celebrations.)

smalltiny - or maybe they don't like being the centre of attention, or their friends don't all just live around the corner but live all over the country, or they have various good friends from different parts of their life that they don't think will get on too well together... No, they just don't have many friends?

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